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7 Ways to Build Friendships With Your Neighbors – Part 2

By Sam Riviera
6 Comments

7 Ways to Build Friendships With Your Neighbors – Part 2

love your neighborThis post contains three more ways to develop friendships with your neighbors. In a previous post, we looked at the first four, which included remembering their names, offering a helping hand, working towards a common goal, and paying attention. ⇦ Click here invite others to read this helpful post!

5. Keep Their Secrets

Would you like to know whose sister has been on national news for weeks? Whose family is Mafia? Who is an undercover secret government agent? Who is having an affair with a neighbor? Who is very rich, but lives simply? Who is gay? Who hates their neighbor? Who sunbathes nude in their backyard?

We have discovered that people tell us their secrets because they trust us. Are the secrets I mentioned above our neighbor’s secrets or the secrets of other people we know, or have known? Or am I making up these “secrets”? – We’re not telling.

Passing around this kind of information makes for juicy gossip and broken relationships. Don’t give in to the temptation to tell what you know, except in the rare instance where you have come across a crime such as child abuse, spousal abuse, or drug dealing. In those cases, consult an attorney or trusted police officer for professional assistance.

Paying attention to what is happening in people’s lives, whether it be an escaped dog, a broken water pipe, or sick family member offers opportunities to not only help them, but to also build relationships with them. When they trust us enough to tell us their secrets, being trustworthy and not sharing the information with others further builds and cements our relationships.

6. Weep With Those Who Weep

Whether our spouse left us or a family member has a serious illness or has died, wouldn’t it be nice if Jesus could show up in person and spend time with us? Perhaps He does, in the person of His followers. Can we be that person for not only our family, but also for our neighbors?

love your neighborWhen we learned that our neighbor’s cancer had returned, we started spending time with her. When she told us that she wanted watermelon, we found a store that had watermelon in January. When she couldn’t keep down any food we made her lots of batches of “pear pudding,” the only thing she could keep down. We looked at her pictures with her and her husband – the church where they married, vacations they had taken, and other pictures from her life. We prayed with them. We tried to answer their questions about God. We sat by her bedside the night before she died. We hugged her every time we saw her. We cried with her, and then again with her husband after she passed.

This is a painful part of life, but if we only want to be with people in their joy and happiness, but not in their grief and sorrow, we can never truly develop friendships with others. True relationships require that at we weep with those who weep.

7. Celebrate!

When we were kids, Halloween was our chance to wear a costume and get a bag of candy. My brother and I patrolled the local grocery stores and farmer’s markets looking for the perfect pumpkin for a Jack-O-Lantern. I remember buying a sixty pound pumpkin the October I was fourteen, carrying it over a mile to my house and carving it with my brother’s help. It was almost as big as my brother. We loved Halloween!

Even as adults we can enjoy Halloween. We carve a pumpkin, turn on the porch light and station ourselves outside our front door with a big bowl of candy. Where we live, most of the children who come to our door are neighborhood children, accompanied by parents. A friendly greeting, a handful of candy and introducing ourselves to parents we don’t know is a great way to get to know our neighbors. Next Halloween we plan to set up a fire pit on the driveway, surrounded by chairs and a table with chili, cider and plates of cookies, in addition to a bowl of candy.

People love parties centered around holidays – New Year’s Eve, Cinco de Mayo, Memorial Day, Fourth of July, and Labor Day. As a former wedding planner, party planner and caterer, I’ve planned lots of parties. When we finish this “Getting To Know Our Neighbors” series, we’ll look at some ideas for planning a great party.

We’ve been looking at ways to build relationships with our neighbors after becoming acquainted with them. We’ve looked at remembering their names, helping them, working toward common goals, paying attention to what is going on in their lives, keeping their secrets, sharing their sorrows, and celebrating together.

In future posts we will look at moving those relationships to yet another level through group events, will discuss pitfalls to avoid and will discuss loving without an agenda.

Do you want to share Jesus with your neighbors?

There's more to it than inviting them to church...

Fill out the form below to receive several emails about how to get to know your neighbors and love them like Jesus.

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God is Redeeming Church, Redeeming Life Bible & Theology Topics: Discipleship, evangelism, looks like Jesus, love like Jesus, loving neighbors, neighbors, Sam Riviera, Theology of the Church

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Jesus is Risen! (and He’s with the Homeless)

By Sam Riviera
1 Comment

Jesus is Risen! (and He’s with the Homeless)

Easter with the Homeless

Amazing grace,
How sweet the sound.
That saved a wretch like me.
I once was lost,
But now am found.
Was blind,
But now I see.

