Christians like to claim that we are guided by Scripture and controlled by the Holy Spirit.
But I was recently talking to my insanely wise and beautiful wife, Wendy, and she pointed out that the two things which seem to guide and control Christians are actually fear and guilt.
We are guided by fear and controlled by guilt.
My wife used the example of a typical church-missionary relationship. When raising support, some missionaries use guilt to get others to support them. They shows pictures of starving children, or tell stories about how people without the gospel are headed for hell. But then, when they are on the missionary field, and not much is happening through their ministry, they feel compelled to embellish what they are doing so that it the money which people are spending on them is well-spent. They are afraid that if they “tell it like it is,” the money will stop.
But when they send glowing reports of all that God is doing on the mission field back home, those in the pews feel even more guilty because they don’t see God “working” in their own life in the same miraculous ways. They feel guilty that they are not following Jesus overseas.
The missionaries also get put up on a pedestal so that when they return home on furlough, they have to conform to a certain standard of holy behavior which matches the pedestal that has been built for them. Furthermore, even though the missionary may be exhausted from working overseas, they feel compelled to visit people in their homes and go speak in a myriad of churches just so that they can maintain their financial support.
And on and on it goes, in an endless cycle of fear and guilt.
Fear and Guilt in Church
Of course, this cycle goes beyond just the relationship between churches and the missionaries they support. Guilt and fear are at the heart of preaching, of doing what our pastor says, of attending church regularly, and of putting on the smiley face for Sunday services.
The pastor wants to prove that he is worthy of his pay (even though he is afraid he is not), and so must use manipulative practices to keep people coming to church and giving their money. He fears that if he does not keep this up, he will lose his job. He also fears that his sermons are not as good as the ones the pastor down the street preaches, and fears he will lose his people to that other church. The pastor, robbed of life by fear and guilt, uses fear and guilt to control others.
People fear displeasing their pastor, since his is “the man of God,” and so often do what he says without question, because he speaks for God and knows what God wants better than they do themselves. The people, living under fear and guilt of what will happen if they do not obey, do not have the freedom to follow Jesus for themselves.
People are afraid to miss a Sunday service because of what others will think or say about them. Fear and guilt keep us returning to situations where only more fear and guilt get piled upon us.
People are afraid to let others know about their sins, temptations, struggles, and doubts, and so put on a smiley face for church services and Bible studies. Since everybody is doing this, nobody realizes that everybody is afraid that others will discover who they really are, and feel guilty that they seem to deal with issues and temptations that nobody else faces. Fear and guilt keep us from being honest and from opening up to others about our struggles.
What’s the solution?
I think we all struggle with fear and guilt in numerous ways. We experience fear and guilt in our jobs, our marriages, our families, and our finances.
But I also believe that Jesus wants to free us from both. I do not think we were meant to live life wrapped in the chains of fear and guilt.
How do we break free?
We follow Jesus.
He will lead us into freedom. The journey is long, but it is a journey worth taking. As we walk with Jesus, we will discover that the one person who knows everything about us is also the one person who loves and accepts us completely. When we come to that realization, the fear and guilt begin to wash away, and we are able to begin to live in freedom with other people as well.
If you are struggling with fear and guilt, let me recommend three things.
First, don’t become fearful or guilty about struggling with fear and guilt. Just recognize the fear and the guilt.
Second, let Jesus know that you want to be led by Him instead. Just tell Him. And keep telling Him.
Finally, trust that Jesus will lead you. Over the course of the next couple years, as you learn to live in recognition of your fear and guilt, and as you learn to trust that Jesus is leading you to where He wants, you will look back over your life and see how much more liberated and free you have become. You will be shocked at how much more forgiven, loved, and accepted you feel.
Do you struggle with fear and guilt? Do you even know that you struggle with it? Do you use it to control others? What sort of strategies have you found helpful in seeking to liberate yourself and others from fear and guilt? Please share below!
Great article. Its like a perpetual motion machine.
It is a bit like that, isn’t it? It just cycles around and around, feeding on itself.
Unfortunately the father of lies uses the lie of fear and guilt in the lives of many Christians to drag them down despite the word which says we have not been given a spirit of fear, but of power, love and self-control. (John 8:44, 2 Tim. 1:7).
Hi Jeremy! Great post! I was just covering the subject of fear with the teen class at church last night. I asked them what they feared and of course I got the type of answers that you might expect: Spiders! Snakes! Roaches,ewww!
