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Hell on Earth

By Sam Riviera
10 Comments

Hell on Earth

Sam Riviera is a frequent and popular contributor to this blog. Many of his posts on loving your neighbors and ministering to the homeless are consistently among the most popular articles on this blog.

Based on his many years of friendship with lots of homeless people in San Diego, Sam Riviera has learned the stories of several of them, and, with their permission, is writing their stories in the form of letters to their dads. These are the letters that they might have written to their dads. Since it has been a while since Sam wrote one of these letters, you will want to go read the explanation about these letters here, and especially read the First Letter to Dad: Killing Me Softely, as the letter below follows on the events from that previous letter.

homeless teenager

Dad,

It’s been over a year now. I’m still alive. Sort of.

You have no idea what it’s been like for me the past year. You can’t even imagine it. This isn’t rural Georgia, the town where you and I were born. This is the United States of America, land of the sick and twisted. I know ‘em. You’ve never made their acquaintance. Pray you never do.

Hell. They talked about it in church. Where I am isn’t a lake of fire, but it might as well be. Hell can’t be much worse than this. Maybe this is really hell and the lake of fire thing with devils and pitchforks was invented by Dante and Hollywood.

I’m not sure why I’m writing you. I guess I want mom to know I’m alive, but will you tell her? I’d tell her myself after you’re dead and buried, but I doubt I’ll be alive by then. Get on your computer and look up the average life expectancy for a homeless teenager who is a drug addict who is regularly raped by dirty old men.

I’ve got a death sentence. You were the judge that handed it down. You convicted me without a trial, with no evidence. Even if what you were told was true, so what? I’m your son. I know you’re more concerned about what people think than you are about your own flesh and blood. I might as well have terminal cancer. At least then I might be able to get treatment. As it is, I have no hope.

Hard to imagine, but Jesus is here with me right in the middle of all this crap. I was hoping he’d rescue me somehow, but it’s not happened. Maybe it’s drug-induced hallucinations, but I don’t hallucinate about anything else. I see him walking the streets, and he sits and talks with me. The other guys say it’s just some guy, but I see something different. I know what I’m seeing. He told me only small children and a few older people see him for who he really is, and most people don’t notice him at all.

I asked him if he hangs out in churches. He laughed. He said he does, but not many notice or recognize him. He said he spends most of his time where he’s wanted and needed. Not like me. I’m not wanted, needed, or loved anywhere. I’m just a user and mostly just used.

Remember those baby birds in the nest by our front door when I was little? We watched the mother bird build the nest, then looked in after she laid the eggs. The babies were about a week old. One day the mother bird disappeared and never came back. The babies were dead by the next morning. Abandoned and soon dead. That’s going to be me. Except I’m more like the baby the mom kicked out of the nest. Something must have been wrong with it. That’s what you thought about me. But nothing was wrong with me. You were wrong. But you still kicked me out and it’s too late for me to survive. I’m cold and sick, starving and afraid, and so lonely lying here in the filth waiting to die.

I’m still a teenager. I didn’t miss my childhood, but I will miss being an adult, all because of you. Can you live with that?

Jason

letter to dad from homeless teenager

God is Redeeming Life Bible & Theology Topics: homeless, Letters to Dad, lgbt, Sam Riviera

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Help! I’m Trapped!

By Sam Riviera
6 Comments

Help! I’m Trapped!

Below is the fourth letter in the series, “Letters To Dad.” They are written by Sam Riviera, and are based on the true stories of people he actually knows in real life.

trapped in sex slavery

Dad,

I’m stupid. I was so wrong. I thought you and your rules were stupid. That’s why I ran away. I thought I had everything all figured out and you were treating me like a baby with your rules. “Come straight home after school. We need to know where you are at all times. Don’t try any drugs even if the kids at school give them to you. That stuff will ruin your life. You can’t go to parties unless we know where you are and the parents are there. No parties with drugs or booze.”

The first few nights I stayed at a friend’s house. Her parents didn’t know I was there. She snuck me into her bedroom through the window and I left the same way the next morning. She said we couldn’t keep doing that.

I was hanging with some kids I didn’t know near a liquor store. This guy a little older than me bought me some snacks, then he took me to a movie. After the movie he asked where he could drop me off. I told him I didn’t care. He asked if I needed a place to stay and said I could stay at his sister’s.

She was real nice to me for a couple of days. Then she told me she couldn’t afford to let me live there forever. She said her friend could help me earn my way.

Her friend says he owns me. He says he owns all of the girls in our house. I don’t know exactly where the house is, but I’m pretty sure it’s somewhere in San Diego. When we leave, he puts us in the back of a van. We can’t see out. He drops us off and then picks us up later in the van and takes us back to the house.

