Have you ever noticed that in many areas of Christianity, those of us who proclaim “grace” the loudest, are often the least gracious in our dealings and interactions with others?” It’s ironic, for we have become legalistic about grace!
If we truly know what grace is, why is it that we Christians are generally the least gracious people on earth? Here are three examples to show you what I mean:
Example 1
My wife Wendy first experienced this back in college. She was in a Sorority at Northern Illinois. Her friends in the Sorority all looked out for each other, supported each other, cared for each other, and were generally willing to overlook the faults of one another so they could be “sisters.” Wendy was welcomed in and immediately became part of the family.
Wendy, however, had grown up Lutheran, and so near the end of her first year at college, decided to attend one of the local Christian clubs on campus for a mid-week Bible study. But Wendy made the mistake of wearing her Sorority jacket to the Bible study. Though she brought her Bible and knew all the songs, nobody greeted her, talked to her, or made her feel welcome. Instead, she was visibly shunned.
Not surprisingly, she didn’t go back. We can’t be certain, but Wendy feels the reception would have been much different if she hadn’t identified herself with a Sorority.
I wonder how many people coming into our churches feel the same way? In many churches, the people who walk through the doors feel judged and condemned, especially if they don’t look like us, talk like us, or act like us. A while back, I ran an experiment to see.
Example 2:
Right now, I am growing my hair out. It covers my ears and looks a little shaggy. A while back, when visiting a church, I wore jeans, a grey t-shirt with holes in it, and a baseball hat, just to see how I would be received. I didn’t bring my Bible. Nobody greeted me. Nobody shook my hand. During the sermon, nobody offered me a Bible.
I returned the very next week wearing slacks, a tie, and carrying a big Bible under my arm. I must have been greeted by 20 people in 10 minutes, and nobody said “good to see you again.” They didn’t recognize me as a second-time visitor! I now fit in with the kind of person they wanted in their church, and so I received a warm welcome. I was handed whole reams of literature. Someone personally took me up and introduced me to the pastor. I guess I was now a “keeper.”
I didn’t go back.
Example 3:
A few years ago, I started reading a blog called de-conversion. It appears that the contributors are all former Christians. Among other things, they write about why they have left Christianity. Generally, they do not appear bitter or angry. Every single post is full of grace, love, concern, kindness, and mercy. Sadly, the authors have not received the same treatment from Christians. The only angry and spiteful comments on the blog are from Christians who get angry at what is written.
So I say, “Shame on us.” It’s pretty bad when, despite all our Bible study, prayer, and theological reading and writing, we have to learn about grace from those who don’t believe in God, who have been kicked out of our churches, and who feel only judgment and condemnation from us.
Do you have any examples from your own life? Do you have any suggestions on how followers of Jesus can learn to live more graciously?
Jeremy,
I know exactly what you mean. I have seen this from Christians of every stripe, but one of the worst places is within the Free Grace Movement. These theologians have declared themselves the defenders of the true message of grace, but when anyone, even someone in their own group, has a disagreement, they resort quickly to charges of heresy and false gospel. Unfortunately, these that claim grace the strongest are some of the most legalistic.
Here is one more example, one of my riders was invited to speak about the motorcycle ministry at a local church. He arrived in full leather with his bandana and long hair. After he shared with the church, he was standing in the back answering questions. More than one family was observed shuttling their curious children past the biker without stopping. Some were even heard saying that it wasn’t safe to have their children around bikers. the worst part is that this rider has been hurt by a lot of churches because he has never looked like a “good Christian”.
As a christian motorcyclist, I get a lot of funny looks when I visit a strange church. It has become a joke among the members of our minstry. We are having a patch made for our riders to wear on the back of their leather vests that says “These ARE my church clothes”.
I don’t have an answer for how we get the church to live out the grace they teach. I do know that the best teacher is example, and that is what I strive to do. If I can show grace, even to churchy people, then maybe someone will see and learn to show grace to someone like me.