We spent last Easter morning with the outcast — the lame, the thieves, the alcoholics, the drug-addicts, the murderers.

We climbed out of our warm beds and headed out into the streets laden with bags of clothes, food and water. We shared what we had with those who had slept under bushes, on the ground and any other place they could find.

Happy Easter!

“Happy Easter! Happy Easter!” we told them.

Almost every person greeted us with “Happy Easter!”

These are supposed to be the people who don’t know Jesus. But they do. They have seen Jesus walking among them. He has danced with them. He loves them. They like Jesus.

Jesus was with them in prison. He visited them there.

He was with them in Southeastern Asia when they spent the years rotting away in bamboo cages lowered into holes.

He was with them as they walked the streets of America, looking for a place to lay their head.

They told us Jesus was with them.

Grace to the Homeless

“Grace. It’s all about grace. No matter had bad we screw up, God’s grace is still good. He never forgets us. He’s always there. He’s always been there for me. He’s been there the last eighteen years while I’ve traveled around the country. I don’t have a dime to my name, but I’ve got God’s grace. It’s all about grace. Don’t ever forget that.”

So said the man sitting on the sidewalk on Easter morning. The man with no home. The man with nothing. But he knows that Jesus lives!

“See this mark behind my ear,” said another. That’s where the VC shot me. The bullet came out through my nose. See this big white patch on my thigh” he said, pulling up his pant leg. “That’s where they got the skin to graft onto the left side of my face. Another bullet ripped a big hole there and they had to patch it. God got me through it and He’ll get you through whatever comes your way too.”

Easter with the Homeless

We Found Easter

We gave a cup of water, a warm coat, and we found Easter. The risen Jesus had been there. The risen Jesus was there, walking among those outcast and despised by the world. He too had been outcast and despised. He knows what it’s like. He walks among those He loves. They see Him. They see the One who was despised, rejected and afflicted. He is one of them.

He is risen!

He is risen indeed!

He walks among His people. Jesus walks among the poor, the outcast, and the homeless.

He loves us. Whether we’re thieves, adulterers, liars, cheats, gluttons, alcoholics or murderers, He loves us.

Whether we see Him in a fancy building with stained glass windows or dancing with us in the streets, He’s there. He’s alive.

There is so much need in the world!

And YOU can help.

Fill out the form below to receive several emails about how to love and serve the poor and homeless.

(Note: If you are a member of RedeemingGod.com, login and then revisit this page to update your membership.)

God is Redeeming Church, Redeeming Life Bible & Theology Topics: Discipleship, Easter, evangelism, following Jesus, homeless, looks like Jesus, love like Jesus, ministry, missions, poor, Sam Riviera, Theology of the Church

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10 Dos and Don’ts in Loving Homeless People

By Jeremy Myers
155 Comments

10 Dos and Don’ts in Loving Homeless People

love the poor and homelessThis post contains 10 Things you SHOULD DO when serving the poor and the homeless, and 10 Things you SHOULD NOT do.

As there are different things you should or should not do for homeless people versus those who have a home but are poor, some of the items on the list begin with the words “Homeless” or “Poor” for things that are specific to those groups of people.

10 Things to Do for the Poor and Homeless

  1. Get to know the poor and homeless. Spend time with them. Ask them their names, and remember them. Tell them yours. Shake their hands. Be open and friendly. Touch them. Hug those who want hugged. Allow them to tell their stories. Listen. Remember.
  2. The poor and homeless are our equals. Honor them, respect them and treat them as our brothers and sisters. Feel honored that they are willing to share their lives with you and that you have the opportunity to spend time with them.
  3. Find out from them what they most need. Your presence, your touch, your love, may be at the top of the list. If you’re giving them “stuff”, personally hand it out. Remember – You’re “sharing”, be it your time or your stuff.
  4. Homeless: Check with your town or city to make sure they do not have an ordinance against distributing food on the street.
  5. Homeless: If you distribute food, small items that can be held in the hand and that don’t need plates, silverware, ovens or refrigerators work best. If you plan to give out cooked food, make sure hot food (soup, burritos, pizza, etc.) is kept hot until you hand it out, and that cold food (meat sandwiches, etc.) is kept cold until you hand it out.
  6. Homeless: Give them new socks and underwear. Bag them individually in Ziplock bags, marked with the size. The highest quality socks and underwear are usually not necessary. When socks and underwear get really dirty they may be thrown out by those who don’t have access to a laundromat.
  7. Homeless: Give hotel size, single use toiletries – soap, lotion, shampoo, razors (bag one or two disposable razors in Ziploc snack size bags) and so on. Find toothbrushes that have covers. 16 oz. bottles of shampoo or lotion often end up in the garbage (They’re too heavy to carry.) You can buy single use items in bulk from hotel supply companies for a few pennies each.
  8. Homeless: Many of them have significant dental problems and cannot eat items that require a mouth filled with good teeth, such as apples. They can usually handle bananas, tangerines and oranges.
  9. Poor and homeless: Give them clean clothes, blankets, and similar items that are in good condition. Launder and fold them and label them with sizes. Dirty clothes and blankets usually end up in a dumpster.
  10. Homeless: Always take bottles of water, regardless of the time of year. Dehydration is a common problem among the homeless.

