I sometimes cry at the search terms people use to find my blog.
They remind me that there is so much pain and loneliness in the world.
I use Google Analytics and Google Webmaster Tools to learn a few things about the people who visit my blog and how they find me, and sometimes, my heart breaks at what I see.
Today, I saw that someone visited my site by searching for the term
Should a man call his wife a fool?
I do not know whether this was a man or a woman searching for this, but I suspect that it was a woman who is feeling hurt and betrayed after her husband called her a fool. Most tragically of all, the day I saw this was February 15, the day after Valentine’s Day.
On a day when a wife should be reminded how precious and lovely she is, here is a woman who apparently was told she was foolish. And apparently, this sort of treatment is so commonplace, she is wondering if maybe it is okay.
So she searches online for whether or not it is okay for her husband to call her a fool.
She found this page: Call Someone a fool and go to hell. Sadly, I went and read that post, and am not sure she found it so helpful. I should rework it to be more encouraging…
As I wrote this post, I went and watched the search terms roll through the real time reporting screen of Google Analytics. Over the course of twenty minutes, I saw these search terms come across my screen:
If I commit suicide will I go to hell?
The person landed on this page: Suicide is not the Unforgivable Sin. I really hope that person found some encouragement and love in that post to give them the desire to keep on living.
Can I be forgiven if I commit adultery?
The person who searched for this landed here: Is Adultery the Unforgivable Sin? I went and read it again and asked myself…. did that post encourage the person to stay faithful to his or her spouse? I hope so. Of course, if they have already committed adultery, it tells them that they are forgiven by God. But at the same time, I don’t want to encourage people to commit adultery. Did I say enough about the damaging consequences of adultery while still emphasizing God’s grace, love, and forgiveness?
You are probably seeing a pattern here on various sins. As I was writing the previous paragraph, I switched over to Google Analytics, and saw this search term pop up:
Is abortion forgivable?
The person who searched for that landed on this page: Is Abortion the Unforgivable Sin? Reading over that post, I think the woman searching for this was probably not helped so much. I say that abortion is forgivable, but I spend too much time on how horrible the sin of abortion is. That may not be as loving as I would want…
If that woman was sitting at my kitchen table with my wife and I, and asked that same question, I imagine there would be lots of tears and hugs, and not much else. That is what she needs, not a theology lesson on the forgivability of murder…
One search term I have seen a lot of recently is this:
Am I possessed by a demon?
or
Is my _______ [wife, husband, child, mother] demon possessed?
People who search for those terms end up here: Signs of Demon Possession. Do you know the personal and relational anguish someone must be going through to search for that? It breaks my heart.
That is why for me, blogging is pastoral work. Through my blog, I hope to help people all around the world understand how much God loves them, that they are forgiven, that He cares, that He is with them, that they are not alone. I hope people are freed from the bondage, delivered from captivity, and set free from the dark chains of sin.
As I write, I often pray for the people who will read the posts. As I watch these search terms come across my screen, and the tears roll down my cheeks, I pray for the people who are searching for truth, love, hope, and forgiveness, and I pray that they will find such things in Jesus.
And for you who are reading this, I thank God for you as well. Thank you for reading this blog. Thank you for sharing it with others on Facebook, Twitter, Google, and by email. Thank you for interacting with each other in the comments. Thank you for being gracious, loving, and kind. Together, we have a little online community here that is helping tens of thousands of people around the world every single month.
I am thankful for you that you care enough to post the truth and answer those that make comments. May God richly bless you and yours. Know your labor of love is not forgotten. Thanks for putting up with us when we don’t get it.
I love every reader and commenter. We are a bit of an online community. I often learn from those who leave comments and ask questions as well! So thanks for reading.
I wouldn’t have found your amazing blog if it wasn’t for searching, “God Chaos” on Google. One of the best searches I ever made.
Thanks Adnama,
I am really struggling with that series of posts on the violence of God, Jesus, and Chaos theory. You found it helpful? I am thinking of cancelling the whole project (because I’m stuck).
Those search terms are heart-rending. Yes, “there is so much pain and loneliness in the world”. More church buildings, more Bible studies, more correct thinking and more correct theology will do very little about that. Loving people with the love of Jesus, building personal (in-person) relationships with them and helping them in practical ways will accomplish so much more.
Considering how what we write will be understood by hurting souls should be our first priority in all we write. Those who comment sometimes forget that point. I know some of those hurting souls who tell me what they’ve read in Christian books and blogs that has made them turn their backs on God and church. Get this: It is rarely the posts that do this. It’s the pounding, unloving, argumentative, even hateful comments from supposed Christians. Triple underline the word unloving.
