Free Book Offer! Read Below…
For people who are gay but who also want to follow Jesus, “coming out” to church people probably feels very close to what lepers felt in the days of Jesus when they first found out they had leprosy. A gay Christian often experiences the same rejection. People who used to love them now fear them. People who used to be friends now avoid them. People they don’t know condemn them.
And frequently today, just like then, after all the rejection and pat answers, gay Christians experience deep loneliness, shame, and fear. Sometimes they wonder if the religious people are right…maybe God is judging them. Maybe God is angry at them. Maybe God does hate them. Maybe they really are lepers.
Wesley Hill struggled with all of this. He is a gay Christian, and recently wrote a book called Washed and Waiting about the struggles and experiences he has faced. I don’t know what your viewpoint is on someone being gay and a Christian, but let me suggest that you read his book before you talk about the “choice” Wesley Hill made to be gay (he didn’t), or how his father was abusive or absent (he wasn’t), or how Wesley should just “man up” and fall in love with a woman (he’s tried), or get “cured” by reading the Bible and praying more (he probably reads the Bible and prays more than you or I).
He shares his story in the book, explaining how he struggled with living according to the Gospel as a gay person, and how he experiences deep loneliness and shame in nearly all of his relationships. I think that every person struggles with these same issues, whether or not we are gay, but from reading the book, it seems such struggles are amplified and magnified for gay Christians.
I’m not sure his answers will satisfy everyone (gay or not), but Wesley came to these conclusions:
- The call of the Gospel is that he not fulfill his homoerotic sexual desires. Celibacy is the route Wesley has chosen.
- The loneliness he feels can be alleviated in the same way it should be for all Christians: in a loving and trusting community of other followers of Jesus.
- His homosexual orientation is not something to be ashamed of, but is a gift from God. God uses Wesley’s homosexuality as a way to love and bless other people–especially gay people–who do not know where they stand before God.
If you know someone who is gay and trying to follow Jesus, or simply want to understand the fear, pain, loneliness, and struggle that gay Christians feel, I highly recommend this book.
FREE BOOK OFFER: If you post a thoughtful reply to this post (not just “Nice post, Jeremy!”), or share a story about yourself, or how you are showing love and acceptance to gay people, I will enter you in a drawing on February 14 for a free copy of Washed and Waiting.
For everybody else, here is a Free Preview PDF.
This book looks really interesting. I’m going to check it out.
Captain Quaker,
Nice name…and nice blog.
Yes, it’s a good book. You can read the first chapter on pdf with the link above.
I’d like to read this book. Your review reminds me that when Jesus called the disciples to follow him they didn’t have it all together. They weren’t without sin. Some of them didn’t even believe or understand what he taugh, yet they followed. Jesus “put up with them”. I think this book would help me to put up with the shortcomings of others and spark a deeper desire to bear their burdens rather than adding baggage.
Bobby,
Yes, none of us have it all together. I know I don’t!
How great is this!?!
The gay community thinks negatively about the body because instead of reaching out…we point them out. I have a friend who years ago had a strong faith in the Lord, but when he began to openly admit his sexuality, he stepped farther and farther away from it all. I love him dearly, and hate to see him turn away from Christ. I’m afraid we’re very selective of those involved when we mention the word revival. Christ died for every single one of us (while we were still sinners)…not just the ones that are easiest to love by our own standards! 🙂 To think that we all meet Christ’s standards! An idea like this could spark a true revolution for the hearts of ALL of God’s children!
I agree. It is sad to hear about your friend. Is there any way of reconnecting with him?
Well, he and I haven’t necessarily grown apart as much as He has been discouraged from his faith in Christ. I plan to read Wesley’s book and maybe pass it along to him. Since I read your post about the book, God has really put him on my heart. I just hate the idea of throwing a book at him as if there’s a problem he has that a piece of literature can fix, so I plan to reach out to him, spend more time with him and make sure I’m not giving him reason to be anymore discouraged.
Absolutely. You are on the right track.
I read your other comment about reading the Bible on Sunday mornings when you have to stay on campus. It might be that he would want to join you in this sometime. I find that LOTS of people who are not comfortable “going to church” still love to get together with others (whether Christian or not) and just read the talk about the Bible over coffee.
Jeremy, my wife and I have been friends with a gay man for a long time. He does attend our church, I do not know if he is a believer. We want to have that balance of care and concern without condemnation. That is a difficult balance. Our quest has been to ask God for help and to give us a good Biblical understanding of how to do and say the right thing at the right time. I may never say anything that is up to the Lord. Many of the guys I hang with have a pretty sad attitude toward the whole subject of gays. I find myself confronting them on occasion. Not because I think that the gay lifestyle is right I do not. But just how to love people no matter what and let God take care of the stuff we can not understand. Believe me there is much I do not under stand about homosexuality. I know this God love and want us to love all people and that is what I will work on doing. INHISMIGHTYGRIPOFGRACE
I am glad he feels welcome at your church. That is somewhat rare in churches today. Do you mind me asking what kind of church it is?