homeless need socks

10 Things Not To Do for the Poor and Homeless

  1. Homeless: Never give them money. If they tell you they need it to buy a specific item, buy the item for them.
  2. Homeless: Never tell them your address or take them to your home. If you doubt the wisdom of this, let’s communicate privately.
  3. Homeless: Don’t go alone. Don’t go in large groups. Groups of three to five work best. Don’t go after dark. Mid morning to mid afternoon works best.
  4. Homeless: Don’t take your wallet or purse or wear expensive jewelry or clothing.
  5. Homeless: Don’t give them new clothing, with a few exceptions – socks, underwear, and possibly shoes. Why? – Three reasons:
    1. Expensive new jackets, hoodies, shoes and similar items may endanger them in areas with high populations of street people, where it is likely they’ll be mugged (and possibly beaten) and lose that new coat you gave them.
    2. They frequently sell those items to raise cash to fund their habits. We go the day after Christmas, and they try to sell us brand new coats, shoes, blankets and similar items. Swap meet dealers in vans also patrol the homeless during the holidays, offering to pay cash for new items.
    3. Many do not have access to laundromats. When the sweatshirt you gave them gets filthy, if they can lay their hands on another one, they’ll throw the filthy one in the trash, whether it’s the $1 one you bought at a garage sale or the $30 one you purchased at the department store.
  6. Poor and homeless, but especially the homeless: Do not clean out your attic or closets, bag up the stuff and drop it off on a street corner in the homeless area. Most or all of it will end up in a dumpster. They do not need gold four-inch heels, bell-bottom pants from the 70’s and broken blenders. If it’s usable, donate it to the thrift shop. Otherwise, throw it in the trash!
  7. Homeless: Do not drop off cases of bakery products, such as loaves of bread, packages of rolls, whole cakes and pies, packages of frozen dough, unbaked pizzas, and so on. Most of this will end up in the garbage.
  8. Try to avoid giving out “packets” of items, such as a toothbrush, lotion, apple, socks and soap, unless you tell them what is in the packet and ask them which of those items they need. Otherwise, they sort through the packet after you’ve left and throw away the items they don’t want.
  9. Avoid giving out major items at Christmas, especially to the homeless. Visit them at Christmas, take along water, tangerines, little bags of crackers, hotel size shampoos and that type of thing. In most urban areas, many of the people who are on the street on the weekend before Christmas and on Christmas day are not homeless. They only pretend to be homeless and are on the street to get free blankets, sleeping bags, coats and similar items which they plan to sell at the swap meet. Hand out the sleeping bags and similar items at least a week on either side of Christmas, when the real homeless people will get them.
  10. Avoid giving out large quantities of candy. Many poor and homeless cannot afford dentists and have bad teeth. Also, people who work with drug addicts have advised us against giving out candy. Apparently some addicts will live on drugs and candy if possible.

These are not exhaustive lists. Of course, some of these things may not apply where you live. If you have one homeless guy in your small town who sleeps on the city square, you would probably notice if several other people sat with him on Christmas day, pretending to be homeless so they can receive new blankets and sleeping bags.

We would love to hear additional ideas or questions in the Comments section from those of you who also come alongside your poor and homeless friends.

There is so much need in the world!

And YOU can help.

Fill out the form below to receive several emails about how to love and serve the poor and homeless.

(Note: If you are a member of RedeemingGod.com, login and then revisit this page to update your membership.)

