Nobody enjoys losing their keys, their watch, or their TV remote. But at least when you lose such things, you can go looking for them. One of the most helpless feelings I have ever faced was when I lost something important to me, but could not go looking for it.
What was it that I lost?
I lost myself. It was not that I got lost while walking through the woods or driving around a city. No, I lost myself. I lost who I was a person, my goals, my dreams, my values, my beliefs. There were times when I felt like I was beside myself, looking into my brain, and saying, “Who is this person? I don’t recognize him. He has no connection with the past. No plans for the future. How can this be me?”
At one point during this time, I tried to write an “About Me” page for my blog, and the best I could come up with was:
Who I once was, I no longer am. Who I am now, I do not recognize. Where I am going, I do not know. So who is Jeremy Myers? Hang around, and maybe we can figure it out together.
I know. Gibberish, right? But that was my life. It made no sense. It had little meaning. There was no hope for the future. No significance to the past. Due to a series of events in my life, all my dreams and goals lay shattered at my feet. I was Humpty Dumpty, and I did not think I could ever be put me back together again.
I Once was Lost…
I lost myself as a result of following Jesus. I have always prided myself in trying to hear and understand all sides of an issue before I take a stance. The problem with doing this, however, is that you might end up losing some of the convictions, values, and beliefs that define your identity and drive your future goals. In the process of researching some things that were fundamental to who I was, I lost my job and all my friends, nearly destroyed my family, and fell into deep depression, bitterness, fear, and anger.
During this time, I wrote a blog posts which described how I felt.
…But Now I’m Found
I year after I lost myself, I recognized glimmers of something being rebuilt within my life. I wasn’t sure what it was, or where I was headed, but for the first time in a long time, I had hope. I also wrote a post I wrote during this initial recognition.
Today, there is more hope than ever before. Though I still feel that large portions of me are lost forever, I am beginning to see a new “me” emerging. And though I am fearful every day that this too will be smashed to pieces, I like what I see.
What happened? Where did the renewed hope come from? How did I rise from the dead?
Raising Citizen Kane
While some of the healing came simply as a result of the passage of time, a large part of me was found because the movie Citizen Kane. The movie begins with Charles Foster Kane on his deathbed. His last word before he dies is, “Rosebud.” The movie then focuses on investigative reporters trying to figure out what he meant. They are unable to uncover the truth, but at the end of the movie we discover that although Charles Kane had become very rich and powerful, the time in his life when he was happiest was when he was a boy sledding down a hill in his backyard. “Rosebud” was the name of his sled.
During the time when I felt that who I once was had died, I frequently thought back to times in my life when I was happiest. I thought about where I was, and what I was doing in those times. I discovered two common themes in these memories: I was nearly always in nature, and I was nearly always reading or writing.
Writing a New Future
So like a drowning man trying to keep his head above water, I began to frantically read and write. And it seems to be working. I have a renewed vision for the future. I see God’s hand at work, even in the pain of the past. I see restoration and healing entering my relationships. I no longer feel like I’m lost.
Reading and writing will not work for everyone who feels lost, but it has always been something that brought me peace, joy, and a sense of direction. I am not sure what it might be for you. But the way to start is by being Citizen Kane and looking back to the times in your life when you were happiest and felt like your life had purpose and meaning. Find the common activities or themes in these times, and then pursue them. They should not be something sinful or addictive, for these always bring destruction. It may be a person, a place, or an activity, but whatever it is, it should bring light, love, and restoration to your soul.
Do you sometimes feel lost? So did I. And I still do. I have found that the best thing to do is sit down, breathe, and wait for the light to arrive and hope to appear.
* * * * *
This post is part of the May Synchroblog. Here is a list of the others participants:
- John Martinez at Indie Faith – Letting Go of the Holy Me
- Beth Patterson at Finding Ground – What is Passed Over is Not Love
- Ellen Haroutunian – Life Unfurling
- Marta Layton – On Burdens, Blessings, Babies and Bathwater
- Alan Knox at The Assembling of Church – Where Did I Go?
- Pam Hogeweide at How God Messed Up My Religion – Letting Go of a Church-Centered Me
- K.W. Leslie at the Evening of Kent – Legalism, Anti-Legalism, and Anti-Anti-Legalism
- Ryan Harrison at How We Spend Our Days – Scraping the Barnacles
- Kathy Escobar at The Carnival in My Head – Letting God Off the Hook
- Christine Sine at Godspace – Giving Up For God, What Does it Cost?
