death Archives - Page 4 of 5

It is always difficult to know what to say at a funeral or to people in pain. Usually, unless we have experienced great pain, suffering, or loss in our own life, we stick our foot in our mouth and say the wrong thing. Sometimes, in painful situations, it is better to not say anything at all, then to try to comfort those who are grieving only to offend or hurt them further.

Not to make light of a painful situation, but too often, we are like this guy:

We want to say the right thing, but since we never know what to say at a funeral, we end up saying something stupid or offensive.

So although it is difficult to know what to say to someone who is grieving or suffering, here are fifteen things NOT to say at a funeral (or to others in pain). These statements are little more than Christian cliches, and aside from not helping anybody, they do not accurately represent God or Scripture.

Don’t take it so hard.
God is still on the throne.
Try to hold back your tears; they make people uncomfortable.
Remember to give thanks in all things.
It’s probably for the best.
God knows what He is doing.
It could have been worse.
She (he) is better off now.
Don’t question God.
God must really love you to have selected you for this burden.
Your child (spouse, parent, etc) will be raised again.
I know what you are experiencing; my dog died last month.
God is refining you. There must be some sin He is rooting out of your life.
God is preparing you for something better.
God is preparing you for something worse.

I always like to remember Job’s friends. It is only after they opened their mouths that they became miserable comforters (Job 16:2).

Do you have questions about any of these fifteen or have one to add? Include it in the comments below.

Why Did Jesus say, “My God, Why Have You Forsaken Me?”

By Jeremy Myers

81 Comments

A reader recently sent a a series of questions about the experience of Jesus on the cross. I have answered most of the questions in previous posts (since the list below). In this post I will address the question about what Jesus meant when He said, “My God, My God, why have You forsaken Me?”

Here is the question the reader originally submitted:

I am a believer, but I am troubled by an atheist’s questions. I was talking to an atheist the other day, and he said that God doesn’t know what it’s like to lose a son because he knew all along that Jesus would rise in three days, so he only lost him for the weekend! He also questioned that if God is Jesus, why did he beg to be saved from the cross when he was in the garden? Also, shouldn’t Jesus already have known he would rise again in three days? Why did he ask God, “Why have you forsaken me?” Wouldn’t he know that he’s only going to be dead three days?

Since this is such a complex set of questions, I am answering them in four posts:

How to Answer Questions of Atheists
2 Traditional Explanations for How God knows what it is Like to Lose a Son (both of which I reject)
2 Ways God Knows What it is like to Experience the Death of a Child
Why did Jesus say, “My God, My God, why have You forsaken Me?”

The first three posts covered most of the issues, but there are two main questions left.

First, why did Jesus beg to be saved from the cross when He was in the garden? Second, why did He ask God, “Why have You forsaken Me?”?

That first unanswered question I have already attempted to answer in a previous post where I talked about the phrase, “Let this cup pass from me.” Though my interpretation of that statement by Jesus in the garden is somewhat controversial, it seems to make the most sense out of the context, and Jesus’ attitude leading up to the cross. I do not think Jesus was praying for a way out of the pain and suffering; His love for humanity was too great for that. No, I think Jesus was praying for strength to face the pain and suffering He knew He was about to bear.

So I am not going to write anything more about that here.

Let us focus instead on the statement of Jesus from the cross where He cried out, “My God, My God, why have You forsaken Me?”

Why Have You Forsaken Me?

This question from Jesus on the cross is found in Matthew 27:46-47 (and in Mark 15:34), and is a quotation from Psalm 22:1. It is asked by Jesus as He suffers on the cross, and faces the sin of the world being poured out upon Him.

The main point of the question above is that since both Jesus and God the Father knew that God would raise Jesus from the dead (Matt 12:40), in what sense what Jesus forsaken by God?

In other words, if being forsaken means to be abandoned, rejected, despised, how could Jesus say, “Why have you forsaken me?” when He knew that He would be raised from the dead, and therefore, not ultimately forsaken, that is, not really abandoned, rejected, or despised?

