Every day with Jesus is sweeter than the day before. Every day with Jesus I love him more and more.<\/em> I remember you singing that song clear and strong. You sang it all the time.<\/p>\nOn my sixteenth birthday mom baked my favorite cake. German chocolate. After she finished the frosting, she pounded the pork tenderloins big and flat, dipped them in eggs and cracker crumbs, just the way I like them. When you walked in the door they were sizzling in the frying pan.<\/p>\n
\u201cWhy don\u2019t you have any girl friends?\u201d you asked me.<\/p>\n
\u201cSome of my friends are girls,\u201d I said.<\/p>\n
\u201cWhy don\u2019t you have a girl friend?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWhy do I need a girl friend?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI\u2019ve been told that friend of yours is a faggot.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat are you talking about?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYou were seen kissing a boy.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWho?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThat kid you hang out with all the time. They say he\u2019s a faggot. Are you a faggot?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cHe\u2019s my friend.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cHe\u2019s a faggot. Now I find out you\u2019re a faggot too. You\u2019re no son of mine.\u201d<\/p>\n
My birthday cake was sitting in the middle of the table. The tenderloin that mom was cooking for my birthday dinner was frying in the pan.<\/p>\n
You grabbed my arm and walked me to the door and said \u201cGet out. You don\u2019t live here any more. Get out of this house and get out of this town or you\u2019ll regret it. Don\u2019t ever try to come back.\u201d<\/p>\n
Mom was crying. You wouldn\u2019t even let me go to my room and get some clothes or my wallet.<\/p>\n
Last night I dreamed about you. You were strumming your guitar and singing. Strumming my pain with your fingers. Telling my life with your words. Telling your shame at who I am. Embarrassing me in front of everyone I ever knew. Killing me softly with your song.<\/p>\n
You sang as if you knew me in all my dark despair. Then you looked right through me as if I was not there. You just kept on singing clear and strong. I was dying. You were killing me, killing me with your song.<\/p>\n
Jesus loves me, this I know. For the Bible tells me so.<\/em> You told me Jesus loves me when I was a kid. You sang that song to me. Sang it clear and strong. Now you think Jesus hates me. You\u2019re ashamed that I am your son.<\/p>\nYou threw me out on my sixteenth birthday. All I had were the clothes on my back. I walked to the edge of town and hitched a ride.<\/p>\n
\u201cWhere ya\u2019 going?\u201d the guy asked when he pulled over.<\/p>\n
\u201cHow far are you going?\u201d I asked.<\/p>\n
\u201cCross country.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI\u2019m going as far as you\u2019re willing to take me.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cTraveling light, aren\u2019t ya?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThis is all I\u2019ve got. I lost everything else.\u201d<\/p>\n
You\u2019ll be happy to know I\u2019m nowhere near you any more. You won\u2019t have to be ashamed of me. You can tell people I ran off. Of course we know that\u2019s not true. You ran me off. Ran me off to hide your shame.<\/p>\n
You never really believed the words of those songs, did you? You like your guitar and the music, right? Grandma took you to church and you learned those songs. But you never believed that Jesus loves me. I was precious only if I was what you wanted me to be. You loved me only if I was what you wanted.<\/p>\n
My ride dropped me off in a big city a long way away from you. I slept in a park the first night. The next day a guy asked where I was from. I told him my story. He offered to let me stay with him.<\/p>\n
That night he gave me something that he said would make me feel better. When I was feeling no pain he raped me. Just so you know.<\/p>\n
He threw me out of his apartment the next day. I wandered the streets and found some other guys about my age. They said they would hook me up with some good stuff. The good stuff comes with a price.<\/p>\n
Jesus paid it all. All to him I owe.<\/em> You just kept on singing that song, singing clear and strong.<\/p>\nI live in a tent. I owe everything to my supplier. He comes by every night. I don\u2019t have any money. That\u2019s not how I pay. After he takes his turn, he has several other guys lined up for me. He says he has to cover his costs and make a little profit. He says he used to get more for boys than girls, but now the price is about the same.<\/p>\n
After I\u2019ve paid, I get what I need, just enough to last me until tomorrow. Then I have to pay again to get more.<\/p>\n
\u201cI don\u2019t give you enough ice to get you so high you\u2019ll slit anyone\u2019s throat when you\u2019re tweaking,\u201d he says. \u201cThat would be bad for business.\u201d<\/p>\n
I\u2019m lucky. He gives me good stuff. There\u2019s lots of fake stuff out there now. They make it out of insecticide. One trip on that and you\u2019re permanently ruined. I guess that would be bad for business and that\u2019s why I get the good stuff.<\/p>\n
Sing the wondrous love of Jesus. Sing his mercy and his love.<\/em><\/p>\nIn my dream last night you sang to me. Sang as if you knew me. But you looked right through me as if I was not there. But you just kept on singing clear and strong. Singing to yourself I guess. Singing to convince yourself that Jesus loves you and hates me.<\/p>\n
I doubt you ever loved me. You loved a fantasy you had created in your mind.<\/p>\n
Keep on singing dad. Keep on killing me softly with your Jesus songs. Keep on pretending, dad.<\/p>\n
I never had sex with anyone until the night that guy raped me. I was there because I needed a place to stay. You threw me out. Remember? Just so you know.<\/p>\n
Jason<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Before you think of condemning an LGBT person, criticizing the homeless on the streets, judging the drug addict on the corner, or disowning a son because he is gay, you need to read this letter from Jason. <\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":38724,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_bbp_topic_count":0,"_bbp_reply_count":0,"_bbp_total_topic_count":0,"_bbp_total_reply_count":0,"_bbp_voice_count":0,"_bbp_anonymous_reply_count":0,"_bbp_topic_count_hidden":0,"_bbp_reply_count_hidden":0,"_bbp_forum_subforum_count":0,"_genesis_hide_title":false,"_genesis_hide_breadcrumbs":false,"_genesis_hide_singular_image":false,"_genesis_hide_footer_widgets":false,"_genesis_custom_body_class":"","_genesis_custom_post_class":"","_genesis_layout":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[2245],"tags":[1258,1659,1259,2262,1262,1394],"class_list":{"0":"post-38720","1":"post","2":"type-post","3":"status-publish","4":"format-standard","5":"has-post-thumbnail","7":"category-redeeming-life","8":"tag-gay","9":"tag-homeless","10":"tag-homosexual","11":"tag-letters-to-dad","12":"tag-lgbt","13":"tag-sam-riviera","14":"entry"},"yoast_head":"\n
Killing Me Softly with your Jesus Songs<\/title>\n \n \n \n \n \n \n \n \n \n \n \n \n \n\t \n\t \n\t \n \n \n \n \n \n\t \n\t \n\t \n