Have you ever noticed that one of the main things we Christians are good at is arguing with each other? If there is one thing we are unified in, it is our love for fighting. Sometimes it seems we can argue over almost anything, from the color of carpet to the length of hair, and have Bible verses to support our view.
If you disagree that is is the way we Christians are, let’s argue about it!
Seriously, though. What has gone wrong with the church when love and unity are supposed to be our defining characteristics (John 13:33-35; 17:22)? (There is my Bible verse to prove I am right.)
This post is part of a chain blog addressing this issue. Read below to see how you can participate.
In previous posts, Alan Knox raised the questions, and Arthur Sido proposed that divisions come when we place a desire to be right above the requirement to love one another.
I used to be quite divisive.
I remember belittling a member of my church named Dave who wanted more freedom and flexibility in the church service and asked why we needed to list the songs we were going to sing in the bulletin. I basically told him (though not in quite these words) that he was the new Christian and I was the trained pastor, and God Himself planned our lives before the foundations of the world, so we should follow God’s example and plan our church services. He didn’t argue with me again. He also left the church.
I remember sitting in a Bible study with Amy who debated with me over the meaning of the word “salvation.” She disagreed with me that it had something to do with heaven, and when I told her she was wrong, she pulled out Strong’s Concordance and went to dictionary in back where it said that the definition of salvation (Greek: soteria) was to rescue (physically or morally), or to deliver. Heaven was nowhere in the picture. I told her that Strong was a liberal scholar and didn’t know what he was talking about. I proved my point, and she didn’t come to another Bible study.
I remember telling Marge she had to get rid of all the computers in our back Sunday School room because even though she was using them to help people in the community gain job skills and write resumes, we needed that room for our thriving youth group of three teenagers. She wanted to keep the computers, and help the people who were looking for work, but I told her that since they didn’t come to our church, we needed to look out for our youth group first. As it turned out, the youth group never showed up for youth functions anyway.
I remember a Sunday sermon which I now call “The Dead Plant Sermon” where I accused the church of being a dead plant that had withered up and died. Many people stopped attending after that, proving my point. It was not soon after that I had to find another church to pastor.
Now, twelve years later, I wish I could apologize to all these people. As it turns out, they were right, and I was wrong.
But I can’t apologize to them, because I have long since lost their contact information.
However, I can apologize to you.
As human beings, we are never going to agree on everything, never see eye to eye on every issue, never agree on where to draw the line. When these disagreement occur, we can divide over them, or learn to apologize. So….
I am sorry that I so often blindly argue my case, simply because I want to be right.
I am sorry that I let my prejudices and areas of ignorance pull so much weight in my thinking and writing.
I am sorry that we “spiritual leaders” use our education and knowledge to force our will and ideas upon you.
I am sorry that we, as pastors, priests, authors, bloggers, and Christians leaders have slandered you in public, on our blogs, and from our pulpits.
I am sorry that we accused you of being a heretic simply because you read the Bible differently than we did.
I am sorry that we condemned you for a sin which we ourselves were committing in secret.
I am sorry that we judged you as deserving of hell simply because you were different.
I am sorry for the pain we have caused, the wars we have started, and the people we have enslaved in the name of Christ.
I am sorry for using the Bible to defend the mistreatment of Native Americans, African Americans, Jews, and now Middle Easterners, when we should have used Scripture to expose the sin of such treatment.
I am sorry to women for our treatment of you as inferior partners in the Gospel.
I am sorry to homosexuals for our fear and hate.
I am sorry to the poor, the homeless, the addicts, the alcoholics, and the prostitutes for condemning you for your current situation or how you got there.
I am also sorry for my current arrogance and blind pride which keeps me from apologizing to the people I have hurt the most, or for how even a blog post like this one might be hurtful to some.
Please forgive me. Please forgive us. We were wrong.
Are you dealing with division? Who do you need to apologize to?
Other participants in the chain blog:
- “Chain Blog: Dealing with Divisive Issues Introduction” by Alan
- “Chain Blog: Dealing with divisive issues starts with love” by Arthur
- My Post
- “Chain Blog: Please agree with me” by Jon
- “Division and our shared humanity” by Andy
- “Chain Blog: solving the problem” by Bobby
- “Divisiveness: Acts 2 & Ugly Carpet” by fallenpastor
- “Stimulating our Collective Memory” by Trista
- “No, we can’t just get along” by Alan
- “Who says we are divided?” by Jon
- “Disunity and the mind of Christ” by Fred
- Who will write the next “link” post in the chain?