The answer, I think, lies in understanding to some degree the eternal relationship that has existed between God the Father and God the Son. Understanding this relationship, and the cry of Jesus from the cross, leads to a shocking idea (for me, anyway) about the experience of Jesus on the cross.

His Eternal Relationship seemed Broken

Since God the Father and God the Son have existed in an eternal relationship, they had never been separated by anything for any length of time in any way, shape, or form. Nothing had ever come between them the way of will, desires, intentions, thoughts, or purposes.

We humans have a difficult time grasping this, since we don’t know what it is like to live in such a relationship at all, let alone for all eternity. All of relationships, even those that are the most loving, have areas of discord and misunderstanding.

But God the Father and God the Son (along with God the Holy Spirit) always lived in a perfect relationship and perfect unity.

Yet when Jesus went to the cross, He took the sins of all people, throughout all time, upon Himself. He bore our sins in His own body (1 Pet 2:24). He who knew no sin, became sin for us (2 Cor 5:21). He became a curse for us (Gal 3:13).

I believe that from the perspective of Jesus on the cross, it seemed that God had “abandoned” Him to sin.

Though sin cannot damage or pollute God in any way, sin does cause a separation between Himself and the sinner. It appears that when Jesus took the sin of all people upon Himself, a separation came between Him and God that had never before existed.

So when Jesus cried out, “Why have you forsaken me?” it was because He was experiencing a brokenness in His relationship with God the Father that they had never before experienced. Yes, He knew that God had not finally and ultimately forsaken Him, and He knew that He would be raised again in three days, but the cry of Jesus from the cross is not about those things, but about the separation from God He experienced for the very time in all eternity.

This experience of separation from God elicited the cry of Jesus, “My God, My God, why have you forsaken me?” He had never experienced this separation before, and though He knew that He would be reunited with God in a short while, the pain and agony of the separation was caused this cry of despair from Jesus.

But had God truly forsaken Jesus? I don’t think so. I don’t think God did forsake Jesus any more than God forsakes us. Jesus was not a God-forsaken God.

The God-Forsaken God?

I might be going out too far on a theological limb here, but there is a part of me that thinks it is only here on the cross where Jesus finally experienced the pain and turmoil of what it is like to be a sinful human being separated from God. Though Jesus came as a human being to rescue us from our sinful plight and in so doing, experienced almost everything He could as a human, He never really experienced the fearful and agonizing predicament of being separated from God by sin.

It was only when He took our sin upon Himself on the cross, it was only when the crushing despair of being separated from God came upon Him, that He finally felt what we humans have lived with since we were born. The pain and anguish we feel every day, the suffering of being separated from God that has so numbed our souls, the despair and fear that drives us to live as we do, was felt for the very first time by Jesus on the cross when sin came upon Him.

His cry, “My God, my God, Why have You forsaken Me?” is not the cry of the God-forsaken God, but is the heart cry of every single human being on earth. It is the cry we have been voicing since the beginning when we fell into sin.

And finally, God came to earth in Jesus Christ to experience this separation for Himself. And when He did, the suffering is so great, He cries out, “My God, my God, Why have you forsaken me?”

Do you see? This is not just the cry of Jesus on the cross. This is the cry of every single person on earth.

It is our pain, our fear, our hurt, our despair, finally being given a voice. It is the cry of God fully entering into our broken condition and fully experiencing the sense of separation from God that sin causes, and crying out in anguish and despair over this sense of loss, “My God, my God, why have You forsaken me?”

When we feel that God is ignoring us, or has abandoned us, Jesus knows what we feel, and He cries out to God on our behalf, “Why have You forsaken Me?”

When we experience fear in the night about our future, Jesus knows what we feel, and He cries out to God on our behalf, “Why have You forsaken Me?”

When bad things happen in this world, and we wonder what God is doing about them (if anything), Jesus knows what we feel, and He cries out to God on our behalf, “Why have You forsaken Me?”

When we feel despised and rejected, abused and slandered, misunderstood and forgotten, and we wonder why God seems to be doing nothing to protect and defend us, Jesus knows what we feel, and He cries out to God on our behalf, “Why have You forsaken Me?”

