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4 Pitfalls to Avoid when Getting to Know your Neighbors

By Sam Riviera
6 Comments

4 Pitfalls to Avoid when Getting to Know your Neighbors

pitfalls with neighborsIn the previous posts in this series (sign up at the bottom of this email to receive all the posts for free) we have discussed methods for getting acquainted with our neighbors, building relationships with them, and having group events that will help all of us to get to know each other better. In order to avoid some of the common problems that can occur during this process, letโ€™s look at some pitfalls to avoid.

1. Being Too Helpful

We have learned that deciding ahead of time how much time, energy, money or emotional strength we can devote to neighbors allows us to be in a better position to help the most people. We have discovered that we can not meet everyoneโ€™s needs. Not setting limits can cause us to grow weary in well doing and cause us to want to stop helping others.

We attempt to first help those who are least able to meet their own needs, and then help others as we are able. We try to use our resources to help many people, rather than use large amounts of time, money and energy to help one person or family. Some individuals and families have more needs than we are able to meet.

2. Not Keeping Confidences

Are you the kind of person in whom others confide? I am. I have a friend in whom no one confides. What is the difference? What you tell me goes no further.

On the other hand, the fastest way to spread news is to tell one of my friends. Of course, nobody confides in him. Well … nobody confides in him twice.

3. The Neighborhood Grinch

Is there someone in your neighborhood whom no one likes? Several of our neighbors have told us they will not attend group functions at our home if Mr. X is coming. How do we handle that? We do not invite that person to small functions, but we do invite him/her to large functions, such as our upcoming block/neighborhood party.

4. Being Self-Centered

When we meet someone do we use it as an opportunity to tell them all about ourselves, or as an opportunity to learn about them? Do we see it as our chance to tell our stories, or listen to theirs? Do we invite people to our home to show them our tastefully decorated home and souvenirs from our many travels or to get to know them better? Do we want to know people better so we will know what they can do for us (or will buy from us), or so we can get to know them and make a new friend? After they have told us about themselves and told us their stories, most people want to hear about us.

Avoiding these pitfalls will help us build long-term, loving relationships with our neighbors.

You might have noticed that I did not mention anything about sharing the gospel with your neighbors, inviting them to church, or asking them what they think of Jesus. That is because I will devote a whole post to this subject, which I will write about next time.

Between now and then, can you think of any other pitfalls to avoid when getting to know your neighbors? Share them with others by commenting below!

Do you want to share Jesus with your neighbors?

There's more to it than inviting them to church...

Fill out the form below to receive several emails about how to get to know your neighbors and love them like Jesus.

(Note: If you are a member of RedeemingGod.com, login and then revisit this page to update your membership.)

God is Redeeming Church, Redeeming Life Bible & Theology Topics: Discipleship, evangelism, guest post, Jesus, looks like Jesus, love, love like Jesus, neighbors, Sam Riviera

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Use Group Events to Love Others

By Sam Riviera
1 Comment

Use Group Events to Love Others

group eventIn the previous posts in this series about getting to know our neighbors (sign up below to receive all the posts by email), we discussed first getting acquainted with our neighbors and then building relationships with them. Once we have built relationships with at least some of our neighbors, weโ€™re ready to move on to the next step, group events. Even though it is tempting to skip getting acquainted and building relationships and go straight to a group event, such as a backyard barbecue, we have discovered that the group events always function more smoothly when we know and have already established a relationship with everyone we invite to the event.

Group Events

Group events are great opportunities for neighbors to get to know each other better, both those we already know, as well as those we barely know (even though those people may live just half a block away) or donโ€™t know at all. Through group events we will discover new things about each other, including shared interests. We often discover that neighbors we assumed were unfriendly are actually very friendly.

When weโ€™re planning the event, we try to make sure that everyone we invite knows someone else in the group in addition to my wife and me. Since we know everyone in the group, we introduce people to anyone they donโ€™t know. Since everyone already knows someone, the people they know also introduce them to other people. Conversations that begin at group events are often continued in the days and years ahead.

Our First Neighborhood Group Event

My leg was in a non-walking cast. I was unable to help clean the house or to prepare most of the food that would be necessary for a New Yearโ€™s Eve party. But our neighbor was terminally ill with cancer and this would be her last New Yearโ€™s Eve. We agreed that if she could come for even ten minutes, weโ€™d have a party. She said she would come. Then we invited more neighbors.

