Some believe that divorce is the unforgivable sin.
This view is not as common as it once was. After all, a large percentage of Christians have been divorced. Common “sins” such as divorce usually make poor candidates for the unforgivable sin since such a position would disqualify many Christians from eternal life.
However, there are still some who believe that divorce is unforgivable.
Why some believe Divorce is the Unforgivable Sin
The logic of this view is primarily based upon Malachi 2:16, where God says, “I hate divorce.”
Those who quote this verse usually overlook the fact that Scripture lists other sins which God also hates, such as pride, lying, and discord (Prov 6:16-19).
Nevertheless, divorce is singled out as particularly bad, because it is thought to be a sin that people cannot properly repent of, for if someone gets divorced and then repents of it, they are still divorced. The sin still remains. For this reason, people think that divorce is unforgivable because it can never properly be repented of.
Refuting the View that Divorce is the Unforgivable Sin
There is much to be said against the idea that divorce is the unforgivable sin.
First, as with most views about the unforgivable sin, those who hold this view reveal a deep misunderstanding about the grace of God and what was accomplished by Jesus on the cross for the sins of the whole world.
An improper understanding of the grace and forgiveness of God is the root cause of most of the wrong views about the unforgivable sin.
The topics of God’s infinite grace and forgiveness will be looked at in later posts, and so nothing more will be said about it here except to say that God’s grace covers even divorce.
God Forgives Divorce
The idea that divorce is unforgivable is also disproven by various Scriptures.
For example, it is critical to recognize that God Himself is a divorced person. In Jeremiah 3:8, God gives Israel a certificate of divorce. In other words, God divorced Israel.
One could argue that God was not exactly married to Israel the same way that a man is married to a woman, but against this it could also be argued that the covenant relationship God has with Israel is far stronger and far more binding than the relationship shared between a husband and wife.
Some might also say that it was okay for God to divorce Israel because of her numerous acts of infidelity to Him, and infidelity is the one basis by which divorce is allowed (cf. Matt 19:9). Of course, Jesus says that the only reason for this allowance was because of the hardness of people’s hearts (Matt 19:8). Ideally, not even marital infidelity should result in divorce, as in God’s eyes, the marriage union lasts as long as both people live. This is even more true of God, whose patience and long-suffering are nearly without limits. Yet the limit was reached, and God gave Israel a certificate of divorce.
So God is a divorced person.
There is also evidence in Scripture that Moses was divorced. First, we learn from Exodus 18:2 that Moses had separated from his wife, Zipporah. This likely had something to do with Zipporah’s disgust at having to circumcise her sons (Exod 4:24-26). After Moses leads the people out of Egypt, Jethro, Zipporah’s father, tried to get the two of them back together, but was unsuccessful, for later in the Pentateuch we learn that Moses had married an Ethiopian woman (Num 12:1).
One wonders if the allowance by Moses for the Israelites to divorce and remarry was because he himself was divorced and remarried (Matt 19:8).
Regardless, everybody expects to see Moses in heaven, and in fact, at the Mount of Transfiguration, Moses is one of the two heavenly beings that speaks with Jesus (Matt 17:1-4).
So divorce is not the unforgivable sin. If you have been divorced, there is grace and forgiveness for you.
Do you fear that you have committed the Unforgivable Sin?
Fear not! You are forgiven. You are loved.
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Hello I first married at 21 before I was saved to help someone get citizenship, although I was not saved I loved he person and wanted to remain in the marriage, however he did not, I must add we did not live together and we both had relations with other people during marriage, when I got saved before the divorce I wanted to remain in marriage, but he did not, so he divorced me, then I got married again 15 yrs later to a man who wanted to kill me for insurance money, I prayed not to have to pay for divorce, he divorced me, now finally I married a man who has not been incarcerated for 9 of the 10 yrs of our marriage….when I listened to this person on the internet about not being forgiven for divorce, I was sorrowful and afraid I was going to hell, I knew the scriptures but not like a felt them tonight, so I cried out to the LORD please forgive me…….I never knew how serious GOD was about marriage, or I would have never married the first time….im so so so sorry for what I have done with my life.
Stacy,
God loves you and forgives you for ALL of it. You have had some difficult marriages it sounds like. He understands. The pain and suffering you are experiencing from these broken marriages is not sent from Him. He is with you through all of this pain, and wants you to know that you are forgiven and you are loved.
i got married in the church at 27,had 3 sons …after 12 years found out my husband was going to visit prostitutes. He was also hitting the boys in anger. I made a stand ans asked him to move out of the home and get help. He was very angry with me and hated me. I stayed on my own for 1 and a half years….met a guy got married again,he helped me raise the boys,gave us money and tried to be a good mentor for my sons. Been married for 14 years now,very grateful for his love for me,but I get times of guilt and fear God will throw me into hell for getting married again! Thank you for your time. Katheryn
Katheryn,
You are loved, accepted, and forgiven. Don’t ever let anyone tell you that divorce and remarriage is unforgivable.