The separation from God that Jesus experienced on the cross is the separation from God that humans experience every day. Certainly, since He is God and since He bore every sin of every person, He experienced this separation to an infinite degree. But still, the cry of Jesus from the cross, “My God, my God, why have You forsaken Me?” is not just the cry of Jesus, but is our cry.

It is the cry of every single human being on earth. Jesus was giving voice to our pain and anguish.

Do you feel abandoned by God? Jesus knows what that feels like. Do you feel forsaken, neglected, forgotten, and overlooked? Jesus knows what that feels like. Do you feel like God has turned His back? Jesus knows what that feels like.

But here is the thing…

The original question was “How can Jesus say ‘Why have you forsaken me?’ when God did not actually forsake Him?”

Yes. And just as Jesus felt what we all feel to be forsaken, so also, none of us have been forsaken, just as Jesus Himself was not.

Though you may feel abandoned by God, you are no more abandoned than was Jesus. Though you may feel forsaken, forgotten, neglected, and overlooked, these things are no more true of you than they were of Jesus. Though you may feel unloved, this is no more true of you than it was for Jesus.

Though Jesus cried out, “Why have you forsaken me?” He was NOT forsaken. And neither are we.

This is a feeling that Jesus experienced, which is a feeling we ALL experience.

And this feeling does not come because we are forsaken, but because of sin. Sin has separated us from God; it has not separated God from us. This is why God had to reconcile the world to Himself (1 Cor 5:19). He didn’t need to reconcile Himself to the world, for He never left or abandoned us.

Though we may feel forsaken, we are not forsaken any more than Jesus was forsaken.

God did not forsake Jesus, and God does not forsake us. The presence of sin in our lives makes us feel like we are forsaken, like God has abandoned us, forgotten us, or left us alone to suffer and die, when in fact, God is right there all the time, holding us, loving us, and crying with us over our pain.

It is sin that makes us feel separated from God, and this is the feeling Jesus expressed on the cross, and is one reason Jesus went to the cross – to take our sin and bear it away into death so that we can see that God has not left us, has not abandoned us, and has not forsaken us, but has fully entered into our pain, our suffering, and even into our sin, so that He might show us how much He loves and cares for us. This truth is explained in more detail in my new book, The Atonement of God.

I am not sure if this answers the reader’s question, but it does help explain what Jesus meant when He said, “My God, my God, why have You forsaken Me?” It also helps us understand that on the cross, Jesus understood the feeling of being a sinful human being, and it is for this reason that we can trust His promise that He will never leave us nor forsake us (Heb 13:5).

The cross of Jesus is CENTRAL to everything!

Transform your life and theology by focusing on the crucifixion and resurrection of Jesus:

Fill out the form below to receive several emails from me about the death and resurrection of Jesus.

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God Knows What it is Like to Experience the Death of a Child

By Jeremy Myers

5 Comments

A reader recently sent in the following questions about the death of Jesus as the Son of God and how it affected God the Father. Specifically, they wanted to know if God knew what it was like to experience the death of a child. Here is the question:

I am a believer, but I am troubled by an atheist’s questions. I was talking to an atheist the other day, and he said that God doesn’t know what it’s like to experience the death of a child because he knew all along that Jesus would rise in three days, so he only lost him for the weekend! He also questioned that if God is Jesus, why did he beg to be saved from the cross when he was in the garden? Also, shouldn’t Jesus already have known he would rise again in three days? Why did he ask God, “Why have you forsaken me?” Wouldn’t he know that he’s only going to be dead three days?

I am answering these questions over the course of four blog posts in the following order:

How to Answer Questions of Atheists
2 Traditional Explanations for How God knows what it is Like to Lose a Son (both of which I reject)
2 Ways God Knows What it is like to Experience the Death of a Child
Why did Jesus say, “My God, My God, Why have You forsaken Me?”

So in this post, I will look at two ways that God does indeed know what it is like to experience the death of a child, and in fact, knows better than we do what it is like.

God Knows What it is Like to Experience the Death of a Child

I believe that God does know what it is like to experience the death of a child. In fact, I believe that God knows better than anyone else what it is like to lose a child.

