The first step to building friendships with your neighbors is to break the ice with them and simply get to know them. We talked about this in a previous post. But once you have gotten to know your neighbors, you can begin building friendships with them.

There are numerous ways of doing this, but let me mention just seven that have worked well for my wife and I as we seek to build relationships in our neighborhood. This post will contain the first four, and the next post in this series will contain the final three. ⇦ Click here invite others to read this helpful post!

1. Remember Their Name

People love it when you remember their name. Yet most of us find it difficult to remember people’s names.

We have found that writing down the names of people we have met and a brief note about them, such as “Frank and Jill – Bob’s neighbor,” helps us remember their names. The next time we see Frank and Jill, we try to call them by name.

This almost always makes a positive impression on Frank and Jill, and further reinforces their names in our memories. It is OK with most people if we forget their name to ask them a second time, especially when it has been weeks or months since the last time we saw them.

2. Offer a Helping Hand

When neighbors are out of town, we often watch their houses, water their plants, and feed their pets. Sometimes we offer to dog sit at our house. We love dogs, and they love us. (We never tell the owners about the lasagna we fed to their dog, and we feign ignorance when they comment that Spot looks well-fed.)

We have helped neighbors with minor home repairs. We have helped them prepare food for their special occasions, and have picked up items for them when we went shopping. We especially try to help neighbors who are in crisis (such as a family member is very ill), or people who cannot afford to hire the work done (such as widows on a fixed income).

3. Work Towards a Common Goal

Many people want to help someone in need, but have grown weary of appeals for money. Most people, however, love to respond to a local or neighborhood need. When one neighbor’s wife was terminally ill, as neighbors discovered her needs, they helped with food, running errands, visits, and flowers.

When we visit neighborhood garage sales as the sales are winding down (usually just before lunchtime), we look for blankets, coats, sweaters, and similar items that we deliver to a local homeless shelter. When we mention what we plan to do with the items, people often donate the items or sell them very reasonably.

Last winter during a severe winter storm, we spent a weekend gathering warm clothing and similar supplies and taking them to the winter homeless center for distribution to people sleeping out in the open. Neighbors donated items and even purchased new items to help our city’s homeless people weather the storm.

4. Pay Attention

Occasionally something is happening to a neighbor that is out of the ordinary. They may need help, and may not even know they need help. Several times we have walked past neighbors houses and their gate was open, which allowed their dog to escape when the owners were not home. If we notice this, we go look for the dog, sometimes with the help of another neighbor and put the dog back in the yard. If we cannot catch the dog, we try to reach the dog’s owner to report that the dog has escaped so the owner can return home to catch the dog.

On other occasions we walked by neighbor’s houses and saw water running out of the house from under the garage door or front door. This indicates a broken water pipe indoors and a flooded house. After determining that no one is home, we try to find a neighbor with a large wrench so we can turn the water off at the street, or I run home to find such a wrench. After the water is off, we try to contact a neighbor who can reach the homeowner so they can return home to start the massive cleanup. At least three times the homeowners have later told me that our quick action saved them thousands of dollars in damages and prevented them from having to move out of the house while it was being repaired.

Sometimes we notice changes in people’s routines that signal something is wrong in the household. We always ask what is wrong. Twice in recent years we have been told that a spouse had cancer. We asked if the sick person was allowed visitors and soon we knew the sick person and the family very well. We count it one of life’s privileges to walk with people through the last years, months and days of their lives. I will write more on this in a later post.

So these are four of the things we do as we seek to build friendships with our neighbors. We will look at three more next time, but for now, have you done any of these sorts of things with your neighbors? Tell us about your similar experiences in the comment section below.

As I mentioned in the a previous post, most of us do not know many of our neighbors. We assume they’re unfriendly. Otherwise, they would have introduced themselves.

Or could it be that we have neglected to introduce ourselves? Perhaps most of our neighbors know each other, and somehow we’ve been left out. Hmmmm! Shouldn’t we at least check this out?

But how should we go about it?

How do we actually get to meet some neighbors and find out what is going on in our neighborhood?

