This guest post is by an anonymous person. Even though he is not ashamed of whom he is, he has chosen to remain anonymous to avoid embarrassing family members who are still evolving on these issues. This post was condensed from interviews with our anonymous poster.
This is part 2 of 4 blog posts. See Part 1 here: I am Queer, Part 3: Queer Christians, and Part 4: An Open Letter to Christians from a Queer.
Whether you agree or disagree with what he says, please be gracious in your comments below.
The people many of us have the most difficulty loving are the people who hate us. Please don’t make it difficult for me to love you because you hate me for who I am – for being queer.
Even if you disagree with who I am or what I believe, don’t hate me. I don’t hate you. We probably don’t agree on many things, but I don’t hate you because of that. We can disagree, but still love each other with the love of Jesus who lives in us.
Jesus loves all of us. That’s why he became one of us. If he loves us, and became one of us to show his great love for us, then is he not the one to tell us to love each other? Did he make a mistake when he told us that?
Are you young or old, fat or thin, Democrat or Republican? Are you for or against a certain issue? Are you rich or poor? Do you go to church or synagogue or nowhere? Are you straight or gay? Do you live in a big house or under a bush? Do you smoke marijuana? – Regardless of your answers to these questions, I can still love you because Jesus loves you.
If I hate you, how can Jesus and his love live in me? – I don’t think it can.
A friend told me he murdered someone when he was younger, for which he was sent to prison. Another cheated on his wife. Another divorced her husband because she got tired of him. Another divorced his wife so he could live with his boyfriend. Another abused his wife and she left him. Yet I hate none of these people, but love them, even though the stories I’ve described were choices they made.
Even if I think the Bible seems to condemn certain actions, I do not hate someone because they did those things. So how could I hate you for who you are? How could I hate you for how tall you are, the color of your skin, your age, your gender or for your sexual orientation?
I don’t hate you, no matter who you are or what you have done. Please don’t hate me either. Please don’t hate me for being queer.
Do you have questions for me? Do you want to hear more of my story? There will be two more posts this week in which I will share more about me, and if there is enough interest, we can do a Q&A in a future post.
Good ask IAQ and hope you are not hated due to these posts. Unless it gets physical, think I prefer the open hatred to an unspoken disregard that doesn’t think you’re worth talking to, at least you know where people stand. That probably sounds crazy, but when people in church or friends turned away I feel in limbo not knowing if it’s because I’m gay or because of some stupid thing I did that might have offended. I have lots of faults so when there’s distance think it may be because of something I said or did. Used to go to people and try to make things better between us, but came away feeling stupid because there would be a polite non-conversation rather than anything honest. It’s hard to get honesty. At least with hatred you get honest… people who hate me at least treat me like I’m there and worth dealing with. If it’s not something I did, I can over time maybe show that I’m not who they think I am that they hate so much. Some of my good friends now are people who used to hate me. It’s hard to get anywhere with those who turn away in judgment. I know your post was also calling for love and that would be great but find that needs to start with me when facing hatred.
I don’t hate anyone, and hope for the same in return, especially from Christians. Jesus said to love our neighbors, and he didn’t list any exceptions. Didn’t he say that was the second greatest commandment after loving God with all our hearts?
Have found that if you can stand in this world in the face of hate and not shrink back or hate back is stronger and better than the alternative. Sometimes it helps and changes the situation but even if it doesn’t, find it a better way to be. If I can do that without losing kindness even to those against, it’s enough.
Jesus said to love our enemies. I think that includes not hating back or even shrinking back. Like you, I try to be kind to and even love those who oppose us for reasons of their own, reasons which often are not about us, but all about them. We’re human, however, and sometimes it is tough to love those who hate us, regardless of the name they call it.
On September 9 Rachael Held Evans had a guest post on her blog titled “From The Wife of a Queer Man”. My wife didn’t write it and I’m not that man. Based on that post, my friend proposed that I tell a little of my story to a Christian audience and engage in a conversation with those who could do so kindly. That’s explains how these posts cam about.
