Below is an excerpt from a book I’m writing called Adventures in Fishing (for Men). The book is a satirical allegory about Christian attempts at evangelism. He who has ears to hear…
On the day after my trip to the pet store, I went out to my pool to see how my fish were doing. Every single one of them was dead.
It figures. Now I know why the store manager and that punk kid of his were laughing at me as I left. The fish they sold me were all sick! The crooks. I really should report them to the police. But I knew when to forgive and forget, and didn’t God say, “It is mine to avenge; I will repay”? I would let God deal with them by sending them to burn forever in the pit of hell. That would be worse than sending them to prison where they might reform their lives and find Jesus. Yes, it was better to just let them continue in their sin. Besides, I had already warned the kid that he was headed for hell. His blood would not be on my head as he burned for all eternity.
But what was I going to do about fish? I couldn’t go buy more. My wife was already upset at how much I had spent on the boat, the fishing gear, the pool, and the fish. I couldn’t spend more money right now. I had to find some free fish to put in my pool so I could begin catching them.
But where? Where could I find free fish?
I guess it was time to start reading some of those fishing magazines. I pulled a few out and started thumbing through them, looking for articles about where to find fish. And wouldn’t you know it, there were several articles on this very topic! One article in particular was very helpful, stating that fish liked to hide under logs, behind rocks, and in the weeds. I had some of these right in my yard. Could it be possible that fish were hiding right in my backyard?
I didn’t quite understand how this could be. Didn’t fish live in water? How could they hide behind rocks and trees? Clearly, there was something I was missing.
So I decided to put my superior research skills to use in finding a solution to this problem. The answer did not take long. That is what happens when you have an intellect like mine.
I searched Google for “fish on land” and learned that scientists have discovered a fish that climbs out of the water and walks around on land. They call it a “mud skipper.”