My wife cleaned. I made a shopping list. We went to Costco (me in a wheelchair) and bought take-and-bake pizza, salad, hummus, a cheese log, crackers, cheese trays, sparkling cider and champagne. We came home and I made cheesecake and persimmon pudding.

Everyone we invited came, fourteen in all, including our sick friend. She looked fabulous (it was her โ€œbest dayโ€ between chemo treatments). We talked. We swapped stories. They stayed (even our sick friend stayed almost three hours). We toasted each other. Oh yes, we ate, but the food was not the centerpiece of the event. Spending time together was.

That was a special night, and everyone there understood that. After the event, everyone said they wanted to do it again, and those present who do not live in the neighborhood asked to be invited to the next event. Some people called us later and asked for each other’s phone numbers. New relationships were begun and old ones strengthened.

Our Second Neighborhood Group Event โ€“ Cinco de Mayo Party

Over the course of throwing group events, we have discovered that people love theme parties, especially those centered around holidays. Since we live near the border, we love to celebrate Cinco de Mayo (5th of May). We invited a group of neighbors to a Cinco de Mayo party on Sunday May 1, which was the day our community celebrated Fiesta/Cinco de Mayo.

We made enchiladas and rice, provided drinks and asked everyone to bring a side dish or dessert that went with the theme. Bringing something to share makes people feel more involved and relieves them from feeling obligated to return the invitation. Sixteen people and lots of food arrived around 4:30.

Neighbors met neighbors they barely knew or didnโ€™t know, and reconnected with those they already knew. Half of the group had come to the first event on New Yearโ€™s Eve, and half had not. One of the โ€œnewโ€ people had never been involved in any neighborhood activity. Everyone (except my wife and I) met at least three or four neighbors they had not known previously.

Bin Laden and Group Events

We ate and everyone talked and talked. We were still sitting and talking when one man received a phone call telling him the president was about to make an announcement concerning Bin Laden. We turned on the television. After the presidentโ€™s speech, someone asked, โ€œDo you remember where you were when you heard the news about Kennedy? Now weโ€™ll remember where we were when we heard the news about Bin Laden.โ€

group eventsNear the end of the evening, my wife and I proposed a โ€œblock partyโ€ for the 4th of July. Everyone liked the idea. The neighborhood is really getting into this. We now have two co-chairs and people from other streets in the neighborhood are asking if they can come. Weโ€™re inviting everyone on our street, and those people may invite anyone else from the neighborhood, as well as their friends and relatives. We have not seen this much enthusiasm since we moved here. We may get 30 or 300. Weโ€™re passing out โ€œSave The Dateโ€ flyers today and tomorrow.

We Like Each Other

Our neighbors did not want to leave. They love spending time with each other. The party finally broke up around 9:00. Two people asked us if they could come back later โ€œjust to talk.โ€

What is it we are doing?

We are building community in our community.

We are not asking them to “join our community” at church. Instead, we focus on nurturing the community where they already live – in their very own neighborhood.

People are talking to people they thought they didnโ€™t like. People are meeting neighbors a few houses away who they didnโ€™t know and neighbors are spending more time talking with each other. Neighbors who didnโ€™t attend either of the first two group events have told us that theyโ€™ve heard about the events, would like to come to our next event and are looking forward to the July 4th block/neighborhood party.

In the next post weโ€™ll discuss some pitfalls to avoid when getting to know our neighbors, and then will conclude this series with โ€œLoving Without an Agenda.โ€

Until then, have you hosted any group events? What did you do, and what was the reaction and response from your neighbors? Leave a comment below!

Do you want to share Jesus with your neighbors?

There's more to it than inviting them to church...

Fill out the form below to receive several emails about how to get to know your neighbors and love them like Jesus.

(Note: If you are a member of RedeemingGod.com, login and then revisit this page to update your membership.)

God is Redeeming Church, Redeeming Life Bible & Theology Topics: Discipleship, evangelism, group events, looks like Jesus, love, love like Jesus, neighbors, Sam Riviera

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Get to Know Neighbors by Throwing Parties

By Jeremy Myers
Leave a Comment

Get to Know Neighbors by Throwing Parties

This practical post on getting to know your neighbors is by Sam Riviera. Sam is a frequent contributor to this blog. See the bottom of this post for more articles in this series about getting to know your neighbors.


In the previous posts in this series (see link list below), we discussed how to get acquainted with our neighbors and then building relationships with them.