I live with who I am every day. For some people reading this, it may be new and difficult to understand. In the two posts that follow this you will read about my frustration with churches and Christians. Most of the LGBTQs I know want nothing to do ever again with either churches or Christians, based on past interactions. Even if Christians disagree with us, it is possible to engage with at least some of us and be heard. However the old and usual methods of engagement almost never work.
My business occupies most of my time. I will not have time for lengthy back and forth discussions with most of you, but will try to respond to most comments at the end of the day or early the next day.
First of all, there are people who hate gays, but there are also people who hate blacks, whites, and many other races as well. But the difference with gays is that if you believe, as the Bible clearly states, that homosexuality is a sin, the gay political/social movement will brand you as a hater. But you are not branded as a hater because you actually hate gays, your are branded as a hater because you are intolerant and not accepting of the gay lifestyle because you believe it is a sin. And to most people in the gay community, and especially the political wing, intolerance equals one thing and one thing only – pure hate. That is the tactic of the gay political/social movement to intimidate people to accept their lifestyle. It has worked well, and will continue to work well because most Christians can’t defend the biblical stance against homosexuality and fear being called a hater.
Second, I do get a little upset when the gay movement pushes tolerance and acceptance of their lifestyle to my children in public schools. It makes me even more upset that many Christians are openly accepting a sinful lifestyle because because of their political correctness and incompetent apologetic skills.
If you chose the gay lifestyle, that’s your prerogative, but don’t brand people who believe homosexuality is a sin as haters. Obviously, if you are gay and profess to be a Christian then you must also brand the Apostle Paul as a hater. In fact, Paul says that gays are “unrighteous” and “deceived” and “will not inherit the kingdom of God.” If gay Christians are honest with themselves, then the Apostle Paul tops the hater chart.
9 Or do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived; neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor effeminate, nor homosexuals, 10 nor thieves, nor the covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor swindlers, will inherit the kingdom of God. 11 Such were some of you; but you were washed, but you were sanctified, but you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and in the Spirit of our God. 1 Corinthians 9
If you are truly accepting of Jesus as your savior, you can rest in what Paul also says in this passage: “Such WERE some of you; but you were washed, but you were sanctified, but
you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and in the Spirit of our God.”
Resist the temptation to lump every LGBTQ person together with whatever you consider “the gay political/social movement” to be. The LGBTQ community is very diverse and there is no more a “gay lifestyle” than there is a straight lifestyle. Whatever you think that term may mean, I did not choose it, and did not say I had. I did not say I chose anything other than Jesus.
The hating I am speaking of is one person hating another for who they are, not a political thing of one group branding another group. That would be a completely different discussion.
What I am saying about myself regards sexual identity, not behavior. A person could be straight and be a rapist, pedophile or spousal abuser. Their sexual identity is straight. The rest of that is their behavior. Whatever my sexual identity, that does not mean that I should be lumped together with everyone else who identifies similarly, either in terms of behavior, political views, political activism or relationship with Jesus.
I’m sensing from your writing that you’re somewhat conflicted regarding your sexuality. It seems that you are looking to find acceptance outside yourself to help you justify your sexual nature. You obviously believe you have no control whatsoever over your sexual nature and are looking for confirmation of that belief from the Christian community. You will find some in the Christian community who will validate your beliefs, but as long as you profess Jesus as your savior, you will never be able to stop the Holy Spirit from convicting you of the sin of homosexuality.
I come to this conclusion because you have yet to respond to the scripture references I have offered in my previous comments. I see that your are taking a philosophical approach to your sexuality rather than a biblical approach. This may well leave you feeling better about your beliefs, but it doesn’t change God’s words on the subject, nor will it stop the Holy Spirit’s conviction of sin.