Wonderful article thank you for the insight
IF you carefully read Jesus’ dissertation on the subject, He said it was BECAUSE of their sinful state (the hardness of their hearts). As I see it, if one or both in the marriage have a hard, rebellious heart towards God, it’s best that they divorce instead of them torturing each other and destroying each other for life. I wish my parents never married….and I wish they divorced.
Some parents stay forcefully together to not hurt the children but this to me is a lie. Strife, friction and voice raising are the worst things youngsters hear from parents. My wish, many years later and in hindsight, was also a parental divorce, better even I wish I had been adopted by people who truly desired to have a child. Bottom line, ask people of different ages why their parents put them into the world. I bet the majority does not know to answer the question.
First, the author is off on his stats. A recent 20 year Cambridge study showed that the divorce rate is not near the 50% rate we often hear. That rate takes into account all divorces for those married more than one time. Second, Christians that seek to honor God and pray together tend to stay together. Amongst that group is but an 8-12% divorce rate. So, to say there is a 50% divorce rate in the church is a misnomer, and built on ignorance. In addition, the majority of married people are reasonably happy.
Speaking personally, I have been through a divorce. One for the books. The children are the real victims. It causes all kinds of problems, and the pain is immense for everyone. When you have children involved you might be separated legally, but there will always be a connection. You can’t get away from it, and the connection that remains is often worse than when you were married. I found from first hand experience why God hates divorce.
Studies also show that in marriages even where there is ongoing conflict children will still fare much better if the parents stay together rather than divorce. (I’m not talking about marriages where there is serious forms of abuse in play. No one should stay in that kind of relationship.)
That said, Jesus said divorce is not permissible except for sexual infidelity. He also said if you lust for another woman while married you have committed adultery already. Hmmm…. In any event, that sin as is any sin is taken away at the cross.
Further, in biblical times all a man had to do was give a writ of divorce – for any reason, and his wife was put on the street. She was then stigmatized, and treated no better than a prostitute. I think this is what Jesus was addressing more than anything.
Pal….my parents stayed together…and I spent years and years picking up the mess and crawling out of that insanity. I wasted the best years of my life simply trying to get my head above water. In my case, I am willing to bet that I would have fared better if my parents were divorced early on.
Just because a sin is forgiven it does not mean we are free of the consequences of that sin. God promises to wipe the sin from our souls not from our history. Weall have less han perfect pasts. But we should learn from our mistakes and not spend our time mourning them.
Matthew…in my experience, the sin/mistake was who the person married, not the divorce. In my case, it was wrong for me to marry my ex to begin with. Divorce was the repentance process. I asked God to forgive me for divorcing her. He said “No. I WILL forgive you for marrying her. I never wanted that for you.”
A good point Ransom. Children are not properly taught what to expect in a marriage or about the responsibilities involved. Also, many who married young mistake passion for true love and wonder why the marriage falls apart when the passion fades.
Geez…Ransom, we share a common bond there, and yet I never thought of it that way. Yet, I think He forgives us for both decisions.
In regard to your own parents I edited my comment to say relationships that have serious abuse issues should not stay together. It infuses a level of toxicity that poisons everyone. And, marriages with ongoing, never ending, serious conflict is a very subtle, but powerful form of abuse. So, I am saying it’s a judgment call, and we can be either right or wrong on this end. It’s not easy to make the right determination.
Matthew and Pal..the Biblical ideal works so well because fathers had a HUGE say in who their children married. In our culture, kids say “whatever Dad, I’m marrying who I want.” My father’s dad told him not to marry my mother for a lot of reasons (she was deeply mentally disturbed and filled with rage and needed a lot of help) In his introverted passive aggressive act of rebellion, he married her anyway. The results? A horrific, insane ride through sheer hell and abuse for him AND both me and my brother which destroyed the better part of our lives as a result. (to this DAY my brother is homeless and out of his mind with schizophrenia and demon possession.)
I did the same thing my Dad did in my mid twenties. I married a woman I shouldn’t have. And yes, my grandfather told me the same thing. I didn’t listen to him either. And I ended up in a nasty marriage to someone who looked down on me. She wasn’t abusive, but passive aggressive and an alcoholic. She was also into witchcraft. God rescued me from that marriage and gave me a good, Godly wife when I repented of my own rebellion.
I think another reason marriages are harder to maintain in todays societies is that there are so many more things to argue about. We place too much importance on things that are meaningless and ephemeral in the long run. Also, the roles (right or wrong) of Husband and Wife were more rigidly defined back then. Each had their own responsibilities that did not overlap.