When we get back to the house, he locks up our clothes so we won’t try to run away. Not that we have many clothes anyway. Only our working clothes.

This is going to make you so mad, but he’s got us hooked on this stuff. Honest. I didn’t know what it was. He said it would relax me. Now I really need it and he’s my only way to get it.

trapped in human trafficking

He makes LOTS of money off us, but we don’t get to keep it. He makes thousands every week. That’s how he can afford his car and jewelry. He doesn’t stay here. He probably has a nice house somewhere, not like the dump where he keeps us. He pays a woman who looks like a truck to guard us in case we get any ideas about running off naked.

We get fed, but have nothing. They took our ID, clothes and everything else we had. I was lucky to find the paper to write this. If I’m really lucky I’ll somehow find an envelope and a stamp. Maybe I can get a stamp from one of my customers and mail the letter.

Our guard buys the newspaper every day. If you can forgive me and still want me, put an ad in the lost and found pets section that says “Found. Blue eyed basset hound near the corner of” and list some street corner a couple of blocks north of El Cajon Blvd. about a mile east of the 805. My territory is not far from there. I’ll try to walk to the corner in the ad. If I don’t show between ten and midnight, try again until I show. It might take awhile for me to get a chance to make a run for it.

You won’t recognize me, but I’ll recognize you. Bring some of my clothes.

I heard there’s a drug rehab place near uncle Glenn’s. That would get me out of town. I can’t ever come back here. They might find me. If I can make it through rehab I’ll need to go somewhere else where they can’t find me.

I’ll find a way to pay you back for the rehab and the doctor. I need to be checked out. How could I be so stupid? I am so ashamed.

Lorene

God is Redeeming Life Bible & Theology Topics: human trafficking, Letters to Dad, prostitution, Sam Riviera, slavery

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He’s better off dead if he’s gay

By Jeremy Myers
66 Comments

He’s better off dead if he’s gay

Below is the fourth letter in the series, “Letters To Dad.” They are written by Sam Riviera, and are based on the true stories of people he actually knows in real life.

Dad,

You probably thought you’d never hear from me again. Well, it’s me. I’m alive.

But now I’m somewhere where you can never find me or hurt me.

LGBT Homeless TEenThere’s a public library near here where I can get on the internet. I check Facebook. Sometimes I see your posts. I read that you found out I’m gay. Did you really say “He’s better off dead if he’s gay”? What is that supposed to mean? Is that some kind of threat? To your own flesh and blood? You want me dead? Seriously?

I didn’t have a choice to be born. I didn’t get to choose who my dad is. I also didn’t get to choose that I’m gay. Regardless of what you think, I didn’t choose any of those things.

I wasn’t kidnapped. I had been planning my escape for a long time. I had to get away from you. Why? You scare me. Actually, you terrify me. I figured sooner or later you were going to find out I’m gay. I had to get as far away from you as possible before that happened.

Now that I see what you wrote on Facebook, I’m glad I ran.

I didn’t want you trying to beat demons out of me. That’s what you said. “If I ever find out any kid of mine is gay, I’ll beat those demons out of them if it kills them.” You said that.

Seriously? You think I have demons in me? Why are you such an angry person? You need help.

homeless gay teenWhere did you learn this stuff, anyway? From those homophobic guys you work with? You know that some of them are gay, don’t you? Seriously, dad. Some of them are gay. Don’t you know that? You have gay neighbors and gay relatives and gay coworkers. Which of them are you going to beat the demons out of? That could get you some serious jail time.

You said the Bible says gay people are abominations and should be stoned. Nice. Is that supposed to be Christian love? Where did you learn that? That is sick. And frightening.

Anyway, not that you care, but I’m surviving. For now. I’ve hooked up with some other kids in similar situations. About half my group is gay. Some got thrown out by their parents when they came out. The rest of us took off before our parents found out so we wouldn’t get the crap beat out of us.

We live outdoors most of the time. We steal to survive. We panhandle. Some of us sell drugs. Some of us sell sex. Don’t be surprised. Stealing, begging, addiction, dealing drugs, selling sex, and being homeless is our lifestyle … chosen for us by our parents … by dads like you.

Oh, and add dead to that list. Our lifestyle makes for a short lifespan. Suicide, overdosing, disease, getting stabbed, shot or beaten to death, or dying from exposure on cold nights is our lifestyle.

I’m not really mad at you. I’m seriously afraid of you. Thinking about you hurts. You are my dad for God’s sake. How can you be like that? How could you sentence me to a life like this? You’re the one who made that choice. You chose. I didn’t. You cut me off. You threatened my life. You’re responsible for me being on this earth. You brought me here. Now you want me dead?

