How Women Help Men Find God

How Women Help Men Find GodI finished reading How Women Help Men Find God today. It’s a book written for women, but as a former (and future?) pastor, I wanted to read it because it is packed full of ideas on how women  (and churches in general) can help men become followers of Jesus.

Such a book is desperately needed because the average church today is seeing a massive drop-out rate among men. We are not just losing a generation; we are losing an entire sex.

Of course, if your congregation is bucking the trend and is comprised of at least 50% men (in all age groups), then chances are good that you and your church are already doing some of the things mentioned in this book. Read it to affirm what you are already doing, and maybe to provide insights on some other areas that could be tweaked to encourage greater involvement by the men in your church.

But if your church is like the vast majority of churches in the United States, and your congregation consists primarily of women, this book is for you. It is full of practical suggestions (often written in a humorous way) to help men see that following Jesus is not just for women and children.

For example, most men don’t mind singing in church, but songs about being held by Jesus, and kissing Him, and Him being our lover will keep most men from singing too boisterously. As Michael Frost has said, Jesus is NOT my boyfriend.

In a similar vein, don’t invite men into a “relationship” with Jesus. Such terminology is attractive to women, but men respond better to the more biblical invitation to “follow” Jesus. This is especially true when the dangers and risks of following Jesus are emphasized.

Also, simple things like changing the way the church is decorated can go a long way in showing men that church (and following Jesus) is for them as well.

The book is also full of helpful suggestions on how to evangelize men, how to disciple men, and how to encourage them to take the role of spiritual leader in the home and in the church.

So do you know a man who needs to become a follower of Jesus or take a more active spiritual role? Do you want your church to become more effective at reaching men, making disciples, and raising up leaders? Read this book.

Oh, and don’t forget to check out David Murrow’s two websites: and

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  1. Parke says

    So how does the book do in recognizing the different values of different men? That’s been one of my small frustrations with men’s ministry stuff and books about the “manliness” factor. Especially here in Texas, I think we can quickly forget that there are a lot of subcultures that reject poker, football, macho attitudes and the like. They may rather go to indie music concerts, cultural events, lan parties or hang around playing video games. At the very least they express their passions in very different ways.

  2. Mark Richmond says

    I find many churches over-emphasize the macho man warrior stuff. I am 52 years old and find that much of the churches have men in a one size fits all category. I love intellectual pursuits, theology and politics and the social sciences. Some of the bible studies I have attended seem geared to a cultural characterization of men that seems more societal based than biblically based. One thing I have learned as well is that growing up in an alcoholic -addicted and codependent family from many generations- I personally NEED more of the emotion based stuff- not a lot, but some. This idea that women are emotional, men are wanting to follow Jesus (in a warrior masculine way -whatever that looks like) stuff can be okay at times- but drawing to strict lines about this stuff is what I find repellent in a lot of modern Christian circles.

  3. says

    I agree with Mark Richmond.

    Sometimes the pastor at my church complains that Christian men are ‘wimps.’

    I get very nervous when he talks lik this. I fear that he may undermine the really countercultural values of true Christianity- meekness, gentleness, patience. It is the world that wants men to be tough and aggressive.

  4. says

    …but songs about being held by Jesus, and kissing Him, and Him being our lover will keep most men from singing too boisterously.

    South Park did a send up of stuff like that.

    There really are songs like that, huh? Um… creepy.

    It’s been ages since I went to Mass, but the Catholics didn’t seem to have this problem. I always thought it was weird when our (Protestant) neighbor would take the kids to church and leave her husband at home.

  5. Jeff Bryant says

    Aha! You finally lured me out of my “lurker” status by posting on one of my hot-buttons.

    Any church that emphasizes the “macho man warrior stuff” and then expects its men to sit like good little pupils while the pastor says whatever he wants behind a pulpit every Sunday is kidding itself. As you have pointed out many times on this blog, the average American church “service” is deeply flawed.

    Jeremy, I’d love to hear your take on 1 Corinthians 14:34-35. Is it applicable to today’s American culture? In most of the church “services” I’ve attended, it seems they expect the men to remain silent too!

    Keep up the great writing! I’ve got you subscribed in my Google Reader. :)

  6. Mark Richmond says

    Just a little clarification on my points above. There is a dangerous dichotomy that can be utilized in life and its a black and white approach to a human being. Jesus stated to weep w/those who weep and he represented a meek (old dictionary translation: strong on the inside; one who doesn’t lash out in anger, but controls his emotions- but doesn’t deny them; not the present day idea of being a wimp) attitude toward life. Strong is not necessarily Macho- in fact it can be the antithesis of macho. Jesus of all People was in touch with His emotions in a healthy way. I’ve seen the macho stuff as a cover up for fear based weak (afraid of emotions)men who are FEARFUL of being vulnerable- something Christ wanted out of His followers. I have been to Bible studies where a guy is in pain about something in his life and is being humbled by God and the rest of the men clam up, act as though they can’t relate and become very judgmental of a brothers show of emotion. This is what I speak of. 1Corinthians 14:34-35 speaks of rightly dividing the Word and being a spritual leader- that is great and true and should be the goal of all Christian men. But to place a cultural caricature (lets get together and talk about nothing but cars and football and leave that emotional stuff to the ladies) isn’t strength it’s fear. Balance is the key.

  7. says


    I do not think Morrow does a great job of recognizing the different types of men that are out there. Actually, he does recognize that there are “bookish” men which make up the majority of pastors, and basically says that the average man has trouble relating to such men.

    My short review certainly did not do the book justice. He is definitely NOT saying that all men must be the macho, chest-pounding type. He IS saying that there are lots of men that are not being reached by the church. His book is basically a few suggestions on how we can reach this “unreached” people group in our culture.

    Hope that helps a bit…

  8. says


    That is an excellent comment about the dangerous dichotomy. If we are not careful, we will allow the pendullum to swing too far away from the “gentle, crying Jesus” and emphasize the “whip-wielding, wrathful Jesus” too much.

    As you say, balance is key.

  9. says


    Good to hear from you! I think of you often and am glad to hear from you. I trust all is well…?

    That’s an interesting comment about 1 Cor 14 and even men being told to remain silent. Ha ha! I’m still trying to work through my preference for up-front monologue style teaching.

    I think that what Paul was doing in 1 Cor 14 is trying to instruct the Corinthians toward a way of teaching the largest number of people possible in the most effective way possible. In that city, at that time, in their situation, this required the men to pass on to their wives what was taught in the meeting.

    So probably, to properly apply the passage today, we would need to look at the number of people coming to a “church” for training, look at their level of prior training, and also look at how we could best teach those people.

    Doing so would drastically change the way we do church…

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