- Liz Dyer at Grace Rules – What Do You Do When You Are Not Sure
- Dan Brennan at Faith Dance – Letting Go for a Greater Good
- Elaine Hansen – Recovering Control Freak – Let Go?
- Wendy McCaig at View From the Bridge – Embracing the Grey
- Chris at The Amplified Life – Seasons of Life
- Kerri at Practicing Contemplative – Synchroblog
- Margaret Boelman – Breath
- Jules Kennedy – Letting Go…Watching the Rope Come Apart
I understand this lost feeling you are talking about and wonder if it’s something we all go through at one time or another. Your description of not being able to write about who you were describes much of my adult life. In the midst of my deepest, darkest depression a good friend advised that I find just one thing that was true, cling to that, and begin to question everything else. Finding myself again is proving to take more strength and courage than I have on my own. God continues to show me that I can only, truly find myself in him.
That was good advice from your friend. Do you mind sharing what the one thing was which you clung to?
This is beautiful, Jeremy. Yes I feel lost, and these days it feels a bit more like flying than drowning. Though I once wrote a post from the perspective of drowning, so I can definately relate to that, as well. And keep writing. It was my spiritual director who helped me see that writing is a huge, significant part of my prayer life, rather than something seperate or distracting. You also put Wilco in my head: “What you once were isn’t what you want to be anymore.” Blessings.
Like flying? Hmmm. That is interesting. I sometimes feel like I’m spinning or have a weightless existence. I also like what your spiritual director said. Sometimes I can hardly tell the difference between writing and praying. I also sometimes feel that writing is worship.
thank you so much for sharing so honeslty— i feel very lost and at times it is both devastating and freeing. crying one minute, rejoicing the next. very confusing- but i would never go back! reading (books and blogs like this) has been a saving grace. it helps so much to know that i am not the only one. i am fortunate that the things that bring me the most joy are solo activities (painting/reading/gardening/running/hiking etc)- just me and God- i think if we pin our hopes on a person, or people, we will always be dissapointed.
Keri,
Yes, people almost always disappoint us. Even those closest to us. I cannot tell you how often I have hurt and disappointed my wife.
BTW, have you ever been to the Bruderhof community? I think I might go there for the free dinner this Saturday. I have no desire to join their community, but I would like to see it.
how self-centered i am- i didnt even think about all the people that i have hurt- obviously still have a lot of growing to do:(
and the bruderhof-never been in the complex, but i have seen them around- they appear like they are amish (women in plain dresses with head coverings)- but they seem nice. especially if they are giving out free meals (are you sure these meals aren’t intended for the homeless? j/k )- you will have to blog about the experience- would be interested in hearing about it
Keri,
I didn’t intend it that way. Sorry. You’re not selfish. I am just coming down off a weekend where I disappointed my wife, so it was fresh in my mind.
Jeremy,
I think we took similar directions in our posts. I don’t know if I recognized the change that I was going through when I was in the middle of it. Now, I constantly recognize that God is changing me, but I rarely know what that change will look like.
-Alan
I am headed over to read you post in a few minutes. The change has been (and still is) very painful for me and quite unsettling. Sometimes, I think it would be so much easier and safer to go back to the way I once was.
Jeremy,
Thanks for sharing this and thanks for you opennes and honesty. My God continue to guide you on your journey. I’m sure so many others, like myself, can relate to this post.
-Chris
You have experienced this as well? Have you written about it anywhere? I would love to read it.
What a touching piece, Jeremy! Reading and writing can indeed help you out of feeling lost.
Is is possible that religion played a significant part in you ending up feeling “lost”? It did for me. My young life plays like a soap opera that would never sell because it would be labeled “unbelievable”. Religion run amuck would be the central character. Many of the supporting figures in that religious drama ended up dead from suicide or murder. Most of the others were seriously scarred for life.
Money, power, authority and control that have been central characters in the story of Christianty for most of its existence! The church, supported by her minions, has indeed been “she who must be obeyed” (and not questioned). Discovering that all is not well and that so much of what we were taught is questionable at best (and much of it for the benefit of said minions) can make us question almost everything about life and ourselves.
My personal “foundness” comes not from focusing on my past and the shams and lies perpetrated by what and whom I was taught to trust, but from finding the real Jesus and following Him. My journey has led me to focusing on other people (instead of myself), trying in my own way to be the hands, arms and voice of Jesus to them. I mess up all the time, but that doesn’t stop me from trying.