We can see this in at least two ways.

1. When Jesus Became Sin, God’s Eternal Relationship with Jesus was Shattered

God did not experience the death of a child the same way that humans do. When Jesus died on the cross, it is true that God did not experience His death the same way that human parents experience the death of their son or daughter. But this does not mean that there was no loss on the part of God, that there was no pain, that there was no suffering.

Quite to the contrary, it could be argued that in the death of Jesus, God experienced greater loss, greater pain, and greater suffering than do human parents.

2 Corinthians 5:21 says that on the cross, Jesus became sin for us. He took our sin upon Himself. While it is nearly impossible to understand exactly how this happened or what occurred, we can know that whatever it means, it would have caused excruciating anguish and torment for both God the Father and God the Son. We have lived with sin our entire lives. We have become accustomed to it. We cannot imagine an existence without sin.

But God is holy, righteous, and good. He is love and light. What then must it mean for Him to knew no sin to become sin for us? What must it have been like for God to see the holiness of His one and only son get exchanged (or covered, or extinguished, or whatever verb best fits with your theology of the atonement) with the totality of all sin ever committed by every human in the history of the world? We humans cannot imagine the suffering and the torment that this must have caused.

Worse yet, the sin that Jesus bore caused a rift to open in His relationship with God the Father. The sin caused a separation. This is why Jesus cried out from the cross, “My God, My God, Why have you forsaken me?” This is the cry of God the Son experiencing for the first time in eternity a separation from God the Father. The suffering and sacrifice was so great, that it shattered the eternal relationship between God the Father and God the Son. This also is something we humans cannot imagine. We are pained when separated from our loved ones whom we have known for several years, or several decades. But God the Father and God the Son have existed eternally in relationship with one another. Sin caused them to be separated.

And while both God the Father and Jesus the Son knew that Jesus would rise again, there was a pain in their separation that can never be matched by the most painful loss which any human being can experience.

Look at it this way: Though plants are “alive” (in some sense), they do not experience pain or loss when one of their “baby” plants die. Up the creation spectrum a little bit, we have animals. Many animals parents (though not all) do experience pain or loss when one of their children dies. But going up the creation spectrum to the top, it seems that humans experience the greatest pain and suffering when we are separated from our children by death.

But God is infinitely “higher” than humans in every way, and therefore, must experience an infinitely greater loss at the pain, suffering, and loss of His Son, even though He knew He would be reunited with His son shortly. The knowledge of the resurrection did not dissipate the pain and suffering that God experienced when Jesus bore the sin of the world into death.

Again, think about the situation as a parent. Let us say that you knew your child was going to die, and that your child would rise again from the dead in three days. But before your child died, they would have to experience the most excruciating and painful torment ever imaginable. Would their pain and death be any easier for you to handle, even knowing that they would rise again in three days? No, I do not think so.

How much more so for God? Though the situation was a bit different when God lost His son than when parents lose their children, it can be argued that God knows the pain of suffering and the torment of a lost loved one in deeper ways and with greater agony than do human parents. God does know the pain of losing a child. Since death is the antithesis and complete opposite of everything that is “God” for Jesus to die would be the greatest and more terrible experience of the death of a child, especially when the child is the Son of God.

But there is another way that God has experienced the death of a child.

2. Every Person is One of God’s Children

We sometimes seem to forget that every single person is (in some sense) one of God’s children. Even those who rebel against God and who never return to Him are viewed by Him as His lost and wayward children. He looks after each and every person on earth throughout history. He looks earnestly down the road every day, hoping that his wayward children will return to Him.

And when each and every person dies, whether young or old, God suffers through their death. Death, remember, was not God’s plan or desire for the world. When any person dies, it wrenches the heart of God. Death torments God day and night.

When we suffer over the loss of our loved ones, God suffers with us.

When we cry out in pain over the death of a child, God cries with us.

When we scream until we have no voice and sob until we have no tears, God continues to scream with a voice that never cracks and sob with eyes that never run dry.

