A reader recently sent in this question:
What is a prayer?
Now that is a concise question! Ha! Of course, it cannot be answered so concisely…but I will try.
What is prayer?
We can always begin by defining prayer according to the standard English, Greek, and Hebrew dictionaries, but I think that the person who asks “What is prayer?” is not so much looking for the dictionary definition of prayer, but rather, how to pray, and how to see answers to prayer.
So in trying to answer the question, “What is prayer?” I think the simplest and most practical answer is best.
You see, most people learn about prayer by listening to others pray, and this often leads to some very bad prayer habits and practices. Most people, when they pray, seem to think that prayer requires a spiritual tone of voice, a new set of words, a sing-songy cadence and rhythm, and maybe even the repetition of certain words or phrases.
So it is not uncommon to hear people pray this way::
Father God in heaven, holy art thou above all things, and thy name, Father God, is worthy to be praised, Father God. Hallelujah! Praise Jeeeezus! Can I hear an Amen?
Oh, Father God, Lord God, Holy Jesus, we come before you today, as your children, Father God, to beseech you with our many needs, Father God. But before we do so, oh Holy Father in Heaven, we ask thee to forgive us for our many sins. We have failed thee in so many ways, Father God, so that as the prophet Isaiah says, all our righteous works are as filthy rags before thee, Father God! And so we thank thee for sending thy holy Son, Jesus Christ, the Lord of the universe and the master of all, the Lamb who was slain before the foundation of the world, to die for our sins on that wretched cross, oh holy Father God, – Hallalejujah! – praise Jesus – so that we might be forgiven of our many trespasses against you, Father God…
And the prayer goes on this way for many minutes. What is prayer? Not this. The person doing the praying will often work himself up into a bit of a frenzy, until he is shouting and shaking, and people who are listening are nodding their heads, shouting “AMEN!” “HALLELUJAH!” “PRAISE JESUS!” and so on.
This may not be your practice in praying, but it is a common practice and illustrates that when it comes to the question of “What is prayer?” we often learn what prayer is not by thinking about prayer or learning from Scripture what prayer is, but rather learning by watching and listening to others pray, and frankly, we learn some very bad practices this way.
Even if you do not pray the way I have written above, listen to yourself pray sometime, and ask yourself, “Where did I learn how to pray this way?” Why am I saying these certain words? Why am I changing my voice? Why am I bowing my head and folding my hands? Why am I closing my eyes? Why do I pray to Jesus, or to the Holy Spirit? Why do I repeat this certain phrase over and over, or use those certain words?
So when it comes to asking, “What is prayer?” I like to tell people that prayer is nothing more than talking to God as you would talk to a spouse or a friend. Of course, although I have said it is “nothing more” than that, prayer is certainly nothing less! Think about it! The fact that we can talk to God as a man would talk to a friend! There is no idea more shocking, more amazing!
People are often jealous that Moses spoke to God as a man speaks to a friend, but the fact of the matter is that Jesus has enabled all people to speak to God in this way! We do not need a priestly mediator, or special words, or a holy language, or a spiritual frenzy in order for God to pay attention to us. All of that is religious prayer, which is not the kind of prayer God wants.
I think sometimes God sighs at our religious prayers. He rolls his eyes as we go on and on and on.
He is always paying attention to us, and is with us throughout the day, going where we go, doing what we do, and hanging out with us as we eat, as we work, as we drive. This means that we can talk to him as a man speaks to a friend.
What is prayer? It is simply telling God what is going on and keeping him the in the loop on your life. Are you angry? Tell God. Are you sad? Let him know! Did you just sin? Yeah, he saw it, and he is not mad about it, but he does want to talk to you about it. Did you see something beautiful or experience something joyful? Thanks him! Are there needs and concerns? Ask him for advice or help.
What is prayer? It is simply talking to God in a normal way, just as we talk to anybody else.
What this means it that if you are asking “What is prayer?” you don’t really need to read books on prayer. You don’t need to be taught how to pray. You don’t need to attend prayer training seminars. You don’t need to learn a prayer language. You don’t need to memorize lots of Scripture in order to pray. If you know how to talk, you can pray! Just imagine God sitting next to you, and talk to him as you would talk to anyone else!