Religion definitely played a role, especially in the areas of money, power, authority, and control, as you said.
I am desperately chasing after Jesus and trying to learn as much as I possibly can about Him so that I can follow Him more closely, and reflect Him to the world.
I never found Jesus in a book, like I never found love in a book. But I did find Him.
Is it possible that He has already caught you?
Yes, I think so. But I often feel like I’m still falling.
Perhaps I might better say that I have figured out some of the places where Jesus hangs out. Although the experiences of some may be different, I never, ever found Jesus in any “church”. I found religious people.
To be honest, at first I didn’t recognize Jesus when I saw Him. It was kind of like the television show “Undercover Boss”. I know you don’t watch tv, but if you watch that show a time or two you might figure out where to look for Jesus.
That is a great analogy.
I think Brennan Manning tells a story about this…how a king disguises himself to go visit his people and see what they think about the king. It might be a children’s story… I wish I could remember more about it.
Yes, I am learning to recognize Jesus too. I think you are further down the road than I am…
I’ve had my turn, but your last comment about the child’s fable (I know that one) sparked something. For many years I have searched for a very old fable that has eluded me. You’re well-read. Do you know the fable I’m about to describe:
A man works as a common workman. He can tell no one who he is (a king?) There is something about sheep and wool in the story. If he reveals his identity, something great will be lost. (Maybe the people have to figure out who he is?) I read the story in a set of my father’s books when I was six.
Sorry. I cannot say I have ever read that story. It sounds good though.
Jeremy,
Thanks for sharing your self with us here. I too understand that lost feeling. I too know what it feels like to not know who I am or where I went. It is good that you have found something that will begin to leave lasting impressions on you that you can recognize later as the real Jeremy Meyers. Take care. 🙂
Thanks John. I think many people feel lost and alone. We’re all alone together!
My life has allways been controlled by others and self esteem i have none. Even though i have turned to god for help with everything Im lost and severe depressed . I still live my life around others because being controlled mentally that i have no meaning to my self. Ineed rescued and to learn to care about my self but just have no energy or any thing to look forward too. I want so bad to have a life ..i need help and don’t know how to do it for my self. I wished there was a place i could go and be taught to care about my self.
Your story really resonated with me because I too feel as if I should be writing and I just love being in nature.
I’ve felt lost for years now and there doesn’t seemt to be any light for me. Not that I was consistently praying, but I recently stopped all together because I felt like nothing ever happened not even for others I prayed for.
I know what you are talking about with prayer. I stopped praying for a long time too because it seemed that whatever I prayed for, I received the opposite. When I didn’t pray, at least some of my hopes and needs were met.
Have you written about your experiences anywhere?
I love how culture (i.e. movies, art, etc.) can speak to us. Thanks for sharing your journey, Jeremy.
I agree about movies, art, and music. I often think that “secular” artists have a better feel for the pulse of what God is doing in culture than we Christians do. I have frequently learned more about mission and service by listening to a song or watching a movie than by reading and studying the Bible.
thanks for sharing, jeremy. these posts are so good. i really like the thought that there’s waves of lostness, that none of this is a once and for all & when we feel it, there’s hope as we hang in, hang on, find what’s good, wait, breathe.
Thanks for sharing, Jeremy. It seems like you were watching over my shoulder as I was going through the same stuff 6 years earlier and you tried to copy me :). But, it was something I wouldn’t wish on anyone, but yet, any Christian who truly walks in the path of our Lord will have these “impasses” as I like to call them. I take it as a rebuke as well as a steering in a specific direction. But since I’m stubborn, and I think my way is best, I lost my way TWICE, and I was silly enough to go back to the same place I got lost. This is when I KNOW it’s grace. 😉
I think God often takes us on the same path as others because (1) it works in refining us and drawing us closer to him, and (2) those who have traveled it before can encourage and help those who are traveling it now. Thanks for your encouragement!
Interesting insight..I never really saw it like that..Thnaks
Wait and breathe. I cannot tell you often I focused on doing those two things, and only those two things.
Hi Jeremy – I’m just now getting around to finding time to take in all the wonderful posts from this month’s synchroblog. Thanks for sharing this part of your story – I too have felt lost at times – like you said, sometimes I still do. What I have found is that listening to or reading other’s stories helps me fell unlost – I think it has something to do with connecting with God through others.