Matthew…I would add that the economy takes its toll as well. In a family where both parents work full time, it’s all a matter of time before it falls apart. My wife works full time, so I refuse to. I drive a school bus which is part time seasonal. I spend the rest of my time with my wife, kids, and writing my books.
A number of polls point to money as the biggest source of arguement in a marriage. Materialism (as pointed out repeatedly in the sciptures) is very destructive. I expect that many of the arguements center on what ‘things’ the family money should go towards.
I am a widowed man, then a divorced man with 3 children from my first marriage. I knew early on that I made a mistake when I remarried the second time. But divorce was not an option. I spent 8 more than years from that time working to build a family and maintain/ grow a marriage relationship. I spent the last three years of that marriage in question with God, many pastors, my family and my kids as to the ability to keep my vow of marriage. The views were many and that was good. In the end I chose to end that marriage for the sake of all involved. No one wins in a divorce and I can fully understand why God dislikes divorce. In those last years of that marriage, I spent most of my time in prayer. Asking God why I felt the way I did, asking Him to change me, and asking for forgiveness for my thoughts of despair, distrust, and the thought of ending the marriage. I know I am forgiven. I know my God loves me since He knew me and my choices in life before I was born, before time itself existed for us. Others don’t understand this or my choice but that’s ok. Nothing can separate me from the love of God, other than my refusal to accept His love. Even then I only deny the love offer. God still loves me.
Great discussion here. I guess I should fix that marriage stat …
Regardless of the false stat, the point of the post remains the same: God loves and forgives people who get divorced. That is all I was trying to say.
Jeremy, God loves and forgives….period
Right!
I grew up in the organized church, always taught that divorce was wrong. I always said I will never get divorced. So what happened? After 13 years of marriage, I got divorced. Needless to say, because of my upbringing, I was so embarrassed I stopped going to church for 2 years. At that point, I stopped going because I was to ashamed to go back, thinking God and my church friends were mad at me. Fortunately, God was not mad at me and he was not finished with me. After realizing I had not committed the unpardonable sin, I started back at a new place and made new friends. I found that God still loved me and I was accepted by the people there. Divorce can be very hard on a person, and when it happens is the exact time we need our Christian family to love and accept us, not kick us when we are down. Divorce is certainly not the end of the road. God is a God of new beginnings and fresh starts. Sin is sin, there is no worse sin than another. God has provided forgiveness of our sin nature and all our sins through His grace. If you have been divorced, do not let the guilt and condemnation of others bring you down. Keep looking to our Father who never leaves nor forsakes, but continues to love and accept us.
statistics show that marriage is thenumber one reason for divorce just so you know
This is an interesting thread. I am divorced myself and quite unwillingly.
I have been through the gamut of emotions dealing with this and am still not done.
It was a nonbiblical divorce which she wanted and I did not.
I filed the papers without wanting to do so for a divorce but to protect myself financially I thought.
I know that if I did sin by filing then God has forgiven me because afterward I realized I should have filed for separation instead but I did not think clearly enough to see that.
I cannot in good conscience date or even remarry though. That is a tough thing to deal with. I tried dating and I was so tormented by it I quit.
Wow! Having read all the comments on divorced and remarried, my heart is relieved of guilt. Thanks so much.
Is remarrige an unforgivable sin if your spouse is still alive?
Is it a continuous act of adultery?
Thank you for this article. I am worried though that I have been married and divorced 3 time though. My last married lasted 25 years but there was mental and some physical abuse. I am currently in a relationship with a wonderful man. My parents belief is that if I get remarried I will not have salvation. I know that I have made many mistakes and need God’s forgiveness. I am trying to get my life back to God. Please help! Would love to know your thoughts.
Interesting article. I question your discussion of Moses. Culturally he could as many wives as he could afford. I doubt that he was divorced from Zipporah, separated yes, divorced no. Remember that women were considered property, hence the ‘bill of divorce’ Jesus mentioned.
In the synoptic gospels Jesus teaches that divorce was unacceptable. He notes adultery as he discusses his ban. In his time a divorced woman was to return to her family. She belonged to her father or his heir. If they refused her, and no man would accept her from her husband, her only means of self support was prostitution. She has been caused by her former husband into adultery. My belief is that Jesus banned divorce to protect women.
I married an unsaved man and I am a born again believer. It was devastating results for his children and me. I divorced him because he constantly cheated on me for the entire marriage and even today he is with the cheater. My children and I suffered from him. I have tried to move forward with life but it’s an every day struggle. We are not living in fear and strife anymore, but it’s financially hard to be single and raising my son on my own. He chose not to be in his son life and there is always conditions. I pray that my son will be a better person when he is grown. I don’t date even because I don’t want to attract another narcissist personality and I want to protect my children also. I thought that I met my future husband a few years back but now I don’t believe in love since he ran off with his girlfriend. Sometimes I don’t believe that God has a future planned out for me. After my heart got broken again. I once had hope and now I feel lost.