When you suffer over the death of a child, a parent, a spouse, a sibling, a friend, or any loved one, know that God suffers also. However much you suffer over the loss of your loved ones, God suffers more. He knows what it is like to experience the death of a child, because all people are his sons and daughters. He “gave birth” to us. He brought us forth. He cared for us. Tended us. Brought us up. Planned for our future. Laughed and danced and sang with us.

And when death strikes, God is there, grieving and mourning over the death of yet another child.

God knows what it is like to lose a child, not just because of Jesus, but because He experiences the pain of death whenever any person dies.

I think that more than anything, when a person is going through intense pain and suffering and they cry out to God in anger, despair, or frustration, while they do not really want theological answers or Scripture quotations, one thing they do want is to know that God is with them in their pain and suffering, and that He is suffering right along with them.

This idea that God suffers when we suffer is one way to encourage people to see the love and care of God in our lives, even when we experience the death of a child or face any other type of pain in life.

The cross of Jesus is CENTRAL to everything!

Transform your life and theology by focusing on the crucifixion and resurrection of Jesus:

Fill out the form below to receive several emails from me about the death and resurrection of Jesus.

(Note: If you are a member of RedeemingGod.com, login and then revisit this page to update your membership.)

Does God Know What it is Like to Lose a Son?

By Jeremy Myers

6 Comments

I am a believer, but I am troubled by an atheist’s questions. I was talking to an atheist the other day, and he said that God doesn’t know what it’s like to lose a son because he knew all along that Jesus would rise in three days, so he only lost him for the weekend! He also questioned that if God is Jesus, why did he beg to be saved from the cross when he was in the garden? Also, shouldn’t Jesus already have known he would rise again in three days? Why did he ask God, “Why have you forsaken me?” Wouldn’t he know that he’s only going to be dead three days?

I began to answer these questions in a post about the existence of God by looking at the basic approach I use when answering questions from atheists (or anyone with whom I disagree about anything). Actually answering the questions (or attempting to do so) will require several posts. Here is the order I will answer these questions:

How to Answer Questions of Atheists
2 Traditional Explanations for How God knows what it is Like to Lose a Son (both of which I reject)
2 Ways God Knows What it is like to lose a Son
Why did Jesus say, “My God, My God, Why have You forsaken Me?”

So in this post, I will look at two traditional explanations for how God knows what it is like to lose a son, and I will also explain why I reject both explanations (which might also be why atheists and other people reject these explanations as well).

Does God Know What it is Like to Lose a Son? (Traditional Answers)

Sometimes this question is asked this way: “How could God know what it is like to lose a son if He knew Jesus was just going to rise from the dead three days later?” Or “How could the death of Jesus be a sacrifice for God if God knew that Jesus was just going to rise again from the dead?”

These are all very good questions, which are not so easily answered! Nevertheless, there are two popular answers I have heard which attempt to explain how God knows what it is like to lose a son.

1. Christians Know Their Children Will Rise Too

It is sometimes suggested that God knew Jesus would rise from the dead just as all Christian parents know that their dead children will rise from the dead.

This, I believe, is a weak answer.

God knew with absolute certainty that the death of Jesus would end in the resurrection of Jesus; but not all parents have this same certainty. Not even all Christian parents have this certainty.

Furthermore, even when parents know they will be reunited with lost loved ones in the future, Jesus was only in the grave for three days, while parents who lose a son or daughter have to wait the rest of their life.

While nobody wants to lose a son or daughter (or any family member for that matter), the pain of it would be significantly lessened, it seems, if we knew that we would receive our lost loved ones back within three days, and they would be fully healthy and whole and would never suffer or die again.

So when viewed from this perspective, the claim that God knows what it is like to lose a son seems rather hollow, does it not?

2. God lives in an Eternal Now

The second way some people try to explain how God knows what it is like to lose a son is through the view that God exists outside of time, that God is timeless. If this is true, rather than experiencing a sequence of events (as we do), God experiences all events as an eternal now. It is argued then, that the crushing, heart-wrenching pain of watching a child die, and the sense of deep loss that lingers afterwards for days, months, and even years in the hearts of parents, is the pain that God experiences for an eternity over the death of His Son.