Do you want to pray like never before?
Do you what to talk to God like you talk to a friend? Do you want to see more answers to prayer?
If you have these (and other) questions about prayer, let me send you some teaching and instruction about prayer to your email inbox. You will receive one or two per week, absolutely free. Fill out the form below to get started.
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Alan Stevens says
This is an excellent article and a really hits the nail on the head. It is just about having an intimate and thankful, joy filled relationship with the most amazing father. Excellent post.
Jeremy Myers says
Thanks, Alan. Hope it inspired you to keep the lines of communication open with God!
hshuckhart says
You say, “[prayer] is simply telling God what is going on and keeping him the in the loop on your life.” Why would an all-knowing God, who watches you sleeping, eating, and going to the bathroom, need an “update” from you? Supposedly, he knew what you would do today, every second of today, from a time before time. Unless he is not as all-knowing as it is claimed. You can’t have it both ways. You can’t claim God is all-knowing and that God needs to be updated about events in your life.
Jeremy Myers says
I don’t actually believe in the sort of God you mention. I know some Christians do, and I am with you… I am not sure what inspires them to pray. Although, what they often say is, “Prayer doesn’t change God; prayer changes you.”
I believe that there are some things God does not do (cannot do!) unless we pray. I believe that just as I grow in my relationship with my wife and children as I talk to them, I grow in my relationship with God (and He with me) as we talk in prayer.
dr4kds says
Perhaps the “telling God what is going on and keeping him in the loop” is for our benefit and not His. We may know when our kids are sad, but there is benefit from them pouring their hearts out to us as parents. It opens communication. I don’t see, here, an attempt to “have it both ways”. I am not trying to be argumentative, but just wanted to forward an alternative viewpoint.
Jeremy Myers says
Yes, I definitely think there is an element of communication, openness, honesty, and relationship development in prayer. Thanks for weighing in!
Vince Latorre says
Great article, Jeremy, and badly needed. So many are intimidated when they are asked to pray because they think they don’t sound right, or they can’t say a prayer with all the “right” Christian expressions in them. I always tell people, “Just say what’s on your heart and mind, it doesn’t have to sound good or fit a certain mold.” Prayer should be personal conversation with God right from the heart, and so everyone’s prayer style can end up being as unique as their way of talking.
Jeremy Myers says
Vince,
That is great advice to give. There is no magic formula or secret words which must be said. Thanks for encouraging people to talk to God in that way.
WARD KELLY says
As a young Christian, I was exposed to people praying as you stated above, and worse…in King James english! I was intimidated, and as a result my prayer life suffered. When in church settings you will often find those who pray publicly in this way. Are these any different than those Jesus scolded who prayed on street corners to be seen? Are they not do this prayer performance for their own edification? As Jeremy stated, I pray to my heavenly Father in a conversational manner, unceasingly, throughout the day. Jesus is closer to me than anyone, he knows my actions, he knows me. I talk to him both verbally, and internally. I share with Him my deepest secrets, my doubts, my praises, and my failures. If I had to rely on a relationship with God by gathering with a group of self riteous public prayer performance artists, I would never speak to God. Thank God for the access He grants me to come directly to Him. Praise God!
Jeremy Myers says
Ward,
I am so glad you found the freedom to pray to God as a friend and a Father. That is what He wants, and it is so much more liberating, freeing, and loving, right? I so which certain churches and pastors wouldn’t put these roadblocks and speed bumps in people’s way of approaching God. But then, I guess that is one way they make us dependent upon them.
Nelson Banuchi says
We need to be careful that we do not judge others negatively without Biblical warrant merely on the basis of their outward acts. But, unfortunately, making unwarranted judgements against the spiritual life of other Christians is what results when we look at the outside of how, for example, a person worships God or, in this case, how we see others praying rather then letting God judge the intentions of their heart. This may be a failure to heed the admonition about judging another man’s servant (Romans 14:4).
Yes, the way another prays may be obnoxious, but that doesn’t mean his heart is obnoxious to God.
And why blame others for our own failings when ultimately the blame falls on us? Yes, others do influence us, but if we have access to God in Christ, as we all claim to have, we should’ve been more attune to how the Spirit is moving our own selves to pray. There is nothing wrong with praying by reading a prayer or even praying in the King James language! It is not a sin. And we all grow in our prayer life from infancy to maturity as we grow in the Lord.
