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A theological parable about oysters and ballerinas from Robert Farrar Capon

By Jeremy Myers
14 Comments

A theological parable about oysters and ballerinas from Robert Farrar Capon

Some like to say that theology is the queen of the sciences. But I am beginning to think theology is not so much a science as it is a form of entertainment.

I mean, don’t these guys look like a barrel of laughs?

theologians

Seriously though, we theologians often take ourselves way too seriously.

But if historical theology and church tradition teach us anything at all, it is that many of the ideas we have held to most dearly have been the same ideas that have cost the church and the world most dearly.

So let all the shouting, yelling, and finger pointing cease. Let us all sit down and take a deep breath. Let us loosen our ties and untuck our shirts. Let us relaaax.

Jesus laughingThen, let someone stand up and tell us a joke. Or a story.

Then let us all start laughing more, and not just laughing, but laughing at ourselves. Let us remember how ludicrous our carefully packaged systems of theology really are.

When we teach and write about theology, we know next to nothing regarding the topic about which we speak, but we speak about it as if we know everything.

If you cannot laugh at your own hubris when you teach theology, you should not be teaching theology.

If God truly is as infinite as we claim, then all the compiled knowledge and ideas about God are nothing more than a speck of insight compared to the infinity of God. Yet we speak with such certainty and arrogance, as if we have all knowledge of God.

I am reminded of a parable about theology from Robert Farrar Capon in his book, Hunting the Divine Fox. Here it is for your enjoyment:

Once upon a time, in the mud at the bottom of a tidal pool, there lived an oyster. By oyster’s standards, he had a good life: the sea water was clean, and full of plankton, and the green warmth of the light at low tide made him grow and prosper.

oysterNext to him lived a stone with whom he sometimes talked. It was very much the same size, shape and color as he, and was good, if undemanding, company. As a matter of fact, their conversations gave the oyster a definite feeling of superiority. He loved to dwell at length on the differences that underlay their apparent similarity. Rocks, he would say, are merely mineral. Oysters may be mineral on the outside; but inside, they are bona fide members of the animal kingdom.

One day, however the stone surprised him by coming up with a rejoinder. It pointed out that there were nonetheless some advantages to being further down the evolutionary scale. Rocks have fewer enemies than oysters. Starfish and oyster drills, it observed, were no threat to stones; to the oyster they were a matter of life and death. Furthermore, the stone told him, it was getting just a little tired of being put down by an oyster with airs. He might get a lesson in humility if he would listen to some of the things the starfish say about oysters — things which the oyster never heard because he was too busy being mortally afraid, but which the stone heard regularly, and with amusement.

starfishStarfish, it seems, have a very low opinion of oysters. They eat them, but they always refer to them as ‘nothing more than a rock with a stomach.’ In fact, what passes as starfish humor…invariably has to do with how stupid it is to be an animal and not be able to move about. The worst thing one starfish can call another is ‘sessile creature.’

The oyster terminated the discussion huffily and went into a state of profound depression. To have everything he had been so proud of become the butt of underwater ethnic wisecracks made life not worth living. Existence, he concluded, was nothing but a cruel joke. All the faith he once had in a grand design of the evolutionary scheme forsook him. Better to believe in nothing than dignify this farce of a world with its pretensions of order. He became an anti-evolutionist, and stopped saying his prayers.

For a while, righteous indignation made the losing of his religion rather fun, as it always does; but as summer wore on into fall and the water began its slow progress to winter’s cold, he became merely sour- angry at the universe, but even more angry at himself for having let it turn him into a grouch. Finally, in desperation, he decided he would pray once again; but this time with a difference. No more mumbling of set pieties. He saw himself as a Job among oysters; he would open his shell and curse his day.

And the oyster spoke and said, “Let the day perish wherein I was spawned, and the night in which it was said, A seed oyster has appeared. Why is light given to him that is in misery, and life to the bitter in soul? Why do I live my days in doubt and darkness? O, that one would hear me, and tell me openly of the glories above. Behold, my desire is, that the Almighty would answer me.”

And, to his utter astonishment, a voice said, “All right, all right. But I have to make it short. It’s Friday afternoon.