But i was able to draw their attention to some of the real emotional and spiritual fears that we have. The REAL fears that we ALL deal with and was able to describe to them some things in my own life as it pertains to an unhealthy “people pleasing” that is caused by none other than FEAR!
So this post has been timely! thanks again!
Thanks, Will! I am glad that you are talking about these sorts of things with teens! They have many fears to face.
Both fear and guilt can be bad or good. If it leads us to repentance, confession, and into the arms of Jesus I would say that’s good but if you cant bring yourself to get over your fear phobia’s and the guilt trips that would be not good but bad. The missionaries did no wrong to show why even they are putting all their lives into what’s a desperate situation in the mission field. If their mission field is easy then I would be less willing to give to that ministry.
You raise good points. Guilt does lead us to confession and repentance which is holy, and fear has kept me out of many sins! (Thank God). So yes, the crushing burden of fear and guilt is mostly what I was talking about. I probably should have clarified that. Thank you for doing so!
Einstein said, “Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.”
Yep! That applies here too, I suppose.
I have had a similar thought for a while now. I’ve been seeing how so much of our praxis and way of life can be ordered in either a fear paradigm, or a Love paradigm. One brings death, the other Life. Fear, really, is the un-reality of the lie existence. It has no substance of its own. It only has power to the extent it is believed. It is the wrong tree, the false self, and the satan. Love is the antidote. Where there is Love, there is no fear.
Love you, brother!
Brandon,
I just finished the second interview you had with Jamal. Fantastic stuff, my friend! I will try to write a post next week recommending people subscribe to your new podcast. Keep it coming!
Thank you!! That is very kind, and generous. So glad you enjoyed the podcasts.
That “church-missionary relationship” is a direct consequence of churches no longer being willing to accept that a missionary can spend twenty years in the field, and only make one convert. It is churches that point blank refuse to accept that the most effective way of converting people, is by studying the Bible with them, weekly, for decades. It is the disbelief of churches stateside, that the convert has gone through the entire Bible two or three times with the missionary, prior to deciding to accept Christ.
I’ve seen mission boards fire the missionary, because their monthly report was:
* Monday: Bible study with x,y, z. Z pointed out that Jonah must have been dead, and asked if that was a pointer towards Christ spending Three days in Hell;
* Tuesday: Bible study with a, b, c. B was asking why Pilate had to go along with the crowd’s wishes, even though he thought Jesus was not worthy of being crucified;
* Wednesday: Bible study with g, h, i. H is wondering how the Flood story can possibly be true. G retold the local version of the flood story, and is convinced that Noah got the details wrong.
* Thursday: Bible study with m, n, o. These people can’t read, so I’m having to read the passage first, and then explain it;
* Friday: Bible study with r, s, t. These are women. My heart goes out to them, becuase of their financial problems. I ended up praying with them, and their specific circumstances;
* Saturday: This is my day of rest.
* Sunday morning worship: Thirty people attended. They said my sermon was too short, becuase it was 60 minutes long;
With notes along those lines for the rest of the month, and a monthly report like that for nine or ten months, with the major change being the names of the people in those Bible study meetings.
The missionary gets excited when somebody starts seriously talking about making a decision for Christ. This gets exaggerated in the report back home. The potential convert sees something good happen, and its gets attributed to God. More cause for excitement. Another positive message back home. Without intentionally doing so, the missionary has raised the apparent “holiness level” of the people s/he is reaching.
Which is not to say that some missionaries outright fabricate stories for the home church. (FWIW, I consider most stories about Christianity coming out of India, or easward to the South China Sea, to be partially, or completely fabricated, to gain more financial support from the United States.)
Very true point. We want results, and we want them fast, and we want them plentiful!
I would wonder whether the degree to which we allow these attitudes to seep into our gatherings actually reflects that we may have possibly bought into a gospel other than the good news of Jesus Christ. I don’t mean this in a doctrinal way. I’m sure that most of us can rattle off a correct answer to explain the work that Jesus has done for us on the cross. The question remains, that if we are living in a culture of fear and guilt, especially relationally, are we actually living out the gospel?