Liz,
No problem. Life gets busy at times. Yes, knowing that others are going through similar struggles helps.
I also feel lost. Who am I? What do I do in this world? What can I even do? Nothing? So I shouldn’t be here then ? And I feel cold. I lost interest in doing anything. I don’t have a goal, a dream, a purpose, completely nothing. I have once tried to live for today and enjoy life, enjoy things around me. But the lost feeling came back again. It was only a temporarily solution and it’s failing now. I even thought about killing myself to go to heaven.
Giang, There are many things you can do. Volunteer to help at a school. Offer to help out at the animal shelter. Walk your neighbor’s dog. Bake some cookies and take them to a neighbor. Offer to help feed the homeless or at a soup kitchen. Volunteer to read children’s books during story hour at the library. Whatever you do, look at the people, smile, and say “I’m Giang. What’s your name?” God knows your name and theirs. When you meet people and they respond positively, talk to them and find out their interests.
Giang,
I completely agree with what Sam wrote. Also, it might be wise for you to seek out a counselor or psychologist to talk to. When I faced deep depression, I never wanted to go to sleep because I knew that I would have to wake up the next morning to a day that was worse than the one I had just gone through.
Several things helped. One of them was learning to focus on other people. That is what Sam proposes. I also went to see a counselor who helped me work through some issues. I wish there was some other way I could help…
Jeremy Myers, I am happy for you. May you bring hope and joy to the people around you. May you be happy and peaceful.
hey Jeremy, i found this post on top when i googled that i m lost and cant find myself again, that was when i discovered that i’m not alone and not the only one who has experienced this horrible experience..reading ur post was kinda comforting and brought hope…but these days i’m really getting more and more scared because nothing i’m trying to be myself again seems to be working and i’m angry and scared all the time thinking about present and future…i feel like i have lost everything, my dream, my passion, myself just because of a stupid decision i took last year..but i fixed it as soon as i could, then why’s still happening to me..why its feeling like there’s no way out of this…i do have a idea of what i’m missing of life but that only makes me more scared..i really think there’s no way out.. 🙁
Shanu,
I know the feeling you describe quite well. It gives me shivers to think about the time I was in that exact same place. Every day was worse than the one before, and I dreaded going to sleep at night, because I knew the next day would be even worse.
I have nothing to say which can help get you through it. I am sorry. Do know that you are not alone. Also know that others have been where you are, and they got through it, and you will too. It may take months or even years (mine lasted about 3-4 years).
This may not help, but looking back now, I believe that this dark period of time in my life was so that God could get rid of a bunch of bad ideas about Him in my head. He showed me that He was not the type of God I thought He was. He was much more forgiving, gracious, kind, patient, and loving than I ever imagined.
Don’t give up. Keep pressing forward, taking one day, one hour, one breath at a time.
Feel free to yell and scream at God if need be. He can take it. That is also something that helped me… true honesty and openness before God about how I felt and how angry I was at Him for how my life was going.
I´m too going through the same thing right now.
Even though I know God has a purpose for this, I am very tired of this season in my life…
I feel so bad about myself for being angry at God, because I know that He only wants the best for me, I am feeling pressured about what I should do or don´t do has a Christian, I mean, I´m supposed to be feeling joy no matter what, to have patience, to trust God, to read the Bible, etc … but right now it just doesn´t feel like that,I feel that God doesn´t answer my prayers,or that maybe I lost my opportunity to be used in some way by Him, or that I lost my future because of the bad choices I have made .
I felt like nobody understood me, the people who i´ve talked to always tell me to find my passion, to do what I like,but I don´t really know that right know, if I knew I would not be feeling like this …
Your story really helped me not to feel like I am the only one like this, that it is just a process (a hard one), and I will think about my past and analyze what made me happy before and see what I can find about myself .
Thank you very much for sharing (and sorry for my english hehe)
Your English was fine. Thank you for commenting.
It is difficult to talk to others about these topics, because they sometimes condemn us for having such feelings or thoughts.
I’m a believer who is so lost, she’s buying into the insidious lie that ‘I’m not real to God’. Way to feel lost on so many levels. I’m truly just hanging on by my fingernails. I know I’m buying into a lie, so one would think I could simply call it that and move on, right? Feelings lie, the truth will set you free – yes my head knows the truth. Meanwhile I struggle daily, putting this lie from me. What are you meant to do when worship music is nothing more than a pleasant drone? When you can’t connect the God dots, so Bible reading is out the window. Giving church away because it’s exhausting pasting the smile. Giving friends away because you know to be your authentic self will drive them away anyway. Floating, disconnected, going through the motions, fooling noone. Praying for Jesus return because doing life like this is Hell.
