On my drive home from work tonight, I realized that I am watching my life with great interest. I feel like I am on some sort of great adventure, and I have no idea where things will end up. Earlier today, I saw a bumper sticker that read, “I have no idea where I am going.” I laughed, because that is how I feel.
Some days I feel a bit like God has “benched me.” Other days, I feel like only now, am I finally “in the game.”
If you had told me one year ago that after graduation from seminary, I would be cleaning carpets for 70 hours per week, I would have said you were crazy. If I had made a numbered list of all the possible careers I wanted to do, carpet cleaning would have been dead last. And the crazy thing is that I kind of enjoy it! But that is not the only thing that intrigues me about where God is taking me. Whereas I used to read 3-4 books per week, I am now lucky to read 3-4 pages per week. Whereas I used to spend hours every day on in-depth research and study of Scripture, I now barely get time to simply read it. I used to preach three times per week. So far, I haven’t preached in over two months.
But guess what? I now personally talk about Jesus with way more people per week than I did per year when I was doing all that reading and studying and preaching (which doesn’t really count).
So I’m watching my life. I don’t have a 10-step plan of how to get where I want to see myself go. I’m just trying to listen to God and follow His leading. And right now, He wants me to clean carpets. I’m not fully sure why. But I like what He is doing, and how He is answering my prayer to bend His will “to break, blow, burn, and make me new” (see previous post on “My Life Prayer“).
I sometimes wonder if it’s a good thing that we send people right off to church leadership after seminary. So many folks in seminary are highly isolated from anyone outside the four walls of the church (and even the church itself) that they enter the world still having to learn that their role is to serve the people doing the hard work of sharing faith daily in life. Maybe this is the last part of your training, or as you imply, the first part of your real work. Keep up the good work, friend.
I’m proud of you, Jeremy. Cleaning carpets can be very sacred work, and has clearly put you squarely in the center of what God is doing in the lives of others. You are most definately NOT benched by God…you have been reassigned to serve in a new way.
And nobody really knows where they’re going. Such certainty is illusion as best, and delusion at worst. God’s blessing rain upon you.
Hi guys,
Thanks for the comments and encouragement. I really appreciate your input and insight!
Jeremy, I am a casual reader of your blog and a fellow blue collar worker. I have always been encouraged by the opportunities the Lord has presented as I load or unload a truck heartily as unto Him. The dignity of sweat. Anyway, there seems to me to be a certain peace knowing that I am right where the Lord wants me as I endeavour to be a faithful steward of the modest job that more than meets my needs. Enjoy the peace that comes from the sore back. In Him, A McGath
I don’t know who you are, but after I read your blog, I felt awesome & power recharge by you. I was encourage one of my friend that she lost her direction. I believe how awesome your life are. Great that you had wrote a blog. I’m losing myself everyday too. Sometimes I keep asking who am I? who I want be? I have no idea at all. I seek to God, Last time I don’t read book, but after I read Purpose Driven Life, I felt good & start loving to read book sometimes/ want start to read bible for my life.
I understand all this. Personally speaking, I believe the faith I had is all but gone. I can’t pray anymore, it feels forced and fake. There are no easy answers. I am lost and I accept it. It is the only honest thing one can do in this situation. There’s no way I am going to get back to the old me or the old world of the old normality.
‘Sea fog comes like a river rolls a stone it’s rolling me’ – Keane