Chain blog rules:
1) If you would like to write the next blog post (link) in this chain, leave a comment here stating that you would like to do so. If someone else has already requested to write the next link, then please wait for that blog post and leave a comment there requesting to write the following link.
2) Feel free to leave comments here and discuss items in this blog post without taking part in the actual “chain”. Your comments and discussion are very important in this chain blog.
3) When you write a link in this chain, please reply in the comments of the previous post to let everyone know that your link is ready. Also, please try to keep an updated list of links in the chain at the bottom of your post, and please include these rules at the bottom of your post.
4. “Please Agree With Me” by Jon
http://jonjourney.blogspot.com/2011/06/chain-blog-please-agree-with-me.html
Awesome! I will come over and check it out!
So far I have not read all of your old posts, but of those I’ve read, this is your best!
Several people have apologized to me, but never a Christian. They are SO convinced they are right about everything! I apologize if I’ve ever been like that to anyone.
When I was a kid, I lived next to a cemetery and my gramps set tombstones. He took me with him. I visited lots of cemeteries. I wandered while he worked. I remember the tombstone that said “I had the right of way!”, and under that in small letters it said something like, “Look where it got him.”
Sometimes we can be right, but be dead wrong. Loving people, even those who irritate us and have stupid opinions is always the right way.
So true. When you’re right, you can still be wrong.
What r u surposed to do, when u have opoligised to someone, only to have what u did throwen in your face again months later.
Great Post Jeremy!
Now that’s real.
You really have touched on one of the reason a large number of people have left the institutional church. They have not lost their faith, they are not bitter and they do not have an issue with authority. They have simply realized that they cannot grow to maturity in Christ when they are being led by weak and immature believers with diplomas who act in many of the ways that you have expressed. When those who are held out as your leaders and teachers you are in big trouble. Not an issue when we recognize Christ as our only Rabbi, teacher and leader and our fellow believers as simply cherished equal brothers and sisters.
Thank you brother for being willing to be so candid.
Thanks Hutch. We are definitely all human, aren’t we? I am sure that in five or ten years, I will be apologizing for some of what I have said and done today.
Jeremy,
This post demonstrates the kind of life that can begin to the heal the pain and scars of divisiveness.
-Alan
I am learning more and more about the amazing power of forgiveness.
Thanks for being real Jeremy 🙂
Hi Jeremy,
I’ll be one of the links down the chain a little further, but wanted to thank you for your thought-provoking post. One thing I really appreciated from it was how you subtly highlighted that the negative effects of division are often more personal than corporate. For some reason I often equate “division” with “church splitting” and see the negative effect as two different churches where there should have been one. Now, you’ve reminded me that a divisive mindset is more toxic at the personal level – where some other person, working out their own salvation beside me, is unable to see fellowship with me in Christ as something worthwhile because of my own arrogant and selfish mentality. That’s a powerful reminder. Thanks!
Andy,
That is a great way of summarizing the post. I hadn’t thought of it in quite that way before. I look forward to reading what you write down the chain.
Margaret Gibbons. This happens from time to time. Just because you apologize does not mean that they forgive you, and even if they do, I do not believe that forgiveness is forgetting. If we do something really bad, we cannot just do away with the consequences of our actions by apologizing. But apologizing is the first step in restoration and healing.
BTW Jeremy, I certainly did not mean that you alone were weak and immature and that there is somebody other than Christ who can or should occupy such a position. I believe the harm done to people in churches the world over is the natural result of men and women assuming positions God never intended in a system made by men and not by Christ. Just for the record I believe most people in those positions sincerely think they are helping people and not harming them and that their motivations are for the most part pure. They, you and I have just repeated the unbiblical errors and traditions we had been taught.
Our tribe is small, ja? Why be part of or support a system that harms people? I discovered long ago that being part of that system means I must keep my mouth shut, agree with all that is taught and said, or be attacked by the keepers of the right doctrine for daring question one jot or tittle. Perhaps others have made similar discoveries.
Hutch,
I didn’t think you were saying that…. I know that I certainly thought I was helping people. I sincerely hope that I didn’t scare those people away form Jesus forever.
Jeremy,
Much agreement…
“I sincerely hope that I didn’t scare those people away form Jesus forever.”
Me too. 🙁
And – I was so right, I had the truth. I didn’t know it all – but almost.
I guess it’s the things you learn – after you know it all – that really counts.;-)
Thanks for the example.
Hi Hutch
Yea – Boo Hoo… 🙁
“you and I have just repeated the unbiblical errors and traditions we had been taught.”
And by the way – your new Blog site has disappeared – What’s up?