“It’s all true. There are things you never even dreamed of. All kinds of stuff. And with moves you couldn’t imagine if you tried. As a matter of fact, that’s your problem. There you sit with a rock on one side and a starfish on the other. My apologies. It’s a limited field of vision, I admit, but in the evolutionary scale business, you’ve got to put a lot of things near the bottom. Spoils the effect if you don’t.

“Anyways, the moves. I’ll tell you a few. Basketball. College basketball, especially. The best ones are so flashy, they make you laugh for not being able to believe the guy actually made the shot. And squirrels going through trees. One of my best effects. You know the last time a squirrel missed his footing? I keep track of such things. It was May 3rd 1438. Definitely a record.

“And it’s not all slapdash, either. I’ve got creatures so graceful, they almost break your heart. When it comes to exquisite moves, my favorite maybe is girls’ knees. Lovely. Some people think that’s a funny thing to get excited about, but in my line of work, there’s no substitute for enthusiasm.

ballerina knees“Seriously. If you take the knee thing and really go all the way with it, you get my absolute favorite for loveliness, a prima ballerina. Talk about moves. It’s like Ernie DiGregorio, Marcel Marceau, and Squirrel Nutkin all rolled together- but as a girl, which makes it that much better. Terrific.

“Listen, though. It’s almost sundown, and I have to set a good example. As I said, your basic problem is your point of view. There really are all these great moves, but you unfortunately don’t know from motion. If you’re going into business as the world’s first philosophical oyster, its o.k. by me. But just so you shouldn’t get it all wrong, I’ll give you one piece of advice: Think very carefully. Remember that all this stuff really is, but it can’t possibly be the way you think. Or, to turn it around: The way you think about things will never be exactly the same as the way they are. But enough. I really have to run. Mazel tov.”

And with that, the voice ceased and the oyster was left alone with his thoughts. He felt both humbler and more elated than ever before. He resolved to philosophize no matter what the difficulties, and, in order to make the best use of the voice’s advice, he decided to put himself into a methodical frame of mind. What follows is a transcript of his train of thought.

1. There is motion. I, as an oyster, can distinguish two sorts. The first is being moved (e.g., both the stone and myself can be moved by oystermen). The second is moving on one’s own. The stone cannot do this at all. I can move the part of myself within my shell, but I cannot move my whole self from place to place. The starfish can move from place to place.

2. The voice was quite clear on the existence of more mobile creatures than the starfish. Let me see what I can say about the prima ballerina:

Starfish move; ballerinas move.
Starfish attack oysters.
Can starfish attack ballerinas?

This is problematical. Perhaps a tentative solution would be that since the ballerina’s motion is apparently far more eminent than the starfish’s, a ballerina would invariably move in such a way as to avoid starfish. There are unresolved difficulties, however:

a. I do not know whether starfish and ballerinas occupy the same medium.
b. I do not know whether starfish have any interest in attacking ballerinas.

oyster parable

3. Let me begin again:

Starfish move; ballerinas move.
Starfish are deadly to oysters.
Are ballerinas deadly to oysters?

One line of approach would seem to be that, since the voice says that ballerinas are his absolute favorite for loveliness, and since loveliness and deadliness do not seem to be compatible, the ballerina cannot be deadly to the oyster. (This depends, of course, on what is meant by loveliness and deadliness. It also might depend on whether a ballerina’s possible deadliness to the oyster proceeds out of her nature, as the starfish’s does, or out of some accidental or acquired taste, as it were. If the latter were true, then it might be that not every ballerina is deadly to oysters.) In any case, there is not enough evidence to resolve the question.

4. Even though the voice’s enthusiasm for the world of higher motion seems to have suspended my own doubts, it is disturbing to think how easily a skeptical oyster could argue from all this that ballerinas do not exist, but rather are nothing more than a distracting hypothesis invented by oysters who cannot face the grimness of existence without flinching.

5. Tentatively, I shall list the following as the chief properties of the prima ballerina:

a. Mobility (like the starfish’s, but better.
b. Invulnerability to starfish (likely).
c. Loveliness (on faith).
d. Deadliness (possible, but not certain).