Our main marriage is with God forever. Loving Him according to the first commandment, and the 2nd commandment liked unto the 1st.
We try to please our flesh in many ways, which is only temporary, Blessed are they which do hunger and thirst for righteousness shall be filled. Rather than temporary happiness. In Proverbs; mankind is not truly happy until he is truly save. We seek humans to pleasure us, make us whole and complete, and for many other reasons, who simply cannot do what God can do. Why continue to seek to divorce and remarry over and over, trying to catch that one who will fulfill what you need and want. 1 Corinthians 7 is an excellent Chapter. I love y’all with the love of God.
Questions and Biblical answers. We hear and see different many interpretations of Scriptures concerning marriage/divorce remarriage. One person said you can remarry 2 or 3 times, mmm.
As unbelievers;
We married,
Both committed adultery until divorced after 12 years,
First spouse still living, he remarried, unaware if he is divorced,
I got save, but was still living together for 5 months,
He was not save, I married him anyways,
So, am I in an adulterous marriage?
I read a clear thorough teaching with Scripture, that this an adulterous marriage, based on Matthew 5:31,32; 19:3-9, the Scriptures are clear.
Jesus said’whosoever’.
Both spouses in first marriage committed adultery.
Folks say we are under grace and truth, not under the law, as in Romans 7-1-3, that it’s ok to stay married to 2nd spouse. This is why we must get knowledge, all wisdom, and all understanding, knowing Holy Spirit will not steer us wrong.
Jesus to fulfill the law of marriage, with the description of a Biblical divorce, not a prescription, like I heard someone say.
I value my covenant intimate relationship with my Lord now and throughout eternity, more than any temporary relationship.
Jesus fulfilled the law of marriage.
Thank you, and Shalom!
Great rational way of trying to resolve our cultural pandemic of divorce. It’s indeed a humanistic and permissive way to sooth our human frailties. It’s a good human presentation of helping a society which doesn’t buy into divine absolutes. But it doesn’t change true biblical stand on this subject matter.
Matt, I believe you mislead people when you state that God is a divorced person.
1. God is God. All of his names reflect his character and attributes. He is not a double crosser, he does not doublespeak. To say that God is a divorced person is going against his very character, his attributes, and nature.
2. Jeremiah was a young man who was courageous, compassionate, and his words were convicting. He boldly confronted the people of Israel with their sins and pleated with them to repent and turn to the Lord. He spoke in theological truth and in pictorial language. His preaching can be read as poetry.
3. Divorce is a hard subject to decipher on each individual basis. God says he hates divorce so he hates it! He doesn’t want us to go through the pain and all of the consequences of divorce. That is where our free will comes into this whole equation! Each party either decides to go through the hard work of working things out or they decide to end the marriage. Both are very difficult roads!
4. BUT GOD…. like a father to his child, God is there for the hurting. It may take enormous amounts of time to either heal the marriage or to heal the broken heart. He will redeem! That is his character!
Is getting a divorce and remarried in God eyes committing adultry?
Hi Kate I am a born again Messianic Jew in our Messiah, I devoured my wife who I loved very much, because she and her son from her 2nd marriage, continued to mock me via cursing me. After the Christian Pastor told me he could not remarry me? I searched the the Word of God, to find in my heart, that Elohim – God! Forgives all sins? Except grieving the Holy Spirit! Which is like refusing His help, if we are in an unrighteous relationship with God. Kate I asked Jesus to forgive me for all my sins against God, Then just before I wiped my feet and left that Pastors teaching! I heard the Spirit of truth speak into my heart through Yeshua – Jesus… “Kenny (and all so you Kate!) He said I have taken all your past – present – and future sins to the cross, you are as free as if you had never sinned.” Kate I now help my ex wife when she needs help, and her son, all though they live far away, I gave her 90% of all we owned for 20 years? But I couldn’t not live a lie anymore Kate, after a lot of hurt, I am so pleased I never grieved the Holy Spirit! I am free to remarry, and because I believe Jesus came by God His seed? and became flesh in the womb of Mirriam! And died on a cross so I can be free from all sin others and my own! I and you Kate if you believe, will one day when our times up on this earth, we will start our spiritual journey to be with our Father in His heaven amen sister, have a blessed life Kenny.
Can you show me scriptural proof that, after divorcing my wife because she allowed her son to curse me, calling me a penis head, and he repented only to her, but refused asking me to forgive him. His mother who I divorced took his side. Can I get remarried, in a Christian Church without being condemned as an adulterer? I need yiur help please.
What does it say in the Bible, when a widow marry a divorce, (because
Her husband was untrue to her and drank all the time.
God bless,
Marge
if divorced – do you have to be celibate the rest of your life’?