Jesus told us to love God with all of our being and our neighbors as ourselves. What could be more plainly stated? Almost everything else is between my neighbor and God, not between them and me. I know that idea is most uncommon among Christians.
You are right, Sam. There are plenty of hurtful and hateful blogs out there as well. It so sad that those who claim to follow Jesus can behave in ways that look absolutely nothing like Him.
I think I told you this before Jeremy, but I found you by searching for “top Christian blogs”. I went down the list of the blogs with the most hits examining each site and found little of interest. When I came upon your site and began to read I knew I had found something special.
You have a curious mind, and question dogma from all areas of Christian teaching…I love that! Your articles, posts, and books have affirmed some of the feelings I’ve had for years about the church, and I thought I was alone in those thoughts. Other areas of your teachings have been illuminating if not epiphanies for me.
On a less than exuberant note, I no longer feel comfortable in the mega-church environment and cannot find the type of home church family I would love to experience. I have put my wife’s needs ahead of my own and attend a local mega-church for her benefit.
God bless you!
Ward,
Thank you for the very kind comment. I am glad that some of what I am writing matches up with what you are thinking. I think this shows that the Spirit of God is at work in the hearts and minds of people all around the world to teach us similar things.
Of course, I am certain there have been (or will be) things I write about with which you disagree. That’s okay too!
Thank you for being such an important part of the online community here.
I am glad that you are ministering to your wife in the way that you are. That is a wonderful act of service. God bless you too!
Hello, Jeremy.
It’s been four years since Adnama Latniuq wrote you in regards to this article.
Since then, she had aborted our child, cheated on me, left me to live with her boss for six months, then came back.
To address this article? No. It’s not forgivable. Not on the perpetrator’s end or myself for allowing it to happen. This is why.
Actions cannot be undone. No amount of tears, no amount of prayer, no amount of REDEMPTION can undo the action, hurt, and lasting impact of losing faith, trust, or hope. Even if you wish and 100% mean it when you say you’d go back and actively act to undo your share of hurt. You’re left alone in your most private of moments with these thoughts and memories that will never go away. For some of us? When the prayer and the embodied sincerity of your repentance manifests into wasted tears watering the barren, infertile soil of your carpet amounts to nothing? Well… We take the next step.
We go out, blow our last check on a nice dinner, a night out with your immediate friends, and a delicious bottle of the strongest ale to numb yourself for what’s to come…
You see, Jeremy, as much as I loved this person? It wasn’t her doing these things that lead to my decision. It was two things: Trying to move on, but being haunted by your memories, and missing the child you were excited to see and will -NEVER- meet. The only way to remove these memories was to permanently remove myself from the equation.
… Almost 2 years later, you’re left with a scar as a physical reminder of the impact that the person and those memories had on your life every time you look in the mirror.
So, no. No. It’s not forgivable, Jeremy. When the cost of the action exceeds any hope of repair, it’s unforgivable: the damage is lasting and eternal.
As for demon possession? I get called a lot of things these days. Unhuman being the most common of them all, if not “creepy” or “unhinged”… These things do not bother me as I’ve learned to view them as names for the phrase: “I don’t understand”.
You see, Jeremy, before there was religion, before there were demons, there was man: The fabricator of demons and monsters churned from the dark machinations of the mind and imagination. For some of us? We’re not possessed by the demons people fear within themselves.
For some of us? Once prayer, redemption, and hope has failed? You stop fighting your inner demons when you realize you’re all on the same side now.
You may say a prayer, you may even shed a tear for me. Waste neither. I’ve cried and prayed harder in that time of my life than you could possibly imagine. It did me no good. It will do you no good either.
TLDR: Yes. These things are unforgivable. No, there is no “demon possession”, just the unleashing and embodiment of your own demons.
God will not hear you. God will not wipe away your tears.
God will not save you. God does not care.
I’ve just had enough, Jeremy. That’s all.
I entered a place you would call “Hell” a confused man. I found my way out being who I am now. Maybe that was an echo of the man I used to be…
I can safely say that, beyond a shadow of a doubt, I fear neither your God, your Satan, your Hell, or death itself.
I hope whatever the fuck I endured for whatever reason offered you some important insight.
Though it’s not the end of the world, it sure as he’ll cost me mine.
At least I ain’t in North Korea, amirite? Haha