I’m sorry to vent, what a way to witness to those who don’t know Christ.
Sel,
Thank you for your brutally honest post. I have lived all the things you describe above and in some ways am still living some of them. I know what it is like to not want to go to church or to be open with my friends because the fear of being rejected if I was truly honest. I cannot give you an easy answer on how to get to the other side of this. I do know that God loves you and wants you to know that without any doubt. I also know that God desires for us to really know Him, so much that He paid the ultimate price so we could see the reality of who He is. Keep clinging to Him and crying out for His presence and He will show Himself to you. Even when all you can do is scream at him like an angry child, He never walks away, in fact, I believe He appreciates our angry outbursts more than he cares for a praise song that we don’t really mean.
I would encourage you to seek out some trustworthy friends that can walk through this with you. We are not meant to do this life alone, and when we cannot drown out the lies of the evil one ourselves, we need those friends who will speak the truth into our lives no matter what. It is difficult to trust enough to open ourselves up to the possibility of that rejection, but we need that and I believe we cannot be successful without it. Find friends who will speak the truth of who you are in Christ and the truth of God’s character, and the truth of what He has done and will continue to do for you, and not those who give glib platitudes. Find friends who do not always have to have an answer, but can simply say “that sucks, I don’t know why that is happening to you, but I love you and God loves you”. I know I have these friends in my life, and I could not have gotten through all the things I have without them.
In Christ,
Pastor FedEx
PS Don’t worry about how this looks to the unbeliever, most of them want genuine authentic struggle instead of the plastic Sunday morning “I’m fine” Christians they generally encounter. They can tell what is real, and what is just a façade, and your struggles are real, and they can relate to that, trust me.
Sel,
You sound exactly like I did when I wrote this post. Exactly.
For me, it was helpful to separate “God” from all the other stuff we have built up around God. If you don’t like Christian music, don’t listen to it. I started listening to “secular” music during my time in the wilderness, and found it to be amazingly therapeutic and worshipful.
So you don’t want to go to church and paint on a smile? Good! Don’t go. It will seem strange for a while, but start to look for ways God teaches you and encourages you on your own, without the mediation of Sunday service.
Yes, it seems like hell. Yes, each day seems worse than the one before.
There is nothing I can say that will get you through it faster. Just know that God has not abandoned you, and it doesn’t sound like you have abandoned God. To me, it sounds like God is trying to lead you away from everything with a “Christian” label SO THAT you can follow Jesus in a way you never knew possible.
Nothing like Evanescence to show how we are not the only Christians who feel totally lost.
i love da way u expressd ur feeelings i lost myself cant find myself anywhere heart goes on a diffrnt path n brain on a another i m never happy anymore i dont knw wat i am doing most of the time, m so lost… but wat u wrote is beautiful… 🙂
I don’t know if anyone will answer, but this is how I feel lately. I miss my old self. If this is the new me of God, I thought his way was supposed to be better? I don’t believe that. It has to be something else.
One possibility is that you are in transition. Many people have called it “the dark night of the soul.” It is a time of autumn and winter in your life, when the summer growth is dying and fading away. But spring is coming, and with it, new growth and new life! Be patient with what God is doing now, as painful as it can be.
i miss myself .. whenever i reach to a certain point where i find the key to heal my lost feelings , life takes a turn n im lost again .. every time a new key to be found so i got tired of it and let myself go with lost feelings few years back .. time passing by n im realizing that i cant afford going on like this as its gonna snatch away all my years from me like this..5 years back i found out that complete privacy is the key right now to stand back on my feet again n find myself, i got married .. i lose myself when im with someone i guess ..
Thanks for the solution you given in the story you expressed very well. I lost my self completely I feel a deep hollowness in my heart, I don’t know how to react for the particular situation I don’t feel like to talk any one and near to destroy my relationship with my husband I am searching something and I don’t know what it is.
Thank you Jeremy for your honesty. It blesses me by showing me again I am not alone.
Most of my life I have been lost and searching. I had a wonderful experience of God’s massive power to change my life and His massive love that accepts me. This love that He showed me caused me to go in faith out into the wilderness (out of organised religion) to search for the real Jesus & God. What a ride it has been!