One of my group read online that kids like us have a lifespan of four or five years at most. Maybe I’ll beat those odds. Maybe not.

Seriously, Shaun

Homeless LGBT Stats

God is Redeeming Life Bible & Theology Topics: gay, homosexual, Letters to Dad, lgbt, Sam Riviera

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So far, I’m not using drugs

By Sam Riviera
2 Comments

So far, I’m not using drugs

Below is the third letter in the series, “Letters To Dad.” They are written by Sam Riviera, and are based on the true stories of people he actually knows in real life.

homeless youth in the city

Dad,

At least that’s what I’ve called you the last few years. You’ll probably be the only person I’ll ever call dad, even though you were my foster dad. According to grandma, if my mom knows who my real dad is she’s never said. She probably doesn’t know. Grandma says mom was strung out most of the time around the time she got pregnant with me so who knows who my real dad is. I’ll probably never know.

Grandma says it’s a wonder I ain’t in prison or some institution. All the meth mom was using when she was pregnant with me shoulda fried my brain. Well, I didn’t do great in school and spent a lot of time in the counselors office, but I’ve managed to stay out of jail. So far…

You told me I could go live with grandma or some other relative. That isn’t happening. No one wants me or has space for me. Grandma thinks I should be able to find a job. I’ve tried, but they tell me I don’t have any experience and they’re looking for people with experience. How much experience do you need to wipe off tables and take out the garbage?

I think grandma’s afraid she’ll have to support me. She barely gets by on her Social Security check and her landlord is threatening to raise her rent. She says she can’t pay more and doesn’t know where she can find another place for what she can afford, so she can’t have another mouth to feed and a big guy like me must eat a lot.

There’s this place for homeless and runaway kids where I can get a hot meal every night. They have showers and used clothes and a few other things. I got a backpack and I’m hoping for a sleeping bag. There’s a place I sleep up under a freeway bridge behind some bushes. It keeps me dry when it rains.

sleeping homeless teen

I was trying to sleep on the street, but it’s too dangerous. I couldn’t find anyone to hang with and you can’t sleep on the street alone. You’ll get kicked in the head when you’re trying to sleep and they take your stuff. You can’t get any sleep.

A guy I know down there said there was a shooting on the other side of the street last Saturday. Ten cop cars showed up. They ran everyone off the block and took what you couldn’t carry. The next night there was a stabbing in the alley around the corner. Some guy died. More cops. This stuff doesn’t even make the news. Like anyone cares when a homeless person gets murdered. Bad for the tourist business. Pretend it doesn’t happen. We’re not real people.

I guess I understand. The foster kid checks you got for me stopped when I aged out of the system. You have other kids and your job doesn’t pay much. You said it’s time for me to make it on my own. So far that looks like dinner at the homeless kids place, sleeping under a bridge, and hoping I won’t get stabbed. I’m trying to follow up with several places that are supposed to help people like me, but they really don’t have any place for me to live or work.

So far, I’m not using drugs. I don’t have money and I’m not selling my body or dealing for the privilege of getting messed up by drugs. You don’t know what it’s like down here. It’s a lot more messed up than you know. There are a few people who care, but they don’t have a place for me to get off the street. The system is totally messed up. Guess I’m luckier than most. So far…

Tony

God is Redeeming Life Bible & Theology Topics: family, homeless, Letters to Dad, parenting, Sam Riviera

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Letters to Dad

By Sam Riviera
5 Comments

Letters to Dad

Sam Riviera is a frequent and popular contributor to this blog. Many of his posts on loving your neighbors and ministering to the homeless are consistently among the most popular articles on this blog. As I type these very words, one of his articles about homeless people has received several thousand pageviews in just two days.

Based on his many years of friendship with lots of homeless people in San Diego, Sam Riviera has learned the stories of several of them, and, with their permission, is writing their stories in the form of letters to their dads. These are the letters that they might have written to their dads.

Letters to Dad

Below is a brief explanation of the purpose of these letters, and some links to resources for you to learn more and get involved.

What is the purpose of writing the Letters to Dad?

First of all, hopefully they will open the eyes of parents who are considering throwing out or abandoning their kids. Many parents do not know what life on the streets is going to be like for their kids. These letters will let them know.

Many of these children will survive by selling their bodies.

Many will become thieves.

Many will become addicts.

Some will never make it off the streets alive.

Secondly, hopefully they will open the eyes of those who follow Jesus to what is happening across America to homeless and runaway teens.

Can we allow this to continue?

Why are there so few temporary and even fewer long-term beds (shelters) for these kids? (The kids usually are not safe in adult shelters.)

