I watched a debate last week between porn king Ron Jeremy, and porn pastor Craig Gross. Apparently, the two are traveling around to college campuses and debating the pros and cons of porn. I love what Craig is doing at XXX Church, and his book The Gutter is one of the better books I have ever read.
So I really hate to say that in my opinion, Craig lost the debate. There are multiple reasons why, which I won’t go into here. (This is NOT to say I am in favor of porn!)
But something was said during the debate which really got me thinking. One of Craig’s arguments was that porn is fantasy, and people who watch porn are bound to be disappointed by sex, since reality never matches fantasy. This is certainly true, and even Ron Jeremy didn’t deny that porn presents a fantasy.
But Ron’s rebuttal is what really made me think. Ron argued that we all live in a fantasy world. Everything we see on television is fantasy and does not match up with reality. Most of what we see and read in books and magazines is hyped-up, glossed-over, air-brushed fiction.
His argument was that if porn is wrong because porn is fantasy, then almost everything we read and watch and get involved in is wrong as well, because most of it is fantasy. Even the way most of us live our lives is fiction. We rarely let people see the inner hurt, pain, depression, frustration, fear, loneliness, and anger.
As my wife and I were talking about this, she made the observation that this fantasy-life fiction is magnified in most churches.
The Fantasy World of Church
We seem to think that since the Bible talks about peace that passes understanding, joy in the midst of trials, contentment in times of need, faith in the face of fear, and happy lives full of holy ambition, that if we don’t have these things, something is wrong with us.
And when we look around at others on Sunday morning, and sing the happy songs, and listen to the motivating sermon, we are tempted to think, “Everybody else seems to have what we are so loudly proclaiming. I better act like I do too, or they will think something is wrong with me.”
A pretty good case could be made that church fantasy is more damaging than porn fantasy.
The reason is that most people in most churches don’t know that everyone else is in just as much pain as they are. Most people wear painted smiles to church. The suits and skirts hide scars. And the pastor isn’t really that excited about God; he’s just high on caffeine (I’m speaking to myself there!).
Most people are afraid to be real and authentic at church because then people will think they’re unspiritual.
Many churches are bigger fantasy playgrounds than the porn industry.
Which is Worse?
So the question is this: Which is worse? Thinking that your spouse will never be satisfied with you in bed, OR thinking that God will never be satisfied with you in this life? The first is a result of looking at porn, the second is a result of attending some churches.
Future posts will look at some possible indications that you are attending a fantasy church (Worse than Porn Part 2, Worse than Porn Part 3, and what you can do about it.
we stopped going to church because of this.
what’s worse, is the shock of church people if you stop wearing the mask, if you say things are not okay.
we know jesus, but our lives are a mess. they take it as an afront and attack. it hurts.
“Anon,”
I really am sorry that happened and I know it hurts. Though many would disagree with me, I am convinced that you are better off not going to such a church.
The sad thing is that I think the lives of most church-goers are messy too, but they are afraid of anybody finding out. You had the courage to open up and let people see in. I am sorry it backfired on you.
Of course, the ideal situation would be for you to find a group of people who can be authentic and honest with each other, while accepting you as you are and coming alongside you as you struggle through life together. There are gatherings of believers out there like this.
Feel free to e-mail or call me any time.
jmyers AT tillhecomes.org
972-659-9302 (until mid May or so)
Jeremy, I’d disagree on this. Knowing quite a bit about this area, I’d say that Ron and Craig are both wrong when it comes to “fantasy.” First of all, Ron’s statement that “we all live in a fantasy world” would mean that we cannot distinguish reality from fantasy and unable to distinguish right from wrong. No we don’t all live in a fantasy world. Craig misunderstands the deceptive nature of porn by labeling it “fantasy.” What goes on in porn is very real, even thought the plot/storyline/scenario may be on the fantasy side. Make no mistake that when 4 men are penetrating a woman, it is actually happening. Unlike in movies or theater, when I see violence or sex, I know that it is staged. In movies/games/fiction, nobody really dies or really is having sex (in spite of how real it appears) – a mature mind can make that distinction. While I cannot say the same of porn which depicts a real act in a perverted way, namely a fantasy storyline/plot. Church fantasy cannot be equated with the fear of being real – the same fear exist in the workplace and elsewhere yet I don’t call my job a fantasy playground because more than 1/2 of my co-workers are afraid to be real. Mainly, the aim of porn is to exploit sexuality for monetary gain. Churches don’t exist mainly to exploit people though they can and sadly often do because human nature gets in the way. But the aim of Church is quite different from that of porn. And I find it ridiculous to even compare the two.
Yuri,
You make good points about the distinction. You are right that porn exists solely to exploit, where as church does not. Some churches do exploit, but that is not their primary reason for existence.
Wouldn’t you agree, however, that there is a “church fantasy world” that some people live in?
You really are not a big fan of churches, are you Jeremy. !!! I suppose it’s like a lot of things in life. Depends on how involved you are. And if your involved for the right reasons. So much ego and power play goes on in all aspects of life. In church and outta church. Personalitys play a huge role in everything. What’s the eptomolgy of that word personality? Is it person—and ality alluding to that person’s reality or that person’s modality. We are all just so damn unique it, s a wonder any of us get along together at all. It, s a miracle in itself we do. Lol Honestly!
Interesting conceptual way at looking at this subject here. Makes me wonder if anything is actually really fantasy at all. The world I,m in is very real. Its also very created. And is also very variable. The spectrum of experience is very broad. Very broad! Embrace it. We only come by this way once. At least as far as we know. I, m really appreciating our good friend socrates words of wisdom.” True knowledge exists only when you know nothing”. Similar perhaps to loosing one, s life to gain life maybe? Was a nice chap that socrates bloke. Had a wife that tested him to the limit. Lol. Good coupling! Equally yolked through diversity. Bet ya he really loved her though. C,est la vie!