But now I feel more lost than ever.
I believe that God is shattering the idolatrous notion that the church is an organization, building, pastor, committee, even the bible, or anything but Jesus alone shown to us by the Spirit (the true word of God). There are many scriptures that could mean that God’s people are totally lost in the last days and that we are so lost he has to come back to rescue us. I believe that as God begins judgement at the house(hold) of God we will continue to feel more and more lost until one day all sincere children of God (this includes some Jews, Palestinians, and christians) will be delivered from this darkness and see how what they thought was holy was idols covered with maggots. Will we hold on?
At times i have felt that finding God is finding yourself, as in finding you again, and finding him but in a more revealing manner that not even another could do but yourself for you. I know how you feel that what if we have truly lost what is right? But then again God’s love tells me what’s right from the heart to his light that is like a spotlight that no one else can feel but me, that is until I show love, kindness, the positive feelings to those around me they feel it too because we were made for that :), but i digress I think that in the last days we will all become one with God (not in a way of the trinity) but in his love and joy. Even if all are from different religions are not all his children? all of us all in his light. But I might be stating the obvious (lol) because if im right there is something in revelation that all, from all nations will come together so yeah i Think i am but anyways much love and wishes to you Andrew because i can relate… many can, and yes we will hold on until his will be done Amen 🙂
Jeremy, thank you for your honesty. I was never able to put into words what you have stated so clearly: “I lost myself as a result of following Jesus. I have always prided myself in trying to hear and understand all sides of an issue before I take a stance. The problem with doing this, however, is that you might end up losing some of the convictions, values, and beliefs that define your identity and drive your future goals.” The rebuilding takes time and sometimes I forget that it is His work, not mine. This afternoon I was feeling lost again but in finding your post I was found again, remembering that He is the potter and I am the clay — the clay doesn’t have to do anything but sit still on the wheel — the potter does all the work! Thank you, once again, for sharing!
I’m do not know what to do!!
What is wrong?
I feel so lost. I can’t tell where I am. I am mentally disturbed and confused as to where I am. Like I can’t tell reality from unreality. Last year I had an experience of finding Christ in such a way that it was as though I had died, completely left the physical world and my body, when I woke up all I could see was God all around me, and felt god within me. It was as though I no longer existed, but was part of it all. The experience is difficult to describe, but it was so beyond myself. I felt free and full of joy and love for some time, but one day I felt a shift in the loving energy that I was consumed in, and I felt myself being sucked back into myself, not wanting to go. I was kicking and screaming, not wanting to leave. I’m here now, but I’m not knowing how to live, what to think of myself, or what to make of this world, others. I am so scared that I don’t know how to live without Christ. I feel crazy, scared of everything. I try to get out, do things, meditate. I can’t without constantly feeling a loss of God. Everything I feel, see, people I once felt attatched to all apear foregn to me. This is the exact opposite of heaven. I fear for my soul. Idk if I am suppose to kill myself, if I want to kill myself. There are thoughts in my head telling me I’m evil, that I am here forever, that God no longer loves me or can help me. That I am worthless and not even God can save me. I can’t tell what is what. I’m so torn up. Reality feels unreal and dark. I freeze up in so many situations. I find myself being ungodly at times without being aware of it. It hurts so much. I see life happening around me, but I can’t tell if it is really happening. Idk if I’m really alive or not. I need help, I need to find a way out. I need God! I want to live, but not without God! I want out, but it’s hard with all the voices telling me I can’t escape, and that I am godless and should suffer for eternity. Please help me find my way back to God!
Chris,
You are going through what some call the dark night of the soul. It is a season in your life as a follower of Jesus which will bring maturity and focus.
It is impossible to live your entire Christian life with that emotional/spiritual high which you had when you first experienced Christ last year. Think of that time as the spring of your Christian life. You are now in the fall or winter when everything seems dead, cold, and barren.
Just relax in this time and remember that no matter what God loves you, accepts you, and forgives you. In time, spring will roll back around, and you will have a fresh experience. But of course, it won’t be long before winter arrives again.
Bottom line: The Christian life is full of seasons and cycles, just as every other element of life. They are part of the growing process, so enjoy each season you are in.
Right now, just know that God is with you and has not abandoned you.