Be comforted, you are not alone in your dilemma. The Apostle Paul admitted his struggled with sin, but he also gave sound Godly council regarding his and every other persons inevitable daily struggle with temptation and ultimately the sin it so often elicits from even sincere followers of Christ. Paul says it’s OK to not understand what you are doing or why you are doing do it, but to remember that although we all struggle with sin in our lives, we are forgiven in Christ. (Read all of Romans 7 & 8)
14 For we know that the Law is spiritual, but I am of flesh, sold into bondage to sin. 15 For what I am doing, I DO NOT UNDERSTAND; for I am not practicing what I would like to do, but I am doing the very thing I hate. 16 But if I do the very thing I do not want to do, I agree with the Law, confessing that the Law is good. 17 So now, no longer am I the one doing it, but sin which dwells in me. 18 For I know that nothing good dwells in me, that is, in my flesh; for the willing is present in me, but the doing of the good is not. 19 For the good that I want, I do not do, but I practice the very evil that I do not want. 20 But if I am doing the very thing I do not want, I am no longer the one doing it, but sin which dwells in me.
21 I find then the principle that evil is present in me, the one who wants to do good. 22 For I joyfully concur with the law of God in the inner man, 23 but I see a different law in the members of my body, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin which is in my members. 24 Wretched man that I am! Who will set me free from the body of this death? 25 Thanks be to God through Jesus Christ our Lord! So then, on the one hand I myself with my mind am serving the law of God, but on the other, with my flesh the law of sin. ROMANS 7
Yes, you, and every other human since the beginning of creation, is born with something that we have NO control over – a sinful nature. But Paul makes it perfectly clear that we can overcome that inherent sin nature through Christ.
So embrace your sexual nature for what it truly is – sin. Even if you don’t understand it. Seek council from God’s word, not from the words of man. And turn all your efforts and energy to seeking God’s kingdom; and then, and only then, will you find true contentment and everything will fall into place and have meaning and value in your life.
I’m not conflicted regarding my sexuality. I do not consider one’s sexual identity to be sin. What someone does with it (behavior) may be sin, and that applies to people of all sexual identities, including straight people.
Do you assume those who disagree with you hate you?
No. Disagreement does not equal hate. Hypothetically, you and I might radically disagree about politics, but that doesn’t equal hate. It would be hate when I curse you, call you names, try to get you fired from your job and spread lies about you because I disagree with your political opinions.
Vaughan Roberts shares his experience in the Christian community openly dealing with same-sex attraction. The site this short video is on is a great resource for Christians experiencing same-sex attraction. http://www.livingout.org/stories/vaughan
I promise to check out the link and may comment further after I do.
My wife and I have lots of LGBTQ (the acronym QUILTBAG might work better) friends and regularly spend time with them. People who aren’t part of that community probably aren’t tuned in to the things that people do and say to them. Sadly, it is often done in the name of religion.
That is rapidly changing. Many public opinion surveys show the youngest one third of our population has dramatically different attitudes about LGBTQs. The tide is turning and depending on the questions and how they’re asked, most public opinion surveys indicate that the consensus of the majority of the population is that LGBTQs should be viewed and treated equally by the our laws.
As with other past issues, such as racial discrimination, personal opinions and the way people personally treat someone tends to trail changes in the law, but that too is happening. Perhaps more slowly than LGBTQs would like, but it is happening, even among Christians. But as Christians we still have much room for improvement, be it how we treat LGBTQs, prostitutes, addicts and a long list of other people that we don’t like and think the Bible condemns.
If by grace we are forgiven and he who forgives tells us to love our neighbors, I don’t read that as an option. We may not agree with them and how they live, but it is entirely possible to love them. The challenge are those people with whom we disagree most. Those are the ones we need to especially try to love. Thank you for telling us a little about yourself and your friends IAQ.
In many ways the situation is improving, even among Christians. The reason I agreed to work with my friend on what you read here in these four posts is to ask those who claim the name Christian to love other people including LGBTQs. Some Christians seem to have extreme problems with what they think other people’s sins are. But Jesus didn’t say to love our neighbors except for those who ………….. He said to love our neighbors.
1 Corinthians 13. God is love. If we do not have love then we are nothing more than a clanging cymbal.
Verse 4 to 7 love is not judgemental. Only The Lord is allowed to judge. Why does it say that? because only the pure can judge, so all our judgements are flawed.
