Lonely? You’re not Alone

Henri Nouwen worked among AIDS victims in San Francisco. He writes of young men who are dying, many of them banished by their own families, forced to hustle on the street. Many of them have had hundreds of relationships. But they are dying. Cast off from society. Rejected.

Nouwen says that all they want is to be loved. They want a safe place. A safe relationship. A place to call home. Someone to accept them. Someone to love them.

Henri Nouwen has also worked among orphanages in Peru. Here is what he writes:

How little do we really know the power of physical touch. Those boys and girls only wanted one thing: to be touched, hugged, stroked, and caressed. Probably most adults have the same needs but no longer have the innocence and unself-consciousness to express them. Sometimes I see humanity as a sea of people starving for affection, tenderness, care, love, acceptance, forgiveness and gentleness. Everyone seems to cry, ‘Please love me.’

Lonely? Welcome to the Crowd
I don’t know about you, but that is my own cry. I believe that is the cry of my wife, my children, and pretty much every person I have ever met. Also, I think nobody is more lonely than the person who gets into a relationship to quench their need for love, only to find out that they are still just as lonely. It is not really comforting to realize this, but we are all lonely together. We all feel lonely, but knowing this doesn’t help us feel any less lonely.

So I believe that one goal in life should be to find someone to be lonely with; to find someone who can hopefully take the edge off the loneliness. Marriage can be good for this, and so can children and friends. But some of the loneliest people I know are married with kids, and have lots of friends.

As for myself, I am married to a wonderful woman, and have three beautiful children. But they cannot always be there for me. Even when they are, they do not always know everything I am thinking or feeling. And so sometimes I feel separated from them. I feel lonely.

Lonely? You Don’t Have to Be
Call me crazy, sappy, or just plain weird, but one person I have found who is always there for me, who listens when I yell and scream, who doesn’t judge when I fail, and who loves me no matter what, is Jesus. I try to converse with him throughout the day, talking to him as I drive to work, as I face problems, encounter joys, eat my food, or whatever.

Back in a period when I experienced great doubt and fear, I yelled at Jesus almost every day. I said some very bad things to him. Looking back now, I am so thankful I yelled at him instead of my wife and children. I think they would have forgiven me, but it’s possible I would have damaged them forever. But not Jesus. He took it all in. Suffered through it with me. He never left. He never said, “That’s it! I’m outta here!” Why? Because he understood.

A French proverb says, “To understand all is to forgive all.” Jesus understands, and so he forgives all, which means he will never leave us nor forsake us. If we have Jesus, we will never be alone. We can converse him with him, talk with him, and walk with him.

I think this is what Brother Lawrence described in his classic, Practicing the Presence of God. Jesus is not somewhere out there, sitting on a throne, listening to our prayers from the other side of the universe. No, I believe that he is right here, with us and by us. Though we cannot see him or feel him, we can interact with him as with any other human. He knows my deepest secrets and blackest sins. He sees all, knows all, and forgives all.

I am fully known by him, and yet he loves me still. That is why he helps remove my loneliness when no one else can.

What is your experience with Jesus? Is it something like this, or do you think I am just crazy?

This post was based (loosely) on the Grace Commentary for Luke 5:12-16.

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