Do we have anything to say to “Christian” parents who are about to or already have thrown out their kids because they’re gay, on drugs, having sex or doing other things the parents do not accept?

Religion and the Homeless

homeless youthOne tragic thing to note is that there is a significant relationship between religion and the homeless, runaway kids.

Conservative Christian parents tend to throw out kids who go against their religious beliefs. Often the kids run away before their parents figure out the kid is gay, pregnant, using, a thief, etc. The kids are often afraid of how their parents will react. Sometimes they’re embarrassed or ashamed. Almost always they don’t want to talk to their parents about the “problem.”

If You Are a Parent…

This series of letters is not intended to pile guilt on the parents of troubled teens. Instead, they hopefully serve as a reminder for all parents to:

  1. Tell your children often that you will always love them, no matter what, and that they can always come to you with anything.
  2. Do not judge the homeless person or drug addict we pass on the street. Some of them lived through hell at home before entering into the hell on the streets.

The Goal of this Series

I would love it if the series could open up the conversation nationwide and send kids and parents to those organizations that can help, regardless of where they are at in the continuum the letters will describe.

I would also love it if the series would result in more beds available nationwide for homeless and runaway kids in our country.

We believe in this cause, and have made provisions in our trust to fund homeless and runaway teen programs, especially those with dedicated beds. Maybe this series of letters will encourage others to do the same.

A List of all the “Letters to Dad”

  • Killing Me Softly With Your Jesus Songs
  • I’m the Ice Queen Now, and You’ll Never See Me Again
  • So far, I’m Not Doing Drugs
  • He’s Better off Dead if He’s Gay
  • Help! I’m Trapped!

More Resources about Troubled Teens

Although statistics vary, and probably no one knows the exact number of runaway and homeless youth in the USA who are living in the streets, alleys, canyons, beaches, parks, under bridges and any other place they can find, almost everyone agrees there are at least one million homeless and runaway kids in our country. This number does not include those who are “couch surfing”, living temporarily with friends.

The purpose of the “Letters to Dad” series is to tell the stories of a cross-section of these kids. Why are they homeless? Where are they sleeping? How are they surviving? What happens to them when they’re homeless? Why are they invisible to many of us? How can we help them survive and ultimately get off the street?

Below you will find links to numerous sites that give statistics and information about homeless and runaway youth, including programs that provide services to these kids. You may not agree with some of the beliefs shared on these links. We do not agree with all of them. They are here for your information. Explore them and use the information and resources you find useful.

stop youth homelessness

We will continue to add more links to information and resources as the series continues. If you are aware of sites with information or resource for homeless and runway youth, post the links in a comment on any of the “Letters to Dad.” We will review the sites and add the most helpful ones to the links below.

Some of these sites are Christian. Some are not. While we have reviewed each site, we have not read all of the thousands of posts and articles that can be accessed through these links. We cannot attest to the accuracy of the statistics these sites report. Remember, some of the information is statistical, based on the statistics gathered by that site. Some of the information is based on experience, interviews and opinion.

Statistics vary by location and when the statistics were gathered. At least one runaway and homeless teen program of which we are aware, for example, reports that their group usually consists of about 10% LGBTQ teens, while another program in another city reports that their group is usually about 60% LGBTQ. Gender, age, economic background, race and many other demographics vary widely in the homeless and runaway youth population, and vary by program and location. What do these kids have in common? They are trying to survive in difficult circumstances. Most of them do not have a place they can call home.

Links about Homelessness in America

  • Report by the National Law Center on Homelessness and Poverty
  • Homeless and Runaway Youth Fact Sheet and Report by The National Conference of State Legislatures
  • Fact Sheet about Homeless Teens
  • NRCDV Homeless Youth Toolkit
  • National Alliance to End Homelessness
  • Coalition for Homeless Youth
  • National Runaway Safeline

Information about Homeless Foster Youth Who Have Aged Out of the System

  • Resources for Teens Aging Out of the Foster Care System
  • Story and Resources for Teens Aging Out of the Foster Care System
  • Foster Kids and Homelessness
  • KPBS Report on Former Foster Kids in California
  • Children’s Rights Blog
  • California organization providing life skills training for foster kids aging out of the system

Facts about LGBT Homeless Youth and Related LGBT Resources

  • LGBT Homeless Info. and Resources
  • “LGBT Youth, An Epidemic of Homelessness”, report
  • Article about Homeless Gay Teens from Religious Families
  • Numerous resources for LGBT teens and their families from a progressive Christian blog for families with gay children

God is Redeeming Life Bible & Theology Topics: homeless, Letters to Dad, lgbt, Sam Riviera

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