God is Redeeming Life Bible & Theology Topics: Discipleship, evangelism, following Jesus, homeless, looks like Jesus, love like Jesus, ministry, missions, poor, Sam Riviera, Theology of the Church

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10 Ideas For Helping Homeless People

By Sam Riviera
80 Comments

10 Ideas For Helping Homeless People

help the homelessIn addition to finding ways to build relationships with the poor, we are building relationships with the homeless and finding small ways in which we can help them.

We have over ten thousand homeless people in our city. We want to help, not make it attractive to live on the street, if sleeping on a cold sidewalk in a rainstorm might be considered attractive.

San Diego has agencies that work on permanent solutions for getting the homeless off the street. However, for every ten that get off the street at least ten take their place. Some never get off the street. We know some who have been living on the street for over twenty years.

My wife and I do not have the skills or resources to get people off the street. We try to help those who are waiting their turn to get into one of the shelters or programs that provide housing and services, and some who cannot get into shelters or programs because they are unable or unwilling to follow the rules (which usually have to do with drug and alcohol usage and behavior).

There is no template, one-size-fits-all plan that works for what we think of as “giving a cup of cold water” to our friends on the street. If we lived in Chicago or New York City, we would need to adjust some of what we do, especially in the winter.

10 Ideas for How to Help the Homeless

  1. We go to where the homeless live on the streets. (We do not go to the homeless scattered in the canyons and backcountry.) We park our car, get out, walk the streets and meet them.
  2. We greet them and tell them that we have water and whatever else we have with us that day, and ask if they need some of those things. We usually keep our supplies in a garden wagon that we pull behind us.
  3. We ask their names, shake their hands when possible and hug them when they want hugged.
  4. We talk to those who want to talk to us. We meet brilliant, unemployed people who have PHDs, people who are mentally ill and make no sense, and lots of people somewhere between those extremes.
  5. We ask them what they need that they have difficulty finding. Tarps are the number one request in winter. New, clean underwear is also high on the list. Those who sleep in a shelter at night have fewer needs. Those who sleep outdoors have a greater need for warm clothing, sleeping bags, blankets and that sort of thing when the weather is cold.
  6. Since we buy almost everything we give away, we try to find sources for decent quality products at a good price. For example, we have sources for inexpensive, bulk supplies of soap, shampoo, lotion, razors. toothbrushes, toothpaste, Q-tips and so on. (Hotel supply companies and dollar stores)
  7. We work with a local food distribution group to acquire inexpensive supplies of fruit, crackers, cookies and similar products that are packed in small packages.
  8. We have an inexpensive source for 6 X 8 tarps with corner grommets for wet weather use (Harbor Freight – $1.99).
  9. We scour garage sales, thrift shops, and swap meets to find used clothing, backpacks, sleeping bags and similar items that are in good condition. We do not give away new clothing, except socks and underwear. (I’ll explain why in the “Do’s and Don’ts” in the following post). We wash the clothing, fold and label it with the size on a strip of masking tape and put a stack on our wagon.
  10. Our friend David, who goes with us each time, always brings a couple of dozen packages of baby wipes (great for cleaning dirty hands), and a few other people give us used clothing. Two other friends give us bags of new socks and occasionally tarps.

care package for the homelessWater, food, toiletries, clothes, and similar items are temporary help at best. Some people assume that hundreds of churches and individuals hand out these sorts of things to the homeless. That doesn’t happen. Christmas may be big, but the rest of the year is hit and miss.

We frequently hear comments such as “That’s the first water I’ve had since yesterday,” “I’m wearing the only pair of pants I’ve had for six months and they’re full of holes,” “I haven’t had any clean underwear for months,” “We’ve been under the bridge at night with the addicts and are afraid to go to sleep. With these tarps we can get away from them and sleep at night.”

From time to time we see efforts by Christians and churches to “evangelize” the homeless and tell them about Jesus. We assume something of the message must get through, but have observed that is not always the case.

Do we tell people about Jesus? We’ll talk about that in a future post.

Until then, have you discovered ways to help your homeless friends? Please share your experiences in the comment section below.

There is so much need in the world!

And YOU can help.

Fill out the form below to receive several emails about how to love and serve the poor and homeless.

(Note: If you are a member of RedeemingGod.com, login and then revisit this page to update your membership.)