Hey,I jus wan thank u…feel better…if u near me I will share lot..I’m not good writer thanks fr ur sharing..lot f them like me..got lot to talk n feel to shar..but no words to write..still finding my life n words..
nature reading and writing… exactly those.. but i even cry when i look at the sky i stopped writing and reading too.. i dread to see my own words.. it feels like no one accepts me.. and i struggle to open my heart to anything… anyone.. i feel totally lonely.. and broke.. keep losing jobs homes .. i know life is the meaning.. of all.. i understand faith.. if i listen a bit of sermons are the times of little relief but then i fall back to deep darkness.. my father is an addict .. i lost friends.. im afraid to hurt others because my negativity is just badly toxic.. i wish i could forget it all.. i wish i never lost anyone.. i know i am capable of change.. i do not want to resist it.. but i came to know some new people.. and im worse then ever… highly attached.. it was good to read about someone with a similar experience.. i need something stable.. reliable.. church is strange.. i know i should just get on with it and be patient but now have rather avoided it .. nothing seem to make sense anymore.. and i can not and do not want to pretend.. but i am afraid i am just a joke now
what are you talking about?
Aethyr you need Jesus do you know him ask him to come into your life you are in a bad place.He will help you we cant do it in our strength he promises peace he will heal your past and your hurts he loves you reach out to him.All it takes is a simple prayer Jesus i need you to come into my life and just say you are sorry for all the wrong things you have done and accept that he died for you and he will come into your life and help you.He died on the cross for us he took our sin our sickness our pain and gave us his life in its fullness you dont need to suffer anymore and struggle on your own he knows what you need and he will help you.We have been in the same place as you he promises to never leave us nor forsake us.Come and be part of the family of Jesus Christ let him show you how much he loves you. brentnz
Thank you dear Brentnz, thanks so much.
I’m in a bad place too right now and your story is encouraging. Battling many things and its exhausting. Do the things don’t want to do out of pain. Things desire to do good are locked in my heart and spirit like a prisoner. I’ve experienced deep regret, depression sorrow and pain of all kinds. Love and encourage others,but struggle with identity as longer we are on the journey more we lose ourselves to find christ alone.
Lost in the jungle literally. Suddenly I achieved the dream after so many years or work and waiting. Now what after dream achieved. I’ve went through the darkest storm in my life and manage to survive once again. Now I’m fear while standing on the safety ground. It always got me the feeling that now is the dawn before another storm. It just feels there isn’t any corner in this world I belongs to. I’m committed Christian and surrendered my life to Christ but it feels like I never do enough to deserve a good part of life. Not even a little bit of it till my emotions are numb and hardly to have anything could makes me rejoice and happy about.
10 years ago my husband left me and for financial reasons we have stayed married, I am not happy as I use to be but I am happy with being content. My job and my animals have become my life and I have grown closer to Jesus and I hold no grudges but I still remember and I have moved on with my life in a positive life style.
I have always felt like I had lost my husband and this person I am living with now looks, and sounds like my husband but I still miss the husband I had. I do not want to accept this person as my husband because he can not compare to the man I was married to.
Since then I am always having dreams that I am lost trying to find my way home and the more I search the more lost I get. I think it is because I don’t feel like I have a home with the husband I have now (who is the husband I lost).
This simple blog post really touched home. Got lost. Need to find myself once again.
I envy people who can have faith in God. I grew up in Amherst Massachusetts, the bastion of atheism , communism. Amherst was once a rural farming community at the time that Umass was really just a agricultural school. my mother made me go to church and when I was young I believed. But then I went through the atheistic woke communist schools in the town of Amherst. Science said that there was no god. Because I couldn’t see God, hear God or count on him for anything he didn’t exist. I took the required philosophy course Course at the University of Massachusetts. “If God is omniscient, omnipotent, and why does he Allow evil to exist.?” Free will? So there I was rudderless. It changed my life forever and has made it so difficult. I wish that I could go back but I fear that is impossible now for me I will say it again. I envy those of you who believe. I wish that I could, but I am an agnostic now. I am sure that the devil has a theme park for me if he exists. I am very old now and weak. I will try to live the rest of my life in the manner Jesus taught. Yes,
I have read the entire Bible, King James version. Songs such as Brooks & Dunn, “I believe” tear at my emotions. You can view it on YouTube and it will probably make you cry. I highly recommend it. But I digress. The academic communities sentenced children to hell and there is no escape. Once the devil has programmed you.