You are definitely doing the right thing when you “love people no matter what and let God take care of the stuff we cannot understand.”
As a gay Christian, I know firsthand how very difficult it is to struggle with your faith, attempting to become a part of the fellowship of Christ, while still dealing every day with your sexual desires and orientation.
And having gone through the “de-gay” programs not once, not twice, but in three separate occasions, only to be labeled a failure of the program, I must say that the road has been quite difficult for me.
My church shunned me, my parents fear for my immortal soul, and many of my friends left me. However, through all this I still held on the my relationship with Christ. He was the only One I could rely upon, and His love and mercy got me through each of these trials.
Today, I am in a loving relationship of over 7 years, and I do what I can to reach out the the GLBT community to share with them that they are loved by the God who created them.
I am overjoyed to see a book like this, and would love to use it to help reach out even more to my local and regional community.
Deegan,
Thank you for sharing part of your story. I am glad that you are able to maintain your relationship with Jesus even though the church has shunned you. I am sorry that happened.
Out of curiosity, what do you think of Wesley Hill’s commitment to remaining celibate? Feel free to speak openly.
Emily,
I do recommend reading that book. It is a bit frustrating, as you point out, that LGBT people want us to accept their lifestyle choices, but they often do not seem to want to accept ours… or at least, our beliefs.
Anyway, if there is any way you could “overlook” and ignore their lifestyle choices for the sake of love and friendship, that would be a good place to start. Even if you think it is sinful (as I do), we all have areas of sin, as do all our friends, so you just choose to love and befriend people despite their sin.
I have read Wesley Hill’s book and it really resonated with me. As a 48 yr old single Christian doctor who happens to be gay , the day to day struggles that comes with being gay has really taken a toll on me. My family is unaware of my situation. For the past 10 years I have purposely stayed away from the attending church primarily because of the shame and condemnation that I hear from the Christian community. I long to be a part of a community where I could fellowship and not be condemned. The most difficult part of this is struggling with intense loneliness and the inherent ills that comes with isolation. So for now I lead a life of quiet isolation. Not sure where to go from here. The lack of intimacy that I feel everyday is palpable. I have success in my professional life yet struggle with this most important aspect of my life. Sometimes I feel God is so far away yet I continue to reach out to him but remain doubtful that things would change….
Thanks for allowing me to share some of my thoughts…
Hippocrates,
You are not alone in your struggle. Please know that Jesus does not require you to “attend a local church” especially when they can be so judgmental toward people who live and believe in different ways than they do. So don’t feel guilty about that.
I believe that Jesus wants to lead you into come close friendships, with both men and women. Pray for these, look for them, and keep waiting patiently as best you can. I would love to hang out and talk if you lived closer… but I am assuming you live in Boston?
Jeremy,
Thanks for the encouragement! I don’t live in Boston anymore but I’m close to you when I often visit my family in NY. The opportunity to hang out with you and share what’s on my heart would be something that I would really enjoy. If you are serious about this, please contact me at
bu*****@gm***.com
Patrick
An email is on it’s way. But I don’t live in NY any longer…. Did I forget to update my information somewhere?
I’d like to read the book, but i’ve read so many durned reviews that i basically already have a cliff notes version. i do however lack a personal connection with mr. hill by electing not to read the book. he is admirable in that he seems to recognize ANY sexual behavior outside the boundaries and sanctity of the marriage between a man and a woman is highly offensive to god. my motto: ‘god isn’t going to judge you any less harshly just because you go hetero and not homo’. i wouldn’t necessarily agree with the statement that his homosexual desires are a ‘gift’. rather, i would say that his honesty in making the decision to not participate in sexual (see my wording here is not orientation specific) activity could be considered a gift, and a very strong witness, just as any unmarried heterosexual. let’s get straight to point. the origin of homosexual desires in individuals is highly debatable. nature vs. nurture etc. there’s really no science or evidence to back up any claims that a person is born this way, or has a genetic predisposition to same gender attraction. this is where the real confusion lies. there could be many factors involved such as sexual experiences at a young age with same gender individuals. who knows the answer? i suppose what i’m saying is that we’ll probably never know the answer as to why these desires are present in a very small population of our society. but there is no denying that thy are. and that’s where our discussion should begin. in regards to the bible and christianity. well my argument is clear. i don’t care what your desires are, and with whom, if you act upon them then your behavior is considered sinful and unacceptable to god. jesus said don’t even dwell upon thoughts of lust, or you shall even be condemned. and god has every right to condemn us if we are not under the lordship of jesus christ. amen!~
Yes, I imagine you could basically get the idea of the book by reading all the reviews. Ha1
As to being condemned, we must not forget about the grace and forgiveness of God as well, and that in Christ “there is therefore now no condemnation,” — even for the worst of sins.
Thank you, Jeremy! I have long felt that it is important to lose the fear factor over this pressing issue, and to bring much needed perspective to this discussion. It must come down to making a distinction between one’s orientation and one’s actions. When you look at it that way, we are all on the same playing field!! We need more empathy and this book sounds like a great springboard! God bless.