There is a good deal unresolved here. Perhaps it would be useful to consider next what ballerinas are for. This is fascinating but tiring. At least, though, the seawater seems refreshing again.

I love this parable from Robert Farrar Capon (and everything he writes) for it perfectly represents human theology.

We are the oyster. The Bible is God’s revelation to us about ballerinas. And our theology is like the oyster’s methodical philosophizing about the nature and character of ballerinas.

This is why we must never take our theology too seriously. Sure, it is enjoyable. It can be fun. It is a healthy pastime. It can even be entertaining.

wrong theologyBut we must remember that this is all theology is. Some people play basketball. Some people plant gardens. Some people watch TV. Some people discuss God.

As soon as we begin to think that we have figured out God and the mysteries of the universe, we are just like this oyster who thinks he has figured out a few things about ballerinas, but really, knows absolutely nothing about them.

When we approach theology this way, theology can be an enjoyable pursuit, and even a healthy pastime. But as soon as we take our methodical philosophizing too seriously and start demanding that everyone else agree with what we have figure out about God, well, that’s when theology is not longer healthy, good, or enjoyable.

So do you like theology? Great! So do I. Let’s talk about ballerina knees a bit.

God is Redeeming Theology Bible & Theology Topics: entertainment, laugh, theology, Theology Introduction

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The Biggest Heresy of All Time (Are You Guilty of It?)

By Jeremy Myers
21 Comments

The Biggest Heresy of All Time (Are You Guilty of It?)

I’ve been called a heretic before. I imagine that most people who teach or write about Scripture and theology have been condemned as a heretic at least once or twice.

A person might get condemned as a heretic for not believing in the Trinity, that Jesus was not God incarnate, or that the Bible is not inspired or inerrant.

Others might get condemned as a heretic for questioning whether or not Genesis 1-2 teaches creationism, or whether there will be a future rapture of the church.

Burned at the StakeThere are all sorts of ways of getting condemned as a heretic.

In times past, believing some of these things above could have gotten you burned at the stake.

Ironically, if one commits the greatest heresy of all time, nobody will even raise an eyebrow, point a finger, or call you to account.

Nobody has ever been fired from their job, burned at the stake, or excommunicated from church for believing the greatest heresy ever.

And what is this great heresy that nobody cares about?

The greatest heresy of all time is the lack of love toward others.

Why do I say this is the greatest heresy?

Because love is the only thing that matters when it comes to Biblical and theological knowledge.

In fact, I would argue that love is the litmus test for true biblical and theological knowledge.

If what you believe about God and the Bible does not lead you to love others more, then what you believe is not true.

truth in love

Speaking the Truth in Love

In Ephesians 4:15, Paul writes about speaking the truth in love. I used to think that while one could speak the truth but not be loving, it was impossible to be loving without being truthful. When I preached through Paul’s letter to the Ephesians about 15 years ago, I taught that if one has to choose between truth or love, one should always choose truth, for there is no such thing as a loving lie.

I still sort of agree, but I would never state this idea the same way now.

I now believe that if one truly knows the truth, they will also be loving. If there is no love, then there is no truth.

If truth is truly true, it will also be loving. If truth is not loving, it is missing most of the truth that makes it true.

The Love Chapter

What Paul writes in 1 Corinthians 13 is most instructive.

He says that if we have all knowledge – you know, if we can recite the Bible forward and backward, and can argue theology with the best theologians in the world, and can read Karl Barth, and can debate about infra- supra- and sub- lapsarianism, – but have not love, then we have nothing.

You see? Without love, there is no truth. Without love, knowledge counts as nothing.

In this way, the lack of love is the worst heresy we can have.

A Lack of Love is the Greatest Heresy of All Time

no love the greatest heresyBut what makes the lack of love even more heretical, is that a lack of love often leads religious people to do horrendous and hurtful things “in the name of Jesus,” which makes these actions not just heretical, but satanic and evil.

If two people are performing the exact same hateful actions, but one is doing it “in the name of Jesus,” it is the second person whose actions are more evil and satanic than the first.

If I hate a person because I’m mean, well, then that’s just mean. But if I hate a person because “Jesus told me to hate him,” this is not just mean, this is satanically mean.