Neighborhood Once we have built relationships with at least some of our neighbors, weโ€™re ready to move on to the next step: group events.

People sometimes try to host group events, such as a backyard barbecue, before they have developed relationships with their neighbors. We have discovered that this is almost always a mistake. Group events always function more smoothly when we know and have already established a relationship with most everyone we invite to the event. So don’t rush the steps of building friendships with your neighbors.

But once you have developed relationships with your neighbors, you can build on those friendships by hosting a group event at your house.

Group Events

Group events are great opportunities for neighbors to get to know each other better, both those we already know, and those we barely know (even though those people may live just half a block away), or donโ€™t know at all. Through group events we will discover new things about each other, including shared interests. We often discover that neighbors we assumed were unfriendly are actually very friendly.

When weโ€™re planning the event, we try to make sure that everyone we invite knows someone else in the group in addition to my wife and me. Since we know everyone in the group, we introduce people to anyone they donโ€™t know. Since everyone already knows someone, the people they know also introduce them to other people. Conversations that begin at group events are often continued in the days and years ahead.

Our First Neighborhood Group Event

Here is what happened at our first group event for our neighbors.

[Read more…]

God is Uncategorized Bible & Theology Topics: Discipleship, friendship, love, neighbors, parties

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The Greatest Act of Courage

By Jeremy Myers
20 Comments

The Greatest Act of Courage

Courage Nelson MandelaNelson Mandela once said โ€œCourage was not the absence of fear, but the triumph over it. The brave man is not he who does not feel afraid, but he who conquers that fear.โ€

This is a great insight.

Although maybe John Wayne said it slightly better: “Courage is being scared to death and saddling up anyway.”

People sometimes think that the courageous person does not feel fear in the midst of great danger and potential personal harm. But this is not true. If someone is facing great danger and they feel no fear, they are not courageous, but ignorant and foolish. Fear is natural and normal in dangerous situations. The courageous person is not someone who feels no fear, but who runs headlong into danger despite the fear.

Yet while I like this understanding of courage, it is usually only applied to acts of valor that we might see on a battlefield or in a daring rescue operation. We think of the soldier who charges forward against a spray of enemy bullets to rescue a wounded comrade. We think of a policeman who stands alone against criminals intent on doing harm, holding them back until reinforcements arrive. We think of firemen who enter burning buildings to pull terrified children from the flames.

These are all, undoubtedly, great acts of courage.ย But I do not think they are the greatest possible act of courage. No,ย the greatest possible act of courage is the courage it takes to forgive.

The Courage to Forgive

When we are wronged, slandered, hurt, or abused, our entire body, soul, and spirit screams against the idea of forgiveness. We want revenge! We want retaliation! We want the person who did us wrong to suffer as we have suffered.

But more than that, we do not want to be hurt in the same way again. We fear that if we forgive someone for what they have done, they will continue to abuse and hurt us in similar ways.

[Read more…]

God is Uncategorized Bible & Theology Topics: courage, cross, Discipleship, fear, forgiveness, Jesus, love, Nelson Mandela, suffering, synchroblog

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The Truth about Truth

By Jeremy Myers
7 Comments

The Truth about Truth

Jesus is the truthOne of the best ways to reach people for Jesus today is not to try to persuade or convince them through rational arguments and persuasive reasoning.

Certainly, some will respond to this, and so there is a place for it, but the majority of people today are relational in their approach to truth.

Most people are not asking, “Do I want to believe like you do?” but instead are asking, “Do I want to live like you do? Do I want to be like you?”

Whether you agree or not, most people today believe that beliefs result in behavior.

If your behavior stinks, people assume your beliefs stink too, without even knowing what it is you believe.  

If you want to convince people of the truth of Christianity, the best way to “argue” it today is not through reason and and rational propositions, but by becoming more and more like Jesus in everything we do.

Since Truth is a person (John 14:6), truth is best learned through knowing that person, Jesus Christ, and truth is best shown by living like Him.

Of course, it is not as easy at it sounds. I am convinced that most of us Christians and many of our churches have a very skewed idea of who Jesus was, so while we think we are living like Jesus, we may actually be living like Judas.

If you want to reach our culture for Jesus, the best (and most biblical) thing you can do is show people Jesus and invite them to follow Jesus with you.

God is Uncategorized Bible & Theology Topics: Discipleship, evangelism, following Jesus, love, missional, service, truth

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