FedEx,
President,
Men of Praise Motorcycle Ministry
Wow, that is a very sad story. Things like that should not happen, especially not in churches. I think you are being a good example of living by grace. Keep it up!
We attend a very unique church in which missional is not just a buzz word, but growing a church in that direction is hard work. I remember one time we went to a normal day at church and when we arrived there were coolers all around the sanctuary full of cold water and popsicles. Our pastor announced that we were going to spend our day out in our community passing out these treats (it was a very hot day). The idea was not to convert our town, but to serve them, to get to know people around us. The reactions of people to getting something for nothing, no strings attached was amazing and full of opportunities to just tell people Jesus loves them. He did several other things along those lines that summer. What was the result? A pretty big exodus from our body because this was not “real” church. People came to hear a Bible sermon, sing songs and greet friends not do something outside their comfort zone.
As our pastor has taught us to live as grace-bearing, hands and feet of Jesus, type people our church has grown much smaller and he has endured much abuse from within our body and outside our body. In spite of all this, he continues to show us grace and many who remain have caught the fire. Have you met FedEx?:)
So why are all churches and churchy people not getting on board? I believe that one of the biggest problems is how we measure success in ministries. Grace rarely draws the “right” kind of people. In a system where church success is measured in butts and bucks, our church falls far short. I am not sure, though, how we could measure self-sacrifice, living in community with one another, and simply loving people right in the middle of their “mess”. Of course, the other issue is that as you love messy people, you inevitably get their mess on you and for some that is much too scary.
I like your statement about butts and bucks. That’s what many churches go far, and how they define success.
Yes, living with grace, and living missionally, leads to some big messes in life. But that’s what following Jesus is all about.
I thought of one more example I could not resist. Our church looked around our neighborhood and looked for opportunities to serve. There is a huge low income housing complex behind our church. There had always been a barbed-wire fence between the two properties. Our church’s leadership decided to take down a big chunk of the fence and build a sidewalk. The result has been several precious families coming to our body, a host of kids coming up the hill to our AWANA program where they can be loved and learn about Jesus and a group of people form India who use our church as their community center. This is exactly what grace has done for me, tore down the fences of sin, hurt and fear around my heart and built a sidewalk to Jesus.
Wow! That is so cool!
I was driving through town the other day, and noticed that a large local church has recently put up a huge fence with barb wire on top of it. This church has many buildings as part of their complex, and ironically, as I was sitting there in my car, looking through the barb wire, the angle was perfect to see the name of this particular building. On the siding, it said, “The Community Center.” If I had a camera with me, I would have taken a picture. They put up barb wire and a fence around their Community Center! What kind of message does that send??
It sounds like your group is doing exactly the opposite. That is awesome!
Church is not about Christ – it’s about church. No wonder so many people fall away.
The really sad cases are the ones who de-convert. They think they have left Christ, but they have only left church and barely knew Christ.
So true about people who think they have left Christ, but really have only rejected some abusive form of church. I wish we could show them that Jesus has left those forms of church also.
In my opinion a way followers of Jesus can show grace is not to assume they know what people are going through by giving them unasked for advice and ways to be fixed but to show compassion by just listening.
Absolutely. I know it’s kind of a dippy saying, but I always remember “God gave us two ears and two hands, but only one mouth for a reason.”
Hi Jeremy,
Seriously, barbed wire?
Appreciate your post. I love our church. We’re a couple blocks from the Union Gospel Mission, so we regularly have homeless coming in for coffee, and more often than not, someone greets them in the love of the LORD. But there’s more categories to be broken than just the poor. God has given me a passion for the most unlikely and unconventional Christ seekers; it is the most exciting and God-glorifying thing happening at church as far as I am concerned. Because of who I bring I don’t quite fit in just yet, but I don’t care.
Perhaps you could go back to that church and minister to the Body?
Michele
The neighborhood that church is in is kind of rough, so I suppose they were having a lot of break-ins. I’m not sure how to stop that from happening. Anyway, it struck me as odd.
That is great what you are doing in your neighborhood. It is amazing to see God work in such unlikely places.