Getting to know your neighbors begins with taking walks in the neighborhood.

Even though many neighborhoods often appear to have no people, the people are there.

But when do they come out of their houses and into the street? We have discovered that many people like to take a short walk, clean out their car or do something in their front yard at the end of a nice day. Just about anytime Saturday, Sunday afternoons and early evenings are usually the best times to find people in front of their houses or in the street.

If we’re going to meet them, we have to be out there also. Our solution? We walk around the neighborhood (and the two adjoining neighborhoods) at the times when we know we’ll find people out of their houses.

As you walk the neighborhood, there are numerous things you can do to break the ice in getting to know your neighbors. Here are five:

1. Give Compliments

As you walk, maybe you see someone standing in their yard, looking at their new landscape job, paint job, car, or whatever. What should you say? People love sincere compliments… so give them a compliment!

Say “We love your new landscape job” (or whatever it is). “It looks so nice.” Then ask “Did you design it?” (or paint it or do the work). Most people smile, say thank you, then introduce themselves and ask us who we are.

If you have been going on walks for a while, they may say, “I see you walking all the time,” and then proceed to tell you all about whatever it was you complimented them on. Sometimes they may invite you into their garage, backyard, or house to show you what they’ve done.

2. Take a Friendly Dog

Another great icebreaker is to take a friendly dog along as you walk the neighborhood.

Our dog died a few years ago, but we have discovered that several neighbors have dogs that rarely get walked. The neighbors and especially the dogs are delighted when we offer to take the dog along on one of our walks. In addition to doing something nice for one neighbor, it gives us an opportunity to meet more neighbors.

Lots of people like dogs, and if you take yours (or a neighbor’s), they may stop you to ask questions about the dog you’re walking. We have even had people see us out of their window, come out of their front door and ask us how many dogs we own, which always ends up in all of us getting to know each other.

3. Garage sales

Some people who never seem to come outside their doors will occasionally decide to clean out their garage and have a garage sale. When they put their stuff on their driveway and sidewalk for sale, this is a great time for you to go talk with them.

Where we live, garage sales are usually done on a Saturday morning on the driveway. Since we’re not really looking for things to buy, we wait until the serious garage sale crowd has thinned out, and walk to the sale. We make a comment, such as “What a nice day for a garage sale!” then add that we live nearby. The homeowners or renters then usually comment that they frequently see us walking and ask us questions. (What happened to your dog? How many dogs do you have? How many miles do you walk every day?) With few exceptions, they introduce themselves and we introduce ourselves.

4. Trash Pickup

Some neighborhoods have trash that builds up in various empty lots or along the sides of the streets. As you walk, carry a garbage bag to collect any stray garbage lying around. This not only helps improve the appearance of your neighborhood and cleans up the environment, but is another way to break the ice with your neighbors.

Two or three times throughout the year my wife and I take some garbage bags and “trash pickers” (long-handled “grabbers” that can be purchased for ten to twenty dollars at swap meets or Wal-Mart) and pick up trash in the street and on the sidewalks in the neighborhood. We do it on Saturdays or Sundays. Some people thank us, and some offer us a drink. Some ask us where we buy the pickers. We have met several people when picking up trash that we had never seen previously.

5. Handing out Flyers

When something of community interest is happening, we volunteer to hand out flyers in our neighborhood. If you want to maintain good relationships with your neighbors, you probably should not hand out political or religious flyers. These are almost never welcome.

Also, do not hand out flyers for sales events. 

But invitations to community events and parties are often good ways to meet neighbors. People like to be invited to parties.

This could be the city festival, art walk, community fair, and so on. As you do this, try to be very respectful of other people’s property. Never cut across the lawn, jump over a fence, post a flyer on their car, or place it in their mailbox. It is generally best to hand out flyers only on weekend afternoons, when many people are home. As we walk up their front sidewalk, it is common for people to meet us at the door, and often they initiate a conversation with us.

This is by no means an exhaustive list of icebreakers. There are many others. In the next post, we will look at some ideas for taking our relationships with neighbors we have met a step further.