This is why the lack of love – especially the lack of love from people who claim to follow Jesus – is the worst heresy in all.

When we hate and hurt and kill “in Jesus name” – we are the greatest arch-heretics the world has ever seen.

Which is worse: to teach others that Jesus was not God, or to burn such a person “in the name of Jesus” for not believing that Jesus is God?

While the first person might be wrong about the nature of Jesus, the second person is completely wrong about everything related to Jesus, for if they think that Jesus wants them to burn people who don’t understand Him, they haven’t understood the first thing about Him, and should incinerate themselves first.

So Do You Love?

So stop asking if you know the truth. The real question is, “Do you love?”

Truth leads to love and love indicates truth. If you have love, then you know the truth. If you know the truth, it will lead you to love.

And stop asking to see a church’s doctrinal statement or inquiring about whether or not an author, blogger, or teacher is “doctrinally sound.” The real question is this: “Are they loving?” If so, you can almost bet that they are living in truth as well.

So stop seeking the truth. Seek love instead, and you get truth thrown in.

God is Redeeming Life, Redeeming Theology Bible & Theology Topics: 1 Corinthians 13, Ephesians 4:15, heresy, Imperative Theology, love, love like Jesus, Theology Introduction

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Knowing Your Theology

By Jeremy Myers
7 Comments

Knowing Your Theology

Theology of SnoopyI think this will be my last post on “Introduction to Theology.” Next week we will move into Bibliology, the Study of the Bible.

It is not that I blogged through all the class notes that I had on “Introduction to Theology.” I only summarized about 10 pages of notes in the last several blog posts, and still had over 80 pages to go.

It is just that I looked through the next 80 pages, and got bored. They dealt with the following topics:

  • Seven Aversions to Theology
  • History of the Development of Systematic Theology
  • Presuppositions to Theology
  • Theological Method
  • How to Study Theology
  • A Study of the Primary Worldviews
  • The Importance of a Trinitarian Worldview

All of this is good information. I just wasn’t sure how to present it in blog format in an interesting way. Is there any of that you are just dying to know? Maybe I will include some of it later. Maybe.

Let me say this:

[Read more…]

God is Uncategorized Bible & Theology Topics: Theology Introduction

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What’s More Important: Truth or Love?

By Jeremy Myers
30 Comments

What’s More Important: Truth or Love?

Yesterday I asked for your input on two theology quotes. Earlier today I provided my own input on the first of these two quotes. Here is the second:

It has been in vogue to say that today the important thing is not Christianity’s truth but its relevance. That is like saying to the sick that the important thing is not the accuracy of the prescription, but taking the medicine. In determining which of the innumerable kinds of medicine to take, how much, and how often, nothing is more important than the accuracy of the doctor’s prescription.

This quote is from Integrative Theology by Gordon Lewis and Bruce Demarest (p. 47).

Though they speak of accuracy vs. relevance, the options are often presented as “truth vs. love” (Eph 4:15), or “grace vs. truth” (John 1:14, 17). Ideally, of course, both would be nice, but if we have to err on one side or the other, it is often argued (as in the quote above) that we must lean toward truth and accuracy.

Truth vs. Love

I have often taught this way as well.

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God is Uncategorized Bible & Theology Topics: Theology Introduction

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Theology God

By Jeremy Myers
10 Comments

Theology God

Systematic TheologyIn a previous post I asked for your input on two quotes about theology. I will look at the first here, and the second in a later post.

Here is the first quote again:

Theology is supernatural. It is thinking the thoughts of God. It is fire in the bones. It is the breath of God upon your lips. The light of God in our very soul. It is the most challenging and the most rewarding task a person can ever undertake. It is an attempt to know the Unknowable; to understand the Incomprehensible. While no one can fully do these things, we can know and understand some small portion. And those who have tasted this heavenly gift, long for more.

This is a quote from me. I know…. It’s vain to quote yourself. But wait until you read what I say about it.

I wrote the statement above ten years ago as part of a theology training class I was offering in the church I pastored. I distinctly remember that when I wrote it, I was trying to sound like Charles Spurgeon when he spoke about theology.

[Read more…]

God is Uncategorized Bible & Theology Topics: Theology Introduction

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