God is Redeeming Life Bible & Theology Topics: Discipleship, evangelism, following Jesus, homeless, looks like Jesus, love like Jesus, ministry, missions, poor, Sam Riviera, Theology of the Church

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16 Ways to Build Relationships with the Poor

By Sam Riviera
2 Comments

16 Ways to Build Relationships with the Poor

Love the PoorEven though almost every homeless person falls into the category of “poor,” there are many poor people who are not homeless. This post will focus primarily on that group of people.

Most of us don’t need to look for people living under bridges to find the poor. We probably already know them. However, they may be invisible to us, such as the fellow who mows our lawn or washes our car or the young woman who is a checker at a discount store or fast food restaurant.

The poor become visible to us when we spend the time and make the effort to get to know the people with whom we come in contact. Not all of those people are poor, but some are. When we get to know them we will discover that some of them are barely keeping a roof over their, and often their kids, heads.

My wife and I usually do not give time or money to organizations that help the poor. We prefer to get to know people, build relationships with them, learn to love them and help them in areas where we know they need help.

Lest that last sentence get lost in this series of posts, I would like to emphasize that sentence as the key sentence in not only this series, but also in living in a world filled with people. If you want to follow Jesus into the world and live your life like Jesus, then

  • Get to know people.
  • Build relationships with them.
  • Learn to love them.
  • Help them when possible.

Does It Look Like Jesus?

We find living life this way looks so much like Jesus. For those of us who follow Jesus, those of us who are his body, this is “being the church” in our world. Any person, group or organization may call themselves anything they like, but the body of Christ looks like this. If it does not, it is almost always something else.

When we have identified people who need help, we try to help them. That can look many ways in many situations, and of course one short post cannot define how that will look for each of us in every situation.

love the poorHere are 16 Things we have done to help the poor, and which you may be able to do also.

  1. Help unemployed single mothers and families find jobs.
  2. Help families find housing they can afford.
  3. Buy products and services from people you know are struggling to keep a roof over their heads. Don’t look for the “cheapest” option, but for the person or business that most needs your business.
  4. Refer people you know to a business or person who needs the business.
  5. Tip generously at restaurants, especially when you know that the person who served you really needs it. Sometimes you can tip people who don’t usually receive tips, such as the guy at the car alarm shop who repaired your car alarm.
  6. Give commendations to managers of businesses for employees who helped you, especially for employees you know really need their job.
  7. When things don’t go right in your dealings with a business, do not threaten an employee with “I’m going to get you fired,” or “You will get you in a lot of trouble.” That vicious threat can terrify someone for whom that would mean losing their only source of income, and their only way to provide food, clothes, and housing for their children.
  8. Volunteer to help. This might mean helping repair someone’s house or car (so they won’t need to pay someone to do it), taking them to the doctor (so they won’t have to pay someone to drive them), or even picking up something they need (so they won’t have to pay for the gasoline to get them there).
  9. As you walk, run, or drive around town, keep an eye out for furniture and other household items set out on driveways with “Free” signs attached. Some of these items are in excellent condition and can be given to someone who needs it.
  10. Find out what your friends need and decide if you can meet any of their needs with some of the “stuff” you have in your closets, garage, and attic.
  11. After an event where a lot of food was prepared, contact certain people who are short on food and plead for their help in “taking some of this food off our hands so we won’t have to throw it away.”
  12. Invite your friends to dinner and making sure they take plates of “extra” food home with them.
  13. If you find something at a store, garage sale, or thrift shop that you know one of your friends needs, buy it and give it to them.
  14. Remember friends on their birthdays and at Christmas. This might include flowers, a gift, or inviting them for dinner, but always includes spending time with them when possible.
  15. Pick up trash on inner city streets and alleys. This improves living conditions in several ways for the people who live there, many of whom are poor. Explaining how that works would require a post of its own.
  16. Spend time with your friends, especially when you know they need someone to sit with them, listen, hug them, weep with them, and rejoice with them.

In the comments section please share your stories, not only of how you are responding to the poor, but also for how you plan to do so in the future.

There is so much need in the world!

And YOU can help.

Fill out the form below to receive several emails about how to love and serve the poor and homeless.

(Note: If you are a member of RedeemingGod.com, login and then revisit this page to update your membership.)

God is Redeeming Life Bible & Theology Topics: Discipleship, evangelism, following Jesus, homeless, looks like Jesus, love like Jesus, ministry, missions, poor, Sam Riviera, Theology of the Church

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