Let me know if you get the chance. Already missing you.
My email is…
lo**********@gm***.com
Jeremy, Glad to have just found your blog!
What a great post. I know that I’ve struggled with loving theology more than I love people. The real amazing thing is how great we are at deceiving ourselves into thinking that this is a godly thing. I’m convicted to see your apologies – glad that you’re maturing this way in Christ!
Thanks Loren,
I see you have a blog too. I will come check it out.
We really are masters of self-deception, aren’t we? I still remember some of the sermons I gave about how if you had to err on being too truthful or being too loving, you should go with truth because a lie is not loving. I still see the logic, but I think it allowed me to justify my unloving treatment of some people.
Jeremy,
Thank you for this heartfelt addition to Alan’s chainblog! I’m glad to have found you through it, and look forward to reading more of your posts here. Seeing your apologies gives me (a seminary student) some hope that there are other people like me who grieve over the dividedness of the Church.
Trista,
Where are you going to seminary? I hope my recent series on blogging through seminary doesn’t not discourage you too much! I had a rough time in seminary.
I’m attending at Fuller Seminary’s Northwest extension in Seattle. I love the interdenominational expression and interactions that I have there! Seminary in general is very different than I imagined it being, though, and I have had to adjust my expectations.
Most of my own difficulty centers around what pastoral ministry is and what I had thought it was. It’s certainly not all butterflies and daisies, that’s for sure. I’m in the process of discerning whether or not ordainied ministry, (my intended pathway since I was a little girl) is truly where my passions/giftings will meet the world’s deep needs.
I’ve published the 9th link post in the chain blog here: “No, we can’t just get along.”
-Alan
If Alan gets to add two posts to this chain blog on the topic of unity, I will too. If I’m not allowed I will become very divisive and start my own chain blog all by myself. 🙂
#10
http://jonjourney.blogspot.com/2011/06/who-says-we-are-divided.html
Thanks!
Awesome! I’ll get both of your posts added to my list and come check them out.
Hey, Jeremy. I’ve been reading through some of your older posts. This one almost made me cry. Thank you for being transparent. It is so rare…and thanks for the apology. 🙂
On that note, I have a question…
“I am sorry to women for our treatment of you as inferior partners in the Gospel.”
I was grateful to see this one on the list (I’m a woman, after all!). A couple of days ago, I read your post “Emergent Immersion” from July 17, 2007. In that post, you said:
“Let me say for the record that I do not believe that there are any biblical grounds for women being elders or teaching pastors of a church. This doesn’t mean women don’t know how to teach the Bible or don’t have teaching gifts. This woman clearly had a gift of teaching and knew her Bible well. I was impressed. But that doesn’t make it right.”
My question… I am genuinely interested to know where your thoughts are on this now and why. Thanks!
Katherine,
Whoa! That is some detective work! Great job.
Thank you for reading through some of those old posts. Here’s the answer:
I went through a MAJOR shift in theology in 2008-2009. I am still experiencing aftershocks today, and am frequently quite surprised at the buildings that keep falling down because they were not built on a firm foundation.
Women not teaching men is one of those buildings that fell a few years ago.
As soon as you get away from the idea of “church” as a person up front doing all the teaching to people sitting in rows of pews.
When I wrote that Emergent Immersion post, it was before my life flipped upside down, and I was trying to interpret some passages super literally (while ignoring a few others).
Today, I love to learn from other women, and think that most men could (and should) learn from women a lot more (especially about the Scriptures).
🙂 Thanks for the reply. This has always been a hard one for me. It’s amazing what buildings crumbles when you really start to dig with the intent of gaining understanding rather than just knowledge. If you’re interested I touched on this in a post a couple years ago called The Woman’s Place & Other Thoughts. It was written in that first year after walking away from my church. The aftershocks were still being felt (still have a few even now). This was part of what came out of that first wave. 🙂
I’m headed over to read it now. Thanks for the recommendation.
Hi Jeremy,
Late reply here, but I just now found this. Thanks Brother.
You have outlined *perfectly* what I’ve been struggling with. I cannot (do not want to and won’t ) walk away from my Lord Jesus, but I have certainly wanted to walk away from “the church”.
I visit that building to learn more about my Savior, to offer love and support, and frankly, to find love and support. Not correction for the sin of saying “you” instead of “thou” 🙂
You just gave me hope that I can find other Christian men who are able to be real and genuine, Thank you sir.
Blessings to you as you press on 🙂
We are out here, and there are more of us than we realize, but sometimes, we are hard to find.
I wish there was a better way for some of us to connect and meet. If you find something, let me know!