The Law, at it’s best, is a blunt instrument. Moses apparently was a murderer David also, as well as an adulterer. Jesus apparently broke the laws in relation to the sabbath on a regular basis. Do we not say the police need to follow the spirit of the law rather than the letter of the law. Romans 8 v 1 to 2
What about grace. What about forgiveness 70 times 7 each day. The law imprisons Grace sets free.
Paul in his letter to the Romans (which has been quoted) chapter 7 including chapter 8 reveals our wretchedness but gives us a way out. I’m glad that Jesus gives us the opportunities to stop abusing the temple of the Holy Spirit 70 times 7 each day. Those who say we are saved to the uttermost in Christ Jesus are correct, so there is no condemnation for those in Christ Jesus. We are All full of sin as our flesh is born onto it and until we are freed from the flesh there can be no health in us. Homosexual relationships are unnatural as is lying, envy, jealousy, anger, swearing, injustice, irritability, gluttony, drunkenness, rudeness, bullying, torture, theft, pride, foolishness, slander, self embellishment, ignoring the poor, destitute, widows, the lonely, thirsty, hungry and naked, servitude, slavery, low wages, exploitation, pornography, pollution of the atmosphere, drinking water, the oceans and land, greed, licentiousness, unprincipled actions etc. all these things separate us from the love of Christ and therefore stop us from being Christ like. Yet, His blood washes away all our unrighteousness so God sees us as clean. Does that mean we can keep on sinning with impunity? no, because he has given us a way out. Jesus said “I Am The Way The Truth and The Life no one can come to the father except through me. The Spirit continually convicts us of sin but does not condemn us. Our part is to leave our sin behind so it can be nailed to that Cross where it belongs. yes we will go on sinning but by the grace of God if we really love Jesus it will become less.
This has been the case for me I do continue to sin but I know it’s getting less. I’m 72 in July I wonder if I will be sinless before I shrug off this mortal coil. probably not. Will I hear “come into my rest you good and faithful servant” I hope so, because I’ll tell you it’s only hope that keeps me going, hope that His forgiveness will be sufficient. Being of the Church of England persuasion we say the liturgy “Jesus gave us a full sufficient sacrifice for all our sins”.
Love the sinner hate the sin. So that puts us into loving absolutely everyone, as in reality we are all in the same leaking sinking boat and bailing out like mad, thats a real sense of community. Someone once told me that when we point the finger of accusation at someone there are three on our own hand pointing accusingly back at us. Judge not that thou also be judged.
Come unto me all that travail and are heavy laden, thats all of us as there is No One good enough that does not need Jesus. Love you all Clive.
Yes, the Spirit continually convicts us of our sin, but does not condemn us. And I often think that we Christians try to do the Holy Spirit’s job when we condemn others for their sin. Let us all back off and let the Holy Spirit do His job in others, just as He is working in our own lives to point out sin in us. Thanks, Clive!
Unfortunately, while some who profess faith in Christ, either demonstrate hypocrisy more than the Christ-life, that is not true for, I would bravely say, the majority of professing Christians.
Wrong attitudes against homosexuals may be from ignorance, prejudice, or the “dirty” feeling one may get being next to them (but such is not limited towards homosexuals), nevertheless, such attitudes in and of themselves do not necessarily mean there is no love or that person cannot learn to love others, anyone, different from themselves.
That is not to deny that some who profess faith in Christ have acted violently against homosexuals (or others for that matter). It does mean, we are fallen (and I don’t say that as an excuse for sinful,, unloving behavior).
However, the homosexual needs to realize that homosexuality is a sinful lifestyle and, for whatever reason, it is a matter of choice not genes; and to shamelessly admit engagement in the homosexual lifestyle while, simultaneously, professing to be a Christian, only demonstrates how far the conscience has been seared.
Like adultery or fornication, homosexuality is a sin that, if as one’s habitual lifestyle, excludes him from any genuine experience of Christ and his saving grace, despite protestations to the contrary.