Yes, we can be glad that one has gained freedom in his prayer life; but it should not be at the expense of judging others without Biblical warrant.
Susanne Schuberth (Germany) says
This article was God-breathed, Jeremy. Completely!
Jeremy Myers says
Thanks, Susanne. I am so glad you found it helpful.
Nomsa says
This article has helped me a lot! Thanks jeremy!
Jeremy Myers says
You are welcome, Nomsa!
Jaws says
What about Germaine Copland Prayer Book
Prayers That Avail Much
Scott Moultrie says
I agree with you Jeremy Myers, but why we put up with those teachers who are making matters more complicated and are masked in the grarb of spiritual spets? For instance, like those who promote the “courts of heaven theology” that is so rampant these days. I confronted this in a Facebook group I belong to, they didn’t even engage my concerns and just kick me out and blocked me out of the group. I was respectful in my inquiry.
Jeremy Myers says
I think the teachers present themselves as super spiritual, and since everybody wants to be super spiritual, they figure that they need to listen to these teachers.
Eventually, hopefully, people’s eyes are opened and they realize they can just talk to God.
Scott Moultrie says
Jeremy Myers, you are correct, it seems that the more complicated they make it the further it is from simplicity of Christ,…. the more people want to come under it.
Aletta Rutherford says
I have found in my church people dont like to be questioned even when done in the most respectful way. What we have seen is leaders speaking and followers nodding and saying amen and nobody questions. Even in cell groups this format happened. The questioning ones like my hubby and I were frowned upon and worked out of the group.
Reginald Gabel says
Amen brother… just like Adam and God talked in the garden…
Jeremy Myers says
That’s Right!
Aletta Rutherford says
Prayer is most natural when it comes from the heart and I dont like to repeat God’s name all the time in prayer as we have to use His name respectfully and I am not comfortable with in my viewpoint a senseless repetition of His Holy Name.
Jeremy Myers says
Right. Natural. Just like talking to a good friend.
Larry Sifford says
I teach weekly at our Gathering but I have never wanted to be perceived “super spiritual”…In fact I would fear God if that arrogance reigned in my spirit…I just let God have control but “tongues” have never spoken. GOD IS NOT the author of confusion.
Jeremy Myers says
Excellent! May your tribe increase.
Nelson Banuchi says
I’m a bit disappointed in you, Jeremy (or is it pastor Jeremy; I’m from NY and was in the USMC so I’ve grown up with the habit of showing deference to leaders and pastors by placing their title before their first or last name), that you would, so it seems, agree with what appears to be Larry’s rejection of tongues as a viable gift of the Spirit, and especially with taking a verse and removing it from it’s clearly intended meaning.
Please, Larry and Jeremy, correct me if I am reading your comments wrong. Thanks!
Larry Sifford says
May His tribe increase…
Nelson Banuchi says
Yes, some folks have weird (to us) ways of praying, some too formal, others to0 lighthearted. But, I’m not sure it’s either the “Holy Father, Most Gracious Omnipotent God whom I serve” or, “Wazzup, God. I’m here. You there?” that’s the problem so much as the attitude of the heart. I wouldn’t necessarily take what one says or how they say as an indication of whether or not they are genuinely praying nor would I necessarily criticize the form one takes in their prayers.
Although, I understand what you are saying and do not necessarily disagree. Just remember, one can be too formal and demonstrate a real distance between himself and God, and another can be too lighthearted and invade God’s space, so to speak; both, nevertheless, disrespect God by such attitudes in prayer.
Here’s my unscholarly take on prayer (included with fasting) if that’s okay for me to place it here: https://atdcross.blogspot.com/2015/09/prayer-with-fasting.html
Ntandokamdali says
I’m in verge l need prayers. It seems like God is not listening to my humble cry and has left me to suffer greatly. I’m despondent crushed suicidal so so discouraged yet I know He exists but He just doesn’t talk to me not even by dreams nothing it’s so quiet and its deafening. I’m cast down hurting terrible. It’s been a years yet things don’t change. Please help me Pastor