This fear and guilt has a tendency of building shallow relationships within the body because we are only allowed to present this shell of some fake holy person when we come into fellowship. When we do this we cut ourselves off from one of the tools that God has given us to mature and be victorious over the struggles that we encounter. The community of believers that we find ourselves in has been given to us to help us grow… to bear one another’s burdens. If we find ourselves having to lie about being burdened by things, we no longer have that opporunity.
Right! I am becoming more and more convinced recently that the gospel we live out is not an accurate reflection of the gospel as it truly is.
I agree on some things you said but wonder what your definition of love is. For me, watching people get away with all kinds of horribly abusive things and not speaking against it and stopping it…is not love. For example, I’ve known children that were molested by their dads or stepdads or uncles or moms boyfriends and the mom knew it was happening and never did anything to stop it. To me, the mom hates her daughter if she can sit back and let the abuse continue.
One more short comment. We live in a day, society, cultural and political setting that PROMOTES, I believe anyway, fear and guilt. That’s one of the main ways that we can “keep the people in check”. I mean if we don’t CONTROL the people through fear and guilt and shame, then we just might lose control of the whole country! Now people may not come right out and say it that way, but it is obvious to me that this is true to some extent.
Now figure this mentality into the generations of church goers that grow up with this sort of ideology and can we even begin to wonder why fear and guilt and shame seems to rule the church going world? Only Christ can set us free, but I fear (see what I’m saying? lol) that we are not hearing that from the pulpits today. More likely we hear a whole lot of “keeping people in line” preaching with a little bit of Jesus will save you and make you fit for heaven at the very end.
Yep. I often hear Wayne Jacobsen talk about “cash, credit, and control” as the three defining characteristics of religion. We know we have landed in “religion” when we start demanding people give more, when we start caring about who gets credit, and when we try to exert control over other people.
For me, “lightening up” as a christian eventually led me out of the church. I could not handle the guilt, fear, and hypocrisy (in myself) anymore. I know all the clichés, I know all the church lingo, I know what the Bible says. I felt like, much like those missionaries, that I always had to be on point, put on a face, and pretend in church. For me leaving (and no I didn’t start a commune) was a blessing. At first you are sad because all the people you know, and you feel guilty wondering if your cheese is falling off the cracker, but eventually you learn that the people you thought were your friends were pretending in church too. You never hear from them again. The truth is we have a few close friends. I don’t care how beautiful the picture is painted in church. We only have capacity for a few close friends. Some of us need to give up the fear of not being liked and admired by everyone it is just not realistic. I invest my time now in solidifying the relationships already in my life and spend a lot of time letting go of idealistic fantasies.
Yes! This is great. Trying to match up to others or follow their expectations is a recipe for disaster. Building friendship with the few people God has brought into our life is the best way to live (and how Jesus Himself did it).
Hey Jimmy:
Fascinating comment you made. You were just fed the wrong doctrine and practice of the Word of God. Bet most of the teachings you heard were from the 4 gospels. And all the teachings pointed toward how broken or sinful you are, or some kind of shortcoming you have. Am I right?
Was there anytime you were told by the pastor you were living the truth and beautiful in God’s sight? How proud God is that you’re His son? To think on the good things of life? Bet you didn’t.
Read the Epistle of Ephesians in the KJV. Look at it carefully. Work the details. Tell me if you’ve ever heard something like that taught in a church.
The churches have it all wrong, and are hurting their people big time. That’s why they’re unhappy, leave, church hop, or just give up altogether. I don’t blame you. You’re better off just finding faithful people that love God to hang with.
Love ya and hang in there!
Rev. J. Smith
Boy, if you went to see so many people motivated by fear and guilt, look at the Mormons. I come from a Mormon background and I know what it is like to live in the fear and guilt that I am not doing enough for the Lord?
So, my wife and I decided to turn our lives over to Jesus. Instead of the prophet. It is a scary ride. But we would not turn back the the way we were. It is a matter of who do you trust? Our Lord has planned a course of life for us. We are finally realizing there is salvation in this life as well as the next.
I personally feel I can take anything to the Almighty. Even if I am throwing big fit.
I just let go of being religious all together. It’s decisive, unnecessary, confusing, and rediculous. I’m just a human being, alive by virtue of the Spirit of God inside me. No need to label or define myself according to any religion. No need to take Pascal’s wager. I’m much more at peace having faith in virtue, believing in myself and the goodness of mankind and simply trusting the Spirit of God to guide my life. This is what people did more than 2000 thousand years ago.