Though I was taught in Bible college and Seminary that God is timeless, that He exists outside of time in a constant, eternal now, I don’t believe it. There are numerous reasons why, which I won’t get into here. I believe that God is relational and is capable of reacting to our needs and prayers in a way that would not be possible if He were outside of time.

But even if this view is true, it still doesn’t allow God to experience what it is like to lose a son. For even if He eternally experiences the crushing sorrow of losing a child, He also eternally experiences the joy of being with His Son for eternity, and the even more thrilling experience of His Son rising from the dead. Neither of these eternal experiences can be shared by humans, and so even in this view, God does not know what it is like to lose a son in the same way that humans do.

So where do we go from here?

In a future post, I will look at the two reasons I think God does know what it is like to lose a son, and in so doing, will see that God may actually know better than we what it is like. Interested to hear more? Check back tomorrow. (Edit: The links are listed above).

What do you think of the two explanations above? Are you aware of any other explanations that Christians sometimes give for whether or not God knows what it is like to lose a son? Weigh in by sharing below!

The cross of Jesus is CENTRAL to everything!

Transform your life and theology by focusing on the crucifixion and resurrection of Jesus:

Fill out the form below to receive several emails from me about the death and resurrection of Jesus.

(Note: If you are a member of RedeemingGod.com, login and then revisit this page to update your membership.)

God Sometimes Withdraws Protection

By Jeremy Myers

35 Comments

Frequently, due to sin, rebellion, and the other factors, God simply withdraws His protective hand and allows sin, Satan, and chaos to have their way.

Everything we have seen in the Chaos Theory leads up to this final point. God has incarnated Himself into the world in such a way that He gives away aspects of true freedom and power to His creatures to do with it what they will. But when we misuse this freedom and power, God does not (indeed cannot) simply stop the ways we abuse our freedom and power, for then it would no longer be genuine freedom or power.

As a result of our rebellious decisions and misuse of power, nature flies out of control and creates chaos all around us. Satan, who is at war with God and His creation, seeks to destroy anything that comes from God or aligns itself with God. And wherever sin is found, it eats away at everything it touches. Through His incarnation and by His infinite wisdom and foreknowledge, God slows the death and decay down, and rescues those who are perishing in sin and destruction, but frequently, due the nature of sin, the consequences of abused freedom, and the misuse of power, God cannot stop the natural results of rebellion. When this happens, nature falls into chaos, the destroyer destroys, and sin brings death.

When humans persist in sin despite God’s frequent attempts to call them toward obedience and to warn them of what will happen if they continue down the path they are on, there comes a point where sometimes, God simply withdraws His hand of protection and allows people to suffer the consequences for their sin, for chaos to reign, and for Satan to bring death and destruction. I have put this principle last because I think that this element of the Chaos Theory is the last resort for God.

When bad things happen to us in life, we should not be too quick to believe that God has withdrawn His hand of protection, but instead, should go first consider some of the other elements of the Chaos Theory as possible explanations for what has happened to us. So also with some of the terrible events in Scripture. We must not be too quick to say that God has withdrawn His protection from a certain person or place so that sin, death, and the devil can have their way.

[Read more…]

15 Things NOT to Say at a Funeral (or to anybody in pain)

Why Did Jesus say, “My God, Why Have You Forsaken Me?”

Why Have You Forsaken Me?

His Eternal Relationship seemed Broken

The God-Forsaken God?

The cross of Jesus is CENTRAL to everything!

God Knows What it is Like to Experience the Death of a Child

God Knows What it is Like to Experience the Death of a Child

1. When Jesus Became Sin, God’s Eternal Relationship with Jesus was Shattered

2. Every Person is One of God’s Children

The cross of Jesus is CENTRAL to everything!

Does God Know What it is Like to Lose a Son?

Does God Know What it is Like to Lose a Son? (Traditional Answers)

1. Christians Know Their Children Will Rise Too

2. God lives in an Eternal Now

The cross of Jesus is CENTRAL to everything!

God Sometimes Withdraws Protection

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