How can one NOT be fearful! If one doesnt “follow” Christ are not they doomed to eternal damnation according to Christianity? You didnt mention the fear of eternal damnation as the reason why people are christian. What a terrifying and misguided prospect. Eternal torture. I submit Christianity has misrepresented the true Christ since the early days, solely as a means of control and that Christ isnt who mainstream christianity purports him to be.
I 100% agree. The fear of hell and eternal torment (which is not taught in Scripture, and which Jesus Himself never uses as a tool to get people to obey) is a means of control that many in Christianity use. I am writing a book right now which shows that hell (as it is commonly taught) is not a biblical doctrine.
Jesus preached fear and guilt in the Bible fear not man who kill the body but fear God who kills body and soul in hell if they right hand offend thee cut it off etc etc fear and guilt is at the heart of Jesus and this religion so to seek Jesus for freedom from it is illogical and this is why there is no unconditional love serve me or burn that’s not real love and the pshycological emotional relational and spiritual effect this has on people is appalling and most church folk are Pharisees and surprise there’s alot to do with money control manipulation legalistic unloving and illogical and the things Yahweh did in the old testament research your religion first and you realize that through study that the Bible is Roman and Greek mythology which centers on a caneinite deity who is obvisiouly malevolent egotistical and brutal and loves blood sacrifices
Jeremy, God bless you.
Just telling people to “follow Jesus” is too nebulous and vague. Believers need clear cut answers. Show them what the Word says. It’s clear. Here’s a few:
II Tim 1:7
For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.
Jeremiah 10:21
For the pastors are become brutish, and have not sought the LORD: therefore they shall not prosper, and all their flocks shall be scattered.
[this is why they bring fear and guilt – to control the faithful]
Hebrews 13:6
So that we may boldly say, The Lord is my helper, and I will not fear what man shall do unto me.
Love ya brother,
Rev. J. Smith
Jesus died. This 2019.
Your article was so good. It was refreshing to hear the real truth for a change. You dealt with the fear and guilt we have dealing with each other. I would like to hear your thoughts on fear and guilt in dealing with our own personal relationship with God. In the religion I was raised on, my siblings/classmates and I were instilled with guilt & fear of God on a regular basis (in addition to with each other). Unfortunately I still have that in me. It’s this constant underlying feeling that God/Jesus is not pleased and is even angry with me.
I have moments from time to time where I feel God is directing me, I follow and feel confirmation that I am in a good place. However, I haven’t been able to kick that underlying feeling. I think back on those positive situations to remind myself to fight this feeling. I know about grace and faith in my head but I guess it just hasn’t taken continual root in my heart.
I have lived this so called christian walk for 15 years before I couldn’t take it anymore. I felt like a failure and a phony. It’s not that I did anything really bad but I couldn’t live up to the image of a faithful, confident christian who had his act together. I did some soul searching and found my pastor’s sermons were the root cause of some of my problems. They were negative and loaded down with works and sin and maybe a little of hope/forgiveness if you were lucky on that day. I confronted my pastor about this and did a comparison with a noted and respected theologian on the same bible verses my pastor spoke on who did present hope and forgiveness. The meeting did not go well at all. I left the church and was excommunicated for criticizing and leaving without their permission. It was a unanimous vote. They actually turned me over to the devil for this. I was shunned and lost all my friends. Afterward I changed my outlook on life and became kind to myself. I was not so hard on myself when I failed and looked at life as a cup that’s half full instead of half empty. I was a much happier. I’m now going back into the church arena. I had quit the church for years because of my past experience. This time around I will be on the lookout to avoid those works orientated churches. I understand that faith without works is dead, so it seems that works must proceed from a thankful heart (maybe that’s the holy spirit at work) and not just doing my duty. Otherwise it’s a meat grinder for the soul. Guilt, fear and shame is all I got out of it the first time around. I hope this works out for me the second time. I will pray and ask God to help me
very good, passes the test of 1st corintians 13 with flying colors!
Why do pastors incessantly use the story of Jonah running from God to gaslight members into more service in the church under the guise of fulfilling God’s destiny in your life. I thought we were “called” to know God and to be in fell-
owship with Christ and love for each other over how much we can serve in the church? Most pastors and leaders in the church have never even taken the time to even get to know one another more than what you can do for them.
How are we suppose to know thats what is